rambling
Just wanted to put down my thoughts somewhere.
I just read a really interesting article ( http://www.infocirc.org/rollston.htm ) that got me thinking. Its a thought pattern I've walked before many times. Questions about who I am, what I am, how I'm different.
Whats wrong with me.
I donno.
Those closest to me know I'm not very interested in sex. Despite being an erotica artist for years, I find myself in a position of not being able to understand the pro-suit of sex. Its not really one of my driving functions.
Of course I'm pretty sure that this is due to the fact that my hormones are utterly screwed up. Its bad enough that if I go off my birth control I start thinking that anyone who actually wants sex is skeevy and scary and not normal.
Yeah.
Even with the hormone treatments I have to shave every day, I've put on weight, the hormones are the only thing keeping my monthly regular.
I know I probably won't ever be able to have kids- and whatever I think about sex... I really do want children.
Then I get to thinking.. well how long have my hormones been screwed up?
I liked boys toys. I'm a gamer girl, I would rather be hiking, whittling, climbing trees, racing go-karts when I was little.
On the other hand I -do- like to cook, and I like my dolls too, even if half of them are action figures and robots.
..And I'm bi. Boys and girls both, not just one.. and my body definitely -looks- female. I couldn't look like a boy if I tried.
I've day dreamed and drempt at night about being a boy on more than one occasion..
But I feel more or less complete.. or more than that..
That what gender I am doesn't really matter at all to me, I'm just me.
Being just me seems just.. somewhat more abnormal than not.
..anyhow, thanks for listening to me ramble.
Wren
I just read a really interesting article ( http://www.infocirc.org/rollston.htm ) that got me thinking. Its a thought pattern I've walked before many times. Questions about who I am, what I am, how I'm different.
Whats wrong with me.
I donno.
Those closest to me know I'm not very interested in sex. Despite being an erotica artist for years, I find myself in a position of not being able to understand the pro-suit of sex. Its not really one of my driving functions.
Of course I'm pretty sure that this is due to the fact that my hormones are utterly screwed up. Its bad enough that if I go off my birth control I start thinking that anyone who actually wants sex is skeevy and scary and not normal.
Yeah.
Even with the hormone treatments I have to shave every day, I've put on weight, the hormones are the only thing keeping my monthly regular.
I know I probably won't ever be able to have kids- and whatever I think about sex... I really do want children.
Then I get to thinking.. well how long have my hormones been screwed up?
I liked boys toys. I'm a gamer girl, I would rather be hiking, whittling, climbing trees, racing go-karts when I was little.
On the other hand I -do- like to cook, and I like my dolls too, even if half of them are action figures and robots.
..And I'm bi. Boys and girls both, not just one.. and my body definitely -looks- female. I couldn't look like a boy if I tried.
I've day dreamed and drempt at night about being a boy on more than one occasion..
But I feel more or less complete.. or more than that..
That what gender I am doesn't really matter at all to me, I'm just me.
Being just me seems just.. somewhat more abnormal than not.
..anyhow, thanks for listening to me ramble.
Wren