In Between Days: PG (3/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 04:04:07 UTC
He takes a seat finally, relaxing into the couch cushions and not a moment later Kara’s beside him, her body curled up into him. Jealousy filters out and soon guilt takes its place. She called him because she trusts him, trusts him enough to confess what she fears, and all he can think about is how much he irrationally wishes the potential child in her stomach is his. Lee recalls that night months ago on the table and now he wishes he’d gone through with it. Maybe they would have been caught by Zak and he would have to face his feelings out loud rather than bury them underneath everything he each and every day.
Lee puts his arm around her and pulls her in closed. He feels the wetness of tears against his neck, the shake of her body as she cries without sound. Never in a million years did he expect the woman known as Starbuck would ever give so much away to another human being, especially not one she wasn’t bedding on a regular basis.
“Zak… he’d be happy to give everything up for you, no matter the consequences.” It hurts him to say it but he does. He wants to portray his brother as everything Zak isn’t: mean, abandoning, vindictive. Lee wants to drive them apart and take her for his own, but he knows it isn’t something he’s ever meant to have. No, she’s not meant for him in the end, and what kind of bastard would he be if he preyed on her worst fears to his own advantage? That deep buried, darker part of himself goes back into hiding and Lee rubs his other hand to her arm, soothing into her skin, savoring the feel of her warmth. This is all he’ll ever have. “Give it a few days and if nothing changes, then tell him.” He nudges her chin with the back of his fingers and Kara doesn’t fight, lifting her head to meet his gaze. “He’ll be happy.”
She doesn’t acknowledge what his words do for her, but they comfort just the same while she’s lost in her own head, not able to suss out her own logical thoughts on the issue she’s in the center of. Kara pulls herself back against him and tells herself that the safety his arms bring around her is only because they feel so much like Zak’s. That, and nothing more.
In Between Days: PG (4/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 04:06:46 UTC
He sees her again a few days later when his brother calls to invite him to watch the pyramid game. Lee brings beer because he always does, but he isn’t sure if it’s putting Kara at risk of having to avoid drinking the stuff, and Lee curses as he carries the six pack up the flights of stairs to her floor. Zak greets him with a hug and Lee plays cool and polite while trying to figure out if Kara has told him already and he’s merely just trying to hide it. He decides Zak doesn’t know, he’s never been a good liar, at least not to his brother. Both of them make their way to the kitchen, the television already playing the pre-game show at something next to a deafening volume.
Lee watches as Zak hugs her from behind, the sound of her electric laugh even louder than the TV set. She turns in his arms, kissing Zak in the playful manner Lee’s seen a million times before in that very apartment, in a few bars downtown, even at the park after a pick-up pyramid game. He averts his eyes, not for their privacy, but for his own sanity. When his peripheral vision picks up that they’ve separated, at least enough to not have their mouths all over each other, he raises his brow to Kara, a furtive glance given in the direction of his brother, occupied with filling a large bowl with a salty snack.
Kara smiles and follows his line of sight, biting over her lower lip in the way that Lee’s been dying to see her do when she looks at him. When her eyes are back on Lee, Kara simply shakes her head, that same grin still holding. He knows what she means by it, that it isn’t a ‘No, I haven’t told him,’ but instead indicates that something’s changed since they last spoke. It had been nothing after all.
He isn’t sure of the relief she felt when she found out herself, but he knows his own, and as Lee watches his brother tug her by the wrist towards the couch, Lee lets the jealousy go. Maybe he still has a shot.
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 19:13:14 UTC
Kara of yore was a little more open, a little more trusting, a little more everything (at least to me!), and that's what leads her to telling Lee here. Actually confessing it to Zak is too much, even for her back then, so Lee gets the role of comforting her.
Basically, Lee is in the ultimate friendzone of all time.
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)duchessduchieJanuary 9 2012, 09:24:02 UTC
I just love this! I love how Lee was the one that she told. I love how you had Lee internally battle between what he wants and the right thing. I love how at the end Lee has hope that it is not too late for him and Kara.
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 19:14:52 UTC
Since we know Lee so well, we know he usually does the 'right thing.' Says a lot for his character, but unfortunately not for him actually achieving some kind of happiness for himself!
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)scifishipperJanuary 9 2012, 13:31:55 UTC
This is so painful for Lee. Seeing with Zak, wanting so much for the "child" to be his. I just ache for him here, that desperate need for her that he can't quit. I don't want her to be kissing Zak or feeling happy with him. Oh, Lee, I just want to hug him so tight. *cries* :(
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 19:16:53 UTC
I actually JUST realized I left out a paragraph somewhere when I copied and pasted this. Luckily, not too much was missed, but it explained Lee's inner thought process a little more. I've pasted it below for you in case you wanted to read it, since you touched on that specific thought in his head. It would insert between parts 2 & 3 (being the first paragraph of 3):
Lee knows now what that feeling in his stomach is. It isn’t fear for her or his brother, the implications of their affair coming out after months of keeping it quiet, or the reaction his parents would have at learning their youngest son was to be a father before he even became an officer. No, Lee knows what it is and it’s jealousy. By no means is he ready to be a father, if he ever will be, but that doesn’t stop the ache at knowing his brother has Kara Thrace in yet another way he never will. It surprises him and pains him all at once, and for a brief second, he lets that jealousy and grief wash him over as he stares across at her, tears welling up in her eyes in a show of emotion she’s never had in front of him before.
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)koolaidmom11January 9 2012, 13:56:19 UTC
Oh Lee, Lee, Lee ... It's so hard being him. I just can't understand why he's always the bridesmaid, never the bride!!! He's so supportive and I always love hin in this mode
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)wicked_sassyJanuary 9 2012, 15:51:45 UTC
This was really good! I like how you played out the dynamic between Lee and Kara--she trusts him, he wants her, but they still dance around each other. Excellent ending to the story, too.
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)rdave1January 9 2012, 18:23:37 UTC
Lee has never had it easy, has he? I adore that Kara trusts Lee more than Zak in telling him she may be pregnant. Poor Lee always stuck in the worst situation, wanting the child to be his but believing it would make him the worst kind of brother. Well done!
In Between Days: PG (2.5/4) -- Missing ParagraphapodixisJanuary 9 2012, 19:19:05 UTC
So I realized I left out a paragraph when I copied and pasted this. Go me! I can't edit the comment anymore to include it, so I'm putting it here just in case. It inserts between Part 2 & 3, so it should have been the first paragraph of Part 3. It's just a little thing that explains Lee's thought process a little more.
Lee knows now what that feeling in his stomach is. It isn’t fear for her or his brother, the implications of their affair coming out after months of keeping it quiet, or the reaction his parents would have at learning their youngest son was to be a father before he even became an officer. No, Lee knows what it is and it’s jealousy. By no means is he ready to be a father, if he ever will be, but that doesn’t stop the ache at knowing his brother has Kara Thrace in yet another way he never will. It surprises him and pains him all at once, and for a brief second, he lets that jealousy and grief wash him over as he stares across at her, tears welling up in her eyes in a show of emotion she’s never had in front of him before.
Lee puts his arm around her and pulls her in closed. He feels the wetness of tears against his neck, the shake of her body as she cries without sound. Never in a million years did he expect the woman known as Starbuck would ever give so much away to another human being, especially not one she wasn’t bedding on a regular basis.
“Zak… he’d be happy to give everything up for you, no matter the consequences.” It hurts him to say it but he does. He wants to portray his brother as everything Zak isn’t: mean, abandoning, vindictive. Lee wants to drive them apart and take her for his own, but he knows it isn’t something he’s ever meant to have. No, she’s not meant for him in the end, and what kind of bastard would he be if he preyed on her worst fears to his own advantage? That deep buried, darker part of himself goes back into hiding and Lee rubs his other hand to her arm, soothing into her skin, savoring the feel of her warmth. This is all he’ll ever have. “Give it a few days and if nothing changes, then tell him.” He nudges her chin with the back of his fingers and Kara doesn’t fight, lifting her head to meet his gaze. “He’ll be happy.”
She doesn’t acknowledge what his words do for her, but they comfort just the same while she’s lost in her own head, not able to suss out her own logical thoughts on the issue she’s in the center of. Kara pulls herself back against him and tells herself that the safety his arms bring around her is only because they feel so much like Zak’s. That, and nothing more.
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Lee watches as Zak hugs her from behind, the sound of her electric laugh even louder than the TV set. She turns in his arms, kissing Zak in the playful manner Lee’s seen a million times before in that very apartment, in a few bars downtown, even at the park after a pick-up pyramid game. He averts his eyes, not for their privacy, but for his own sanity. When his peripheral vision picks up that they’ve separated, at least enough to not have their mouths all over each other, he raises his brow to Kara, a furtive glance given in the direction of his brother, occupied with filling a large bowl with a salty snack.
Kara smiles and follows his line of sight, biting over her lower lip in the way that Lee’s been dying to see her do when she looks at him. When her eyes are back on Lee, Kara simply shakes her head, that same grin still holding. He knows what she means by it, that it isn’t a ‘No, I haven’t told him,’ but instead indicates that something’s changed since they last spoke. It had been nothing after all.
He isn’t sure of the relief she felt when she found out herself, but he knows his own, and as Lee watches his brother tug her by the wrist towards the couch, Lee lets the jealousy go. Maybe he still has a shot.
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Basically, Lee is in the ultimate friendzone of all time.
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Lee knows now what that feeling in his stomach is. It isn’t fear for her or his brother, the implications of their affair coming out after months of keeping it quiet, or the reaction his parents would have at learning their youngest son was to be a father before he even became an officer. No, Lee knows what it is and it’s jealousy. By no means is he ready to be a father, if he ever will be, but that doesn’t stop the ache at knowing his brother has Kara Thrace in yet another way he never will. It surprises him and pains him all at once, and for a brief second, he lets that jealousy and grief wash him over as he stares across at her, tears welling up in her eyes in a show of emotion she’s never had in front of him before.
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That's basically what I think about his life throughout the entire show.
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Pretty much the story of his life, right?
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Lee knows now what that feeling in his stomach is. It isn’t fear for her or his brother, the implications of their affair coming out after months of keeping it quiet, or the reaction his parents would have at learning their youngest son was to be a father before he even became an officer. No, Lee knows what it is and it’s jealousy. By no means is he ready to be a father, if he ever will be, but that doesn’t stop the ache at knowing his brother has Kara Thrace in yet another way he never will. It surprises him and pains him all at once, and for a brief second, he lets that jealousy and grief wash him over as he stares across at her, tears welling up in her eyes in a show of emotion she’s never had in front of him before.
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