(no subject)
Okay, so over the past month or so, at first a few times a week but now pretty nearly every single night, I've been woken up in the middle of the night by absolutely horrible, excruciating, *paralyzing* pain in every major joint in my body. Ankles, knees, hips, back, shoulders - just *everywhere*. I mean, after all the surgeries and the spinal disease and all, I have a pretty damn high pain tolerance and this pain is *bad*, bad enough that I'm waking up literally freaking crying and afraid to move, it hurts that badly.
I saw my oncologist last week and discussed it with him. Given the levels of pain, the inflammation in so many major joints and on both sides of my body, he's very concerned that I may have rheumatoid arthritis.
Which both really depresses and frightens the hell out of me. I do not need another health issue - especially a major one that I know virtually nothing about. I don't think I have the strength to even contemplate, let alone actually face, this horrible kind of pain every day for the rest of my life. My back is already bad enough. Feeling this new type of pain in every major joint, all over my body? Might just be the thing that finally breaks me after managing to get through all the other health crap.
Don't anybody panic - I'm not suicidal or anything. Just tired and worn down after weeks straight of sleep being disrupted by pain, and depressed contemplating having to face a future full of yet more of the same. So I'm venting, that's all. I'll deal as always.
Anyway, so now I'm scheduled to see my primary doc this Wednesday, so he can refer me to a rheumatologist and I'm guessing rounds of some kind of tests. Yay, joy, fun for me.
Right, now I'm going to go, eat some chocolates, hug my cats, and wait for the new Game of Thrones to come on. Peace, all. This entry was originally posted at http://thdancingferret.dreamwidth.org/121503.html.