In Between Days: PG (2/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 04:02:47 UTC
It’s something she would say at any other time, but the difference is she isn’t laughing or joking when she gets her words out. No, Lee immediately knows something is wrong. He follows her back to the kitchen where she’s tossing the remains of dinner into the trash, working a million miles a minute, like if she stops she’ll give herself away.
“You okay?”
“Of course,” she barely gets out, pushing her fingers through her hair.
She does everything but look at him, and there’s only so much of it Lee can take before he has to stop her. He grabs her arm as she tries to cross him back to the living room, halting her in her place. Their eyes meet, a force of habit for Kara as she lets her guard down for not more than a second. The damage is done in that instant, Lee can see the tears, the redness of irritated veins in her eyes. “You called me here for a reason.” He prompts her, his head dipping down in a show of intimacy, closeness, and his sincerity.
It says a lot that Kara doesn’t even try to pull her arm away from him, just lets it hang there, his gentle but firm grasp around her bicep. And in a moment of untold openness, she actually speaks. “I’m late.”
It isn’t in like the movies or television, where the person hearing the words comically doesn’t understand and always asks ‘Late for what?’ No, Lee knows exactly what she means and as the words hit their full recognition, he grips her a little looser and finally lets go of her all together. “How late?”
“A few days?” She offers quietly, but irritably, like he should somehow know these things. “I don’t know, I should have gotten it at the start of the week and it’s never happened… ever.”
He watches, unable to take his eyes off her face even when she looks away from him. “Did you tell Zak?”
Kara answers quickly, nearly cutting his words off. “No. Of course not.”
“Before you worry… or do anything, you should go get one of those tests, right? Unless you already did?” The entire situation’s new territory for him. Like the carefulness he’s applied to the other areas of his life, Lee’s never been on the receiving ends of those words before. There’s no protocol for this, least of all when the woman in question isn’t even his.
“I realized I was late, called you, and here we are. That’s pretty much been my entire thought process since then.” Kara leans against the arm of the couch, shoulders slumped and defeated. “Lee, I can’t, I can’t have a baby.” Her head shakes and her arms raise, gesticulating along with her words. “I’ll get put on leave, they’ll never let me back on a battlestar. I’ll be stuck on a base for the rest of my life.” Her words speed up the more she goes on, a stream of consciousness from her anxiety-plagued mind. “I can’t even afford this place as it is, but a kid? I’m not cut out for it. My parents frakked me up so much, Lee, I just can’t. I don’t even know how this happened. I’m careful, we were careful. I’ve never missed a shot, not even a day later than I should’ve had it.”
“Kara.” He says her name, hoping to stall her, but she continues on. He tries again a moment later, this time louder than before, and it does the trick, her eyes on him as her mouth shuts. “You don’t even know if you are. This just happens sometimes, right? It’s probably nothing.” There’s a stirring of some unidentifiable emotion in his stomach, his head swimming with thought while his gut burns with nausea at the prospect of what she’s saying. Kara’s pregnant, or possibly so, and suddenly the rest of his world feels ten time smaller than it had not a moment ago.
“And Zak-” She draws her hands to her face, covering over her nose and mouth as her head shakes side to side, eyes on the floor. “If anyone found out-”
He tries to level out his breathing, losing focus on her voice as the sound of blood rushing drowns it out. “Just take a test. Go to the doctor.”
“-It’ll ruin my career and his. Flight instructor frakking her student and gets pregnant before the term’s even over. I’d be ruining his life. I couldn’t even have it, he’d never be able to claim it as his because of what it would mean. And if I got rid of it-you know your brother, it would kill him.”
In Between Days: PG (3/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 04:04:07 UTC
He takes a seat finally, relaxing into the couch cushions and not a moment later Kara’s beside him, her body curled up into him. Jealousy filters out and soon guilt takes its place. She called him because she trusts him, trusts him enough to confess what she fears, and all he can think about is how much he irrationally wishes the potential child in her stomach is his. Lee recalls that night months ago on the table and now he wishes he’d gone through with it. Maybe they would have been caught by Zak and he would have to face his feelings out loud rather than bury them underneath everything he each and every day.
Lee puts his arm around her and pulls her in closed. He feels the wetness of tears against his neck, the shake of her body as she cries without sound. Never in a million years did he expect the woman known as Starbuck would ever give so much away to another human being, especially not one she wasn’t bedding on a regular basis.
“Zak… he’d be happy to give everything up for you, no matter the consequences.” It hurts him to say it but he does. He wants to portray his brother as everything Zak isn’t: mean, abandoning, vindictive. Lee wants to drive them apart and take her for his own, but he knows it isn’t something he’s ever meant to have. No, she’s not meant for him in the end, and what kind of bastard would he be if he preyed on her worst fears to his own advantage? That deep buried, darker part of himself goes back into hiding and Lee rubs his other hand to her arm, soothing into her skin, savoring the feel of her warmth. This is all he’ll ever have. “Give it a few days and if nothing changes, then tell him.” He nudges her chin with the back of his fingers and Kara doesn’t fight, lifting her head to meet his gaze. “He’ll be happy.”
She doesn’t acknowledge what his words do for her, but they comfort just the same while she’s lost in her own head, not able to suss out her own logical thoughts on the issue she’s in the center of. Kara pulls herself back against him and tells herself that the safety his arms bring around her is only because they feel so much like Zak’s. That, and nothing more.
In Between Days: PG (4/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 04:06:46 UTC
He sees her again a few days later when his brother calls to invite him to watch the pyramid game. Lee brings beer because he always does, but he isn’t sure if it’s putting Kara at risk of having to avoid drinking the stuff, and Lee curses as he carries the six pack up the flights of stairs to her floor. Zak greets him with a hug and Lee plays cool and polite while trying to figure out if Kara has told him already and he’s merely just trying to hide it. He decides Zak doesn’t know, he’s never been a good liar, at least not to his brother. Both of them make their way to the kitchen, the television already playing the pre-game show at something next to a deafening volume.
Lee watches as Zak hugs her from behind, the sound of her electric laugh even louder than the TV set. She turns in his arms, kissing Zak in the playful manner Lee’s seen a million times before in that very apartment, in a few bars downtown, even at the park after a pick-up pyramid game. He averts his eyes, not for their privacy, but for his own sanity. When his peripheral vision picks up that they’ve separated, at least enough to not have their mouths all over each other, he raises his brow to Kara, a furtive glance given in the direction of his brother, occupied with filling a large bowl with a salty snack.
Kara smiles and follows his line of sight, biting over her lower lip in the way that Lee’s been dying to see her do when she looks at him. When her eyes are back on Lee, Kara simply shakes her head, that same grin still holding. He knows what she means by it, that it isn’t a ‘No, I haven’t told him,’ but instead indicates that something’s changed since they last spoke. It had been nothing after all.
He isn’t sure of the relief she felt when she found out herself, but he knows his own, and as Lee watches his brother tug her by the wrist towards the couch, Lee lets the jealousy go. Maybe he still has a shot.
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 19:13:14 UTC
Kara of yore was a little more open, a little more trusting, a little more everything (at least to me!), and that's what leads her to telling Lee here. Actually confessing it to Zak is too much, even for her back then, so Lee gets the role of comforting her.
Basically, Lee is in the ultimate friendzone of all time.
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)duchessduchieJanuary 9 2012, 09:24:02 UTC
I just love this! I love how Lee was the one that she told. I love how you had Lee internally battle between what he wants and the right thing. I love how at the end Lee has hope that it is not too late for him and Kara.
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 19:14:52 UTC
Since we know Lee so well, we know he usually does the 'right thing.' Says a lot for his character, but unfortunately not for him actually achieving some kind of happiness for himself!
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)scifishipperJanuary 9 2012, 13:31:55 UTC
This is so painful for Lee. Seeing with Zak, wanting so much for the "child" to be his. I just ache for him here, that desperate need for her that he can't quit. I don't want her to be kissing Zak or feeling happy with him. Oh, Lee, I just want to hug him so tight. *cries* :(
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)apodixisJanuary 9 2012, 19:16:53 UTC
I actually JUST realized I left out a paragraph somewhere when I copied and pasted this. Luckily, not too much was missed, but it explained Lee's inner thought process a little more. I've pasted it below for you in case you wanted to read it, since you touched on that specific thought in his head. It would insert between parts 2 & 3 (being the first paragraph of 3):
Lee knows now what that feeling in his stomach is. It isn’t fear for her or his brother, the implications of their affair coming out after months of keeping it quiet, or the reaction his parents would have at learning their youngest son was to be a father before he even became an officer. No, Lee knows what it is and it’s jealousy. By no means is he ready to be a father, if he ever will be, but that doesn’t stop the ache at knowing his brother has Kara Thrace in yet another way he never will. It surprises him and pains him all at once, and for a brief second, he lets that jealousy and grief wash him over as he stares across at her, tears welling up in her eyes in a show of emotion she’s never had in front of him before.
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)koolaidmom11January 9 2012, 13:56:19 UTC
Oh Lee, Lee, Lee ... It's so hard being him. I just can't understand why he's always the bridesmaid, never the bride!!! He's so supportive and I always love hin in this mode
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)wicked_sassyJanuary 9 2012, 15:51:45 UTC
This was really good! I like how you played out the dynamic between Lee and Kara--she trusts him, he wants her, but they still dance around each other. Excellent ending to the story, too.
Re: In Between Days: PG (4/4)rdave1January 9 2012, 18:23:37 UTC
Lee has never had it easy, has he? I adore that Kara trusts Lee more than Zak in telling him she may be pregnant. Poor Lee always stuck in the worst situation, wanting the child to be his but believing it would make him the worst kind of brother. Well done!
“You okay?”
“Of course,” she barely gets out, pushing her fingers through her hair.
She does everything but look at him, and there’s only so much of it Lee can take before he has to stop her. He grabs her arm as she tries to cross him back to the living room, halting her in her place. Their eyes meet, a force of habit for Kara as she lets her guard down for not more than a second. The damage is done in that instant, Lee can see the tears, the redness of irritated veins in her eyes. “You called me here for a reason.” He prompts her, his head dipping down in a show of intimacy, closeness, and his sincerity.
It says a lot that Kara doesn’t even try to pull her arm away from him, just lets it hang there, his gentle but firm grasp around her bicep. And in a moment of untold openness, she actually speaks. “I’m late.”
It isn’t in like the movies or television, where the person hearing the words comically doesn’t understand and always asks ‘Late for what?’ No, Lee knows exactly what she means and as the words hit their full recognition, he grips her a little looser and finally lets go of her all together. “How late?”
“A few days?” She offers quietly, but irritably, like he should somehow know these things. “I don’t know, I should have gotten it at the start of the week and it’s never happened… ever.”
He watches, unable to take his eyes off her face even when she looks away from him. “Did you tell Zak?”
Kara answers quickly, nearly cutting his words off. “No. Of course not.”
“Before you worry… or do anything, you should go get one of those tests, right? Unless you already did?” The entire situation’s new territory for him. Like the carefulness he’s applied to the other areas of his life, Lee’s never been on the receiving ends of those words before. There’s no protocol for this, least of all when the woman in question isn’t even his.
“I realized I was late, called you, and here we are. That’s pretty much been my entire thought process since then.” Kara leans against the arm of the couch, shoulders slumped and defeated. “Lee, I can’t, I can’t have a baby.” Her head shakes and her arms raise, gesticulating along with her words. “I’ll get put on leave, they’ll never let me back on a battlestar. I’ll be stuck on a base for the rest of my life.” Her words speed up the more she goes on, a stream of consciousness from her anxiety-plagued mind. “I can’t even afford this place as it is, but a kid? I’m not cut out for it. My parents frakked me up so much, Lee, I just can’t. I don’t even know how this happened. I’m careful, we were careful. I’ve never missed a shot, not even a day later than I should’ve had it.”
“Kara.” He says her name, hoping to stall her, but she continues on. He tries again a moment later, this time louder than before, and it does the trick, her eyes on him as her mouth shuts. “You don’t even know if you are. This just happens sometimes, right? It’s probably nothing.” There’s a stirring of some unidentifiable emotion in his stomach, his head swimming with thought while his gut burns with nausea at the prospect of what she’s saying. Kara’s pregnant, or possibly so, and suddenly the rest of his world feels ten time smaller than it had not a moment ago.
“And Zak-” She draws her hands to her face, covering over her nose and mouth as her head shakes side to side, eyes on the floor. “If anyone found out-”
He tries to level out his breathing, losing focus on her voice as the sound of blood rushing drowns it out. “Just take a test. Go to the doctor.”
“-It’ll ruin my career and his. Flight instructor frakking her student and gets pregnant before the term’s even over. I’d be ruining his life. I couldn’t even have it, he’d never be able to claim it as his because of what it would mean. And if I got rid of it-you know your brother, it would kill him.”
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Lee puts his arm around her and pulls her in closed. He feels the wetness of tears against his neck, the shake of her body as she cries without sound. Never in a million years did he expect the woman known as Starbuck would ever give so much away to another human being, especially not one she wasn’t bedding on a regular basis.
“Zak… he’d be happy to give everything up for you, no matter the consequences.” It hurts him to say it but he does. He wants to portray his brother as everything Zak isn’t: mean, abandoning, vindictive. Lee wants to drive them apart and take her for his own, but he knows it isn’t something he’s ever meant to have. No, she’s not meant for him in the end, and what kind of bastard would he be if he preyed on her worst fears to his own advantage? That deep buried, darker part of himself goes back into hiding and Lee rubs his other hand to her arm, soothing into her skin, savoring the feel of her warmth. This is all he’ll ever have. “Give it a few days and if nothing changes, then tell him.” He nudges her chin with the back of his fingers and Kara doesn’t fight, lifting her head to meet his gaze. “He’ll be happy.”
She doesn’t acknowledge what his words do for her, but they comfort just the same while she’s lost in her own head, not able to suss out her own logical thoughts on the issue she’s in the center of. Kara pulls herself back against him and tells herself that the safety his arms bring around her is only because they feel so much like Zak’s. That, and nothing more.
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Lee watches as Zak hugs her from behind, the sound of her electric laugh even louder than the TV set. She turns in his arms, kissing Zak in the playful manner Lee’s seen a million times before in that very apartment, in a few bars downtown, even at the park after a pick-up pyramid game. He averts his eyes, not for their privacy, but for his own sanity. When his peripheral vision picks up that they’ve separated, at least enough to not have their mouths all over each other, he raises his brow to Kara, a furtive glance given in the direction of his brother, occupied with filling a large bowl with a salty snack.
Kara smiles and follows his line of sight, biting over her lower lip in the way that Lee’s been dying to see her do when she looks at him. When her eyes are back on Lee, Kara simply shakes her head, that same grin still holding. He knows what she means by it, that it isn’t a ‘No, I haven’t told him,’ but instead indicates that something’s changed since they last spoke. It had been nothing after all.
He isn’t sure of the relief she felt when she found out herself, but he knows his own, and as Lee watches his brother tug her by the wrist towards the couch, Lee lets the jealousy go. Maybe he still has a shot.
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Basically, Lee is in the ultimate friendzone of all time.
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Lee knows now what that feeling in his stomach is. It isn’t fear for her or his brother, the implications of their affair coming out after months of keeping it quiet, or the reaction his parents would have at learning their youngest son was to be a father before he even became an officer. No, Lee knows what it is and it’s jealousy. By no means is he ready to be a father, if he ever will be, but that doesn’t stop the ache at knowing his brother has Kara Thrace in yet another way he never will. It surprises him and pains him all at once, and for a brief second, he lets that jealousy and grief wash him over as he stares across at her, tears welling up in her eyes in a show of emotion she’s never had in front of him before.
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That's basically what I think about his life throughout the entire show.
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Pretty much the story of his life, right?
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