dreadful sorry, clementine

[cibosity]

In more ways than one, Tabula Rasa was a surefire step up from the previous island. A simple look at the way that Sawyer occupied himself on most days was more than enough of an indication; whereas before, he'd spent his days lounging around, scavenging for materials and possessions, often causing factions of the camp to turn against one another,

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[cibosity]

Even though they don't precisely set aside playdates to better acquaint themselves with one another, in Sean Cassidy, Sawyer's always found a sort of kindred spirit. Superficially, of course, both of them sort of fit a type. Brash, rugged, both with heavy accents that wave their hometowns in the air for all to see. But it goes deeper than that, Sawyer thinks, and runs instead in the way that both of them react to what goes on around them. Neither seems to be the type that naturally builds up walls, though they may have learned a trick or two over the years to help that along, and that's because at the core, they're both made of emotion. Their nerves are raw, and so they react strongly to their surroundings, lashing out whenever someone comes across that part that forever remains unguarded.

Impossibly, all it takes is a glance in Sean's direction and at the shadows under the other man's eyes for Sawyer to come to a subconscious conclusion: if there's anyone Sawyer doesn't mind seeing him like this, it's probably Sean.

"No," Sawyer grunts, hopping over to the nearest chair and sitting himself down, ironically calmer for the way Sean doesn't make a fuss. Angry at the jukebox, just another day in the life of. "And you don't look so hot either."

[missingthekeep]

"Gee, thanks," Sean replies without missing a beat, giving the bookshelf a quick once-over (one that's mostly just for show since he doesn't actually want anything) before he meanders uneasily over to where Sawyer's grabbed a seat. "Long as that thing doesnae start in wi' O Danny Boy again, I'd say I'm doin' a fair bit better'n yerself, though. Takes a hell of an annoyance ta risk a broken toe o'er, so c'mon, how is it?"

[cibosity]

"I'll survive," Sawyer bites out first, feeling defensive when the other man pries. Sean has every reason to, of course, it's a free world and making such a spectacle generally does result in raised eyebrows and nosy questions. But Sawyer's none the happier for it, dragging his palm down his face and trying to calm the hell down before he starts giving even more away that he doesn't want out of the bag. Taking a deep breath, he reminds himself, repeatedly in his mind, that none of this is Sean's fault.

And unless he wants the entirety of the island to think that he's got an anger management problem, he needs to tone it all the hell down.

"It's fine," he says, nodding to the side. "I'd do it all again if it'd just shut the damn thing up. No man wants to hear a friggin' jukebox play their kid's name over and ov- the hell?" He blinks, pressing his hand to his lips in hopes of silencing himself.

[missingthekeep]

The aggravation over being pestered about an injury he was dumb enough to give himself is something Sean understands. The touchiness over being tormented by thoughts of an absent daughter is, unfortunately, also something he understands all too well. Why Sawyer's suddenly so keen on sharing this with Sean (or not so keen on it, if his subsequent reaction's anything to go by) is slightly more baffling, especially when Sean's kind of out of it already.

"Well, some men might," he says, but the words are secondary to the question in his voice and on his face, which is pretty much the same one Sawyer just asked. "Doubt doin' it again would change things, though."

[cibosity]

Maybe Sawyer should be a little more suspicious about all of this, the sudden outpouring of his secrets to Sean. The last thing that he needs is to somehow lose his resolve, lose the reputation he's gained for himself on the island, because as much as anyone on the island advocates the merits of the blank slate, rumors can kill that in less than a second. But if Sean isn't going to make a big deal out of it, the temptation to go barreling on ahead, it's strong. Sawyer knows a few things about Sean, after all. Knows about Theresa, knows a few things about his relationship with Meredith, it all hits closer to home than Sawyer's expected to ever find.

So as tempted as Sawyer is to deny everything that's just been said, instead he falls silent, hair obscuring his view until he looks up again and meets Sean's gaze.

"Then how about gettin' a few beers?" he asks.

[missingthekeep]

Sean eyes Sawyer suspiciously for a moment, still uncertain as to what exactly is going on, but there's nevertheless only one response that even so much as crosses his mind. "Best damn idea I've heard today."

[cibosity]

That's the good thing about friends like Sean. They don't press, they don't ask, they don't nag. Every man, Sawyer strongly believes, needs someone who won't simply push a man time and time again into what the smartest course of action is. Because sure, drowning one's sorrows and frustrations into beer, probably not a good decision on the whole, but Sawyer's pretty damned sure that if he doesn't get to kick back now and again, things will just end up worse in the long run.

When he meets Sean's eyes again, it's with a mix of respect and gratitude.

"Damn straight," he nods, before starting in the direction of the exit. "At least that's one priority this island's got right. Decent amount of beer. Then at least if I start dronin' on 'bout my life without warnin', there's still a chance neither of us will remember it the next day."

That's a little more blunt than he intends, too.

[missingthekeep]

As much as Sean would like to make all the right choices in his day-to-day business, he's of the opinion that there's only room for so many of them in a normal life. There's nothing wrong with the odd mistake or ill-advised decision, it's when they start piling up that a man runs into real trouble.

"Well, I'd 'ppreciate some warnin'," he says, deadpan but for the slight upward quirk at the corners of his mouth, since he's loathe to admit to even the slightest perk this place has going for it. Maybe once he's in a better mood.

[cibosity]

"Consider this your warnin', then," Sawyer fires back in return, snorting under his breath, swiping a kitchen towel from the counter and trying to blot away as much of the remaining coffee as possible, mentally reminding himself to return it later in the day. Maybe even cleanly laundered. Rubbing his chin, he feels more thoughts filing in as he pushes out the door, makes his way to the front entrance of the building. Trying his best to keep them at bay, Sawyer figures it's probably a whole hell of a lot better to focus on Sean, instead.

Not that he's trying to put the other man on the spot, but at least Sean isn't puking the truth out with every sentence.

"How're things between you and Mere?" he asks, trying for casual.

[missingthekeep]

"Mmm?" Sean mumbles, somehow not expecting the question even though it's about as standard as it gets. He certainly doesn't blame the other man for wanting to shift the conversation onto his life, given what appears to be going on. "Oh, fine, fine. Great, really. I mean, we're gettin' married, so they'd damn well better be, aye?"

It's the truth. It's nothing but the truth. So why doesn't it feel like all there is to it?

[cibosity]

"Dunno, I've seen people get married for less. Not that y'all fall into that category- surprised you ain't hitched already," Sawyer remarks. He doesn't know either of them all that well, but what he's gathered from rumors is that they're one of the long-standing couples on the island. And quite frankly, both of them are more than decent people. It may not be all that's necessary for a wedding to work, but it sure makes a cases for giving it a try. "Ain't sure if anyone's actually ready to be married until they tie the knot."

[missingthekeep]

"S'pose that's true," Sean replies with a quiet huff. He's never really thought about it that way, but it works. He'd been young and stupid the first time he got married, but he'd never once looked back on it after the fact, not until it was too late, until it was all over. And even then, he never could bring himself to regret it, even if he maybe should have. It was the right thing to do, whether he'd been ready for it or not. "Some of us're jus' less ready than others." Both he and Meredith had had their share of demons to overcome in getting to this point, and then getting to it again after having the rug pulled out from under their feet back in March. It's all going to be worth it, though. Ready or not.