I am outside [Give me peace]
[Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
-Trainspotting]
She could feel it all running through her and out her, seeping through her skin and crawling inside with every breath. It made her feel dirty inside and out but no matter how many showers she took, she couldn't scrub it off. At the moment, she was standing in front of Oz's door wrapped in a threadbare sweater, a pair of overalls and a tee shirt. Her hands shook as she reached out and knocked lightly on his door. She couldn't go to Buffy because it was after dark and the slayer was out patrolling. She knew from her conversations with Buffy that Danny wasn't equipped to deal with something like this. There was no one to turn to and she couldn't face staring at an empty place by herself right now. She needed distraction and while Oz was her last resort, he hadn't been the last person she'd thought of. He'd merely been the last one she'd been willing to go to. Things were still so undecided and occasionally awkward between the two of them. She held her breath, half hoping he was out patrolling with the rest of the gang.
The knock at the door was a surprise. Oz didn't normally have visitors. Cady and Gabe were out patrolling and both had a key. Normally, he would have been out patrolling also but with the recent apocalyptic events his control over the wolf had been just uncertain enough to keep him indoors. As it was, he was sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room in a partial state of meditation. Candles were lit around the room and two sticks of incense that he had purchased from a Shaman overseas burned leaving the room in a musky scent.
He stood and walked to the door wearing a pair of corduroy pants and a bright yellow t-shirt. Before he even had the door open, he knew who it was. He had always been able to sense and smell Willow. Expression as blank as always, he opened the door. "Hey. It's you."
Willow tugged the sleeves of her sweater down over her knuckles, tucking her fingers tightly against her palms to keep them there. She bit her lip and looked up sheepishly at Oz. Her hands were still shaking slightly and she was trying to still them. "Were you busy? If you're busy I can come back some other time. Or go get some donuts and bring them back later. You know when you've had time to be less busy like." She tiptoed and craned her neck, looking past the door. "I could go. I should go. I just...hi."
Oz simply listened to the ramble, completely calm to the naked eye until Willow mentioned leaving. "Uh. no... no." He stepped aside and ran his hand back and forth through his currently dyed midnight-blue hair. "Come in. Not very much with the busy actually."
"Yeah?" Willow asked, both eyebrows arching up toward her hairline. She hesitated again, ducking her head then stepping across the threshold. She glanced around the room, unable to make the glamorous penthouse fit with her idea of a place Oz would live. She knew it was because Cady had wanted it and she'd talked to Oz enough to realize he rarely, if ever told Cady no. She turned back to look at Oz over her shoulder, fingers and hands still fiddling with the cuffs of her sleeves. "Are Cady and Gabe here?"
"Patrolling." It didn't take much for the wolf to feel that Willow was as on edge as he was. Her outward demeanor did little to hide the fact, but what the wolf felt from Willow was on the inside. After closing and locking the door, he rested a hand to her forearm to guide her further inside the expansive home to the large, main room where the candles were lit. "You okay?"
Willow nodded but the words came more slowly. "Y-yeah," she said hesitantly. "It's just...everything. I can feel everything and it's bad and it's getting worse and it's all coming through me. I needed to get out and not stare at the wall and feel the bad. Buffy is out patrolling and Dawn is with Sassy and Spike and I didn't know where else to go."
He was quiet for a long moment, deep in thought as he studied her profile. They had spoken minimally since her arrival in New York City. And now he took a moment to get a good look at her. Time had been kind. She was still Willow but more grown up and mature. Her hair was a darker shade of red. There might have been a worry line across her forehead but he couldn't tell for sure in the candle light.
His hand slid down her arm to her hand and he began to move towards the pallet of pillows he had laid out on the floor. "Why don't you sit there?" He asked, indicating the pallet.
It was habit and instinct to follow Oz, letting him lead her through the house to the pile of pillows and sank down into them. Her brow furrowed with confusion and then she glanced around the room again, getting a closer look. From the incense burning, the candles and decor, it was obviously a meditation room. Her eyes went wide again as she looked back to him. "Oh! Oh!" she stumbled over her words as if they were blocks. "Are you sure? I'm not contaminating your space? Or making it...more difficult? Or something?" Her gaze flickered to their hands, still joined.
Oz answered with a barely noticeable smirk as he sat down across from her and facing her. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and palms up. When she placed her hands in his, his fingers closed around hers holding onto her as he closed his eyes. In general, Willow had always had a calming effect on him. Despite their long ago encounter when he had last seen her and tumultuous effects it had had on him, she had always been a peaceful space for him to inhabit.
After a long moment of silence, he opened his eyes again to capture hers that were still so bright in the dimly lit room. He gave her a slight nod. "This is okay."
Willow watched Oz as he sat across from her with his eyes closed. He seemed older but still so very much Oz. The calm that he carried around with him added years to him. She could still feel the anxiety over what was to come and the dirt that it brought crawling inside of her. Simply sitting still was an exercise in control so she focused on the little details, ignoring the bigger ones and concentrating very hard on not pulling anything off of him. She didn't want to make things any harder for him. Her hands were hot in his but she wasn't uncomfortable with it. It was a little like curling up in your own bed after a long trip. She felt like she'd just gotten back from that very long trip. When he opened his eyes and nodded at her, she knew it was a signal. Oz obviously knew what she was and how it worked. She bit her bottom lip, worrying it between her teeth. Finally she nodded and took a deep breath, her eyes closing in opposition to his. Absorbing his calm wasn't difficult. In fact, it was not absorbing it that took concentration. In order to suck the power off him and into her, all she had to do was breathe.
He watched her. He felt the pull on his psyche and while it was different, it wasn't uncomfortable. It wasn't uncomfortable because it was Willow. While he had let go of her long ago, he had kept up with her. He knew the things she had discovered about herself and how powerful she had become through Xander, Giles, and sometimes Buffy.
When she opened her eyes again, his hands still in hers, she felt like someone had attached a weight to her. She was heavier, centered and much calmer than she had been moments ago. She studied him carefully, quietly, looking for signs of distress. "Okay? Still?"
Because Kennedy had gotten seriously pissed and wigged out when Willow sucked power off her.
Once she opened her eyes again and he saw a calm there replacing the jittery nerves that she had had only moments before, he nodded. "We're okay."
-Trainspotting]
She could feel it all running through her and out her, seeping through her skin and crawling inside with every breath. It made her feel dirty inside and out but no matter how many showers she took, she couldn't scrub it off. At the moment, she was standing in front of Oz's door wrapped in a threadbare sweater, a pair of overalls and a tee shirt. Her hands shook as she reached out and knocked lightly on his door. She couldn't go to Buffy because it was after dark and the slayer was out patrolling. She knew from her conversations with Buffy that Danny wasn't equipped to deal with something like this. There was no one to turn to and she couldn't face staring at an empty place by herself right now. She needed distraction and while Oz was her last resort, he hadn't been the last person she'd thought of. He'd merely been the last one she'd been willing to go to. Things were still so undecided and occasionally awkward between the two of them. She held her breath, half hoping he was out patrolling with the rest of the gang.
The knock at the door was a surprise. Oz didn't normally have visitors. Cady and Gabe were out patrolling and both had a key. Normally, he would have been out patrolling also but with the recent apocalyptic events his control over the wolf had been just uncertain enough to keep him indoors. As it was, he was sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room in a partial state of meditation. Candles were lit around the room and two sticks of incense that he had purchased from a Shaman overseas burned leaving the room in a musky scent.
He stood and walked to the door wearing a pair of corduroy pants and a bright yellow t-shirt. Before he even had the door open, he knew who it was. He had always been able to sense and smell Willow. Expression as blank as always, he opened the door. "Hey. It's you."
Willow tugged the sleeves of her sweater down over her knuckles, tucking her fingers tightly against her palms to keep them there. She bit her lip and looked up sheepishly at Oz. Her hands were still shaking slightly and she was trying to still them. "Were you busy? If you're busy I can come back some other time. Or go get some donuts and bring them back later. You know when you've had time to be less busy like." She tiptoed and craned her neck, looking past the door. "I could go. I should go. I just...hi."
Oz simply listened to the ramble, completely calm to the naked eye until Willow mentioned leaving. "Uh. no... no." He stepped aside and ran his hand back and forth through his currently dyed midnight-blue hair. "Come in. Not very much with the busy actually."
"Yeah?" Willow asked, both eyebrows arching up toward her hairline. She hesitated again, ducking her head then stepping across the threshold. She glanced around the room, unable to make the glamorous penthouse fit with her idea of a place Oz would live. She knew it was because Cady had wanted it and she'd talked to Oz enough to realize he rarely, if ever told Cady no. She turned back to look at Oz over her shoulder, fingers and hands still fiddling with the cuffs of her sleeves. "Are Cady and Gabe here?"
"Patrolling." It didn't take much for the wolf to feel that Willow was as on edge as he was. Her outward demeanor did little to hide the fact, but what the wolf felt from Willow was on the inside. After closing and locking the door, he rested a hand to her forearm to guide her further inside the expansive home to the large, main room where the candles were lit. "You okay?"
Willow nodded but the words came more slowly. "Y-yeah," she said hesitantly. "It's just...everything. I can feel everything and it's bad and it's getting worse and it's all coming through me. I needed to get out and not stare at the wall and feel the bad. Buffy is out patrolling and Dawn is with Sassy and Spike and I didn't know where else to go."
He was quiet for a long moment, deep in thought as he studied her profile. They had spoken minimally since her arrival in New York City. And now he took a moment to get a good look at her. Time had been kind. She was still Willow but more grown up and mature. Her hair was a darker shade of red. There might have been a worry line across her forehead but he couldn't tell for sure in the candle light.
His hand slid down her arm to her hand and he began to move towards the pallet of pillows he had laid out on the floor. "Why don't you sit there?" He asked, indicating the pallet.
It was habit and instinct to follow Oz, letting him lead her through the house to the pile of pillows and sank down into them. Her brow furrowed with confusion and then she glanced around the room again, getting a closer look. From the incense burning, the candles and decor, it was obviously a meditation room. Her eyes went wide again as she looked back to him. "Oh! Oh!" she stumbled over her words as if they were blocks. "Are you sure? I'm not contaminating your space? Or making it...more difficult? Or something?" Her gaze flickered to their hands, still joined.
Oz answered with a barely noticeable smirk as he sat down across from her and facing her. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and palms up. When she placed her hands in his, his fingers closed around hers holding onto her as he closed his eyes. In general, Willow had always had a calming effect on him. Despite their long ago encounter when he had last seen her and tumultuous effects it had had on him, she had always been a peaceful space for him to inhabit.
After a long moment of silence, he opened his eyes again to capture hers that were still so bright in the dimly lit room. He gave her a slight nod. "This is okay."
Willow watched Oz as he sat across from her with his eyes closed. He seemed older but still so very much Oz. The calm that he carried around with him added years to him. She could still feel the anxiety over what was to come and the dirt that it brought crawling inside of her. Simply sitting still was an exercise in control so she focused on the little details, ignoring the bigger ones and concentrating very hard on not pulling anything off of him. She didn't want to make things any harder for him. Her hands were hot in his but she wasn't uncomfortable with it. It was a little like curling up in your own bed after a long trip. She felt like she'd just gotten back from that very long trip. When he opened his eyes and nodded at her, she knew it was a signal. Oz obviously knew what she was and how it worked. She bit her bottom lip, worrying it between her teeth. Finally she nodded and took a deep breath, her eyes closing in opposition to his. Absorbing his calm wasn't difficult. In fact, it was not absorbing it that took concentration. In order to suck the power off him and into her, all she had to do was breathe.
He watched her. He felt the pull on his psyche and while it was different, it wasn't uncomfortable. It wasn't uncomfortable because it was Willow. While he had let go of her long ago, he had kept up with her. He knew the things she had discovered about herself and how powerful she had become through Xander, Giles, and sometimes Buffy.
When she opened her eyes again, his hands still in hers, she felt like someone had attached a weight to her. She was heavier, centered and much calmer than she had been moments ago. She studied him carefully, quietly, looking for signs of distress. "Okay? Still?"
Because Kennedy had gotten seriously pissed and wigged out when Willow sucked power off her.
Once she opened her eyes again and he saw a calm there replacing the jittery nerves that she had had only moments before, he nodded. "We're okay."