Squishy
The Superintendant of Eno River State Park is a friend of ours, and a talented writer. He could (and should, dammit) write a book about his experiences as a park ranger. Yesterday he forwarded a letter that he'd sent regarding his latest adventure:
"Below is a letter I sent to Sean, the guy in charge of our park's wildlife collecting permit. Most parks keep a freezer where we store animals that are found dead but in good enough condition to possibly be used for taxidermy purposes. Thought you might be amused . . . but don't read it right after or before eating:
Greetings, Sean.
Just wanted to let you know that sometime during my tenure here at Eno River State Park the park’s wildlife collection freezer, located in the basement of my residence, has suffered a catastrophic failure. Upon opening it yesterday to inventory it I was greeted with a smell worse than anything I have as yet inhaled (and I cleaned out football stadium bathrooms for a living one summer). Donning gloves and a respirator as per Safety Guidelines I inventoried the following critters, all complete losses as far as collection goes;
1 very mushy red tailed hawk- collected 12/14/07 by J. Gwinn
1 pond slider resembling yellow peppers in marinara sauce- collected 3/7/09 by C. Ammon
1 extremely squishy black plastic trash bag simply labeled ‘Grey Fox’. I did not confirm the contents.
1 bag of Mink Soup- collected 5/2009 by unknown person
1 perfectly putrefied big brown bat, collected 3/12/09 by C. Ammon
1 very curdled ovenbird- collected 4/20/05 by persons unknown
1 gelatinous black rat snake- collected 4/28/09 by C. Ammon
1 unlabeled black plastic trash bag full of something that once had hair, now the consistency of cottage cheese.
1 unlabeled black plastic trash bag full of something else that had hair but was smaller and smelled even worse. Possibly a raccoonopossum. Hard to tell.
2 small bags of yogurt like rodents, probably shrews or voles- labels were inside bags and had . . . melded into the mix too much to read.
1 yellow bellied sapsucker- good condition. Just kidding. Kind of like Gumbo. With Feathers.
1 Aquafina water bottle, ½ full. (WOW! Who would store . . . never mind!) Disposed of hastily, and not by ingestion, I can tell you.
I have disposed of the remains and wanted to let you know that for the time being Eno River does not have anywhere to store animal carcasses and so will forward any recoveries onto neighboring parks. I will see if I can defrost the freezer and get it working again. If not I will add one to the equipment list for the park.
-Keith, who is never, ever bored at his job."
"Below is a letter I sent to Sean, the guy in charge of our park's wildlife collecting permit. Most parks keep a freezer where we store animals that are found dead but in good enough condition to possibly be used for taxidermy purposes. Thought you might be amused . . . but don't read it right after or before eating:
Greetings, Sean.
Just wanted to let you know that sometime during my tenure here at Eno River State Park the park’s wildlife collection freezer, located in the basement of my residence, has suffered a catastrophic failure. Upon opening it yesterday to inventory it I was greeted with a smell worse than anything I have as yet inhaled (and I cleaned out football stadium bathrooms for a living one summer). Donning gloves and a respirator as per Safety Guidelines I inventoried the following critters, all complete losses as far as collection goes;
1 very mushy red tailed hawk- collected 12/14/07 by J. Gwinn
1 pond slider resembling yellow peppers in marinara sauce- collected 3/7/09 by C. Ammon
1 extremely squishy black plastic trash bag simply labeled ‘Grey Fox’. I did not confirm the contents.
1 bag of Mink Soup- collected 5/2009 by unknown person
1 perfectly putrefied big brown bat, collected 3/12/09 by C. Ammon
1 very curdled ovenbird- collected 4/20/05 by persons unknown
1 gelatinous black rat snake- collected 4/28/09 by C. Ammon
1 unlabeled black plastic trash bag full of something that once had hair, now the consistency of cottage cheese.
1 unlabeled black plastic trash bag full of something else that had hair but was smaller and smelled even worse. Possibly a raccoonopossum. Hard to tell.
2 small bags of yogurt like rodents, probably shrews or voles- labels were inside bags and had . . . melded into the mix too much to read.
1 yellow bellied sapsucker- good condition. Just kidding. Kind of like Gumbo. With Feathers.
1 Aquafina water bottle, ½ full. (WOW! Who would store . . . never mind!) Disposed of hastily, and not by ingestion, I can tell you.
I have disposed of the remains and wanted to let you know that for the time being Eno River does not have anywhere to store animal carcasses and so will forward any recoveries onto neighboring parks. I will see if I can defrost the freezer and get it working again. If not I will add one to the equipment list for the park.
-Keith, who is never, ever bored at his job."