May 01, 2008 23:56
I frequently post on a Detroit social dynamics forum. We are a pretty tight-knit group, and most of us are friends off-line. It's a privilege to know many of these guys, as they are some of the coolest, most genuine people I've ever met. I have learned much about social dynamics from them, and I have the utmost respect for them.
The weird thing is, they apparently really respect me too. Here are a few comments I've received in the past couple days:
"this article was inspiring, brilliant and enlightening. Right on the money. It was like someone took my thoughts and wrote them better than I could have."
That was from an article I wrote a fucking year ago, and even then I didn't think it was anything special.
"I skipped over all of the replies because I know Josh handled the spiritual, logical, and probably every other reason as to why you didnt get the girl, and wont. Damn that smart bastard."
This came from my friend Sasha, who at 18 is already teaching guys twice his age about dating, social dynamics, etc. He's one of the best in the state, and even frequently gives lectures. So a compliment from him actually means quite a bit.
Anyway, the guy we were replying to didn't like what we had to say since we wouldn't tell him what he wants to hear. He said "I'm starting to doubt the insight of the people here because everyone is saying why I probably won't get her". I found this humorous; a guy who has to ask why a girl is so cold around him is doubting US? In response to that, one of the guys said this(my handle on the forum is MantlePicture):
"Anyways, Sasha and Mantle are two of the more talented people in this forum. Sasha's skills are solid, his advice is even more solid...sometimes, you just have to read past his ego and brashness and just pay attention to his writings. Mantle is our resident RSD expert and his thought process is truly amazing. His writings are as solid as any of the "experts" you will find online. Mantle, along with most of us here, believes that successful pickup is more a process of bettering oneself and less a function of learned tricks and cute canned material. The best PUA's have learned to be confident and better themselves, thus coming across as a natural."
I find this all a bit shocking, really. I had never even kissed a girl until I was 20, and now I'm being called an EXPERT?! As flattering as that is, I'm not sure I like it. I'm just on my own personal journey, and I'm trying to make sense of everything just like everyone else. I'm just searching for my own truth, and trying to help others find their's.
But all this is making me realize something. Apparently, I have a way with words; some kind of charisma that's drawing people to me. While my self-deprecating tenancies want me to just write it off, I'm hearing shit like this constantly, so I can't ignore it. I'm not just hearing it from newbies and losers... I'm actually hearing it from people I respect and look up to.
On one level, this frustrates me. I can't help but think, "why is it that I am inspiring everyone but myself? I apparently have this "power", but I can't find a way to channel it productively." But it also give me drive to put this stuff to use. If I can channel this into music, I know I can be successful. I've always felt my purpose in life was to inspire and heal, and it feels good to know that is starting to manifest itself. I feel a bit lost right now, but I'm confident that if I keep stumbling around, I'll find the next step. It's not like it's been an easy ride up to this point, so I shouldn't expect it to be easy now. My whole life, I've been like a drunk guy walking a line. I may stumble a lot, but I'm determined to fight through the haze and make it.