Why MySpace Sucks.
It's not the horribly-formatted, HTML-topheavy, 1996-called-and-wants-its-style-back personal pages.
It's not the spam from wannabe pr0n stars.
It's not even the fact that it's littered with mouthbreathing post-adolescents for whom things like spelling and punctuation are just too highfalutin'.
Nope. Off-putting as all those things are, the main reason MySpace sucks like a Hoover on crack is:
"SHAVE THE LEGS!" ...and get a free ringtone.
It was bad enough that these are ads disguised as games, but at least the first handfuls of these little Flash jobs were easily ignored if somewhat stupid. Now they're scraping not only the bottom of the barrel, but the insides of your nostrils:
"PICK THE NOSE!"
Sweet Jebus on a rubber crutch.
The door's been flung open wide now. Look for the following ringtone contests soon!
"DOUCHE THE VAG!"
"CLEANSE THE COLON!"
"BUGGER THE ALTAR BOY!"
"SCREW THE ELECTORATE!"
Hyperbole? Hmph. I don't see that the above games are any more offensive than "HELP BUSH PUMP MORE OIL!", so you know they're somewhere between the drawing board and your page. (Don't even ask me to figure out why you get punched out if you fail to shave the guy's back. 'Roid rage? Gay panic? The mind, it boggles.)
So, in conclusion: MySpace sucks, but not as hard it will suck tomorrow! (And we'll all be back. Me included.)
Gotta run, a ringtone awaits! Now where'd I leave that speculum and enema bag...?
It's not the spam from wannabe pr0n stars.
It's not even the fact that it's littered with mouthbreathing post-adolescents for whom things like spelling and punctuation are just too highfalutin'.
Nope. Off-putting as all those things are, the main reason MySpace sucks like a Hoover on crack is:
"SHAVE THE LEGS!" ...and get a free ringtone.
It was bad enough that these are ads disguised as games, but at least the first handfuls of these little Flash jobs were easily ignored if somewhat stupid. Now they're scraping not only the bottom of the barrel, but the insides of your nostrils:
"PICK THE NOSE!"
Sweet Jebus on a rubber crutch.
The door's been flung open wide now. Look for the following ringtone contests soon!
"DOUCHE THE VAG!"
"CLEANSE THE COLON!"
"BUGGER THE ALTAR BOY!"
"SCREW THE ELECTORATE!"
Hyperbole? Hmph. I don't see that the above games are any more offensive than "HELP BUSH PUMP MORE OIL!", so you know they're somewhere between the drawing board and your page. (Don't even ask me to figure out why you get punched out if you fail to shave the guy's back. 'Roid rage? Gay panic? The mind, it boggles.)
So, in conclusion: MySpace sucks, but not as hard it will suck tomorrow! (And we'll all be back. Me included.)
Gotta run, a ringtone awaits! Now where'd I leave that speculum and enema bag...?