I resolve
to get out of this funk I have been in for months...I don't even think my friends have noticed but I have not been myself lately...I don't know if its depression over how my life is now..the fact that no matter how hard I work I never have enough money or that my relationships always end in terrible ways...but I am determined to find me again...for the past few months when I go out, I am not the out going fun-loving person I used to be...I used to love to meet new people...but now I just shyly stand by as my friends do their thing...that has never been me..I have always been a leader...the first to start up conversation with a stupid joke or crazy comment...the first to get everyone talking...I wonder if my self confidence has faultered since the last break up and realization of not being able to make ends meet...I can't even talk to my father about finances without crying bc I know he really dosen't have the money to lend me and I don't know what to do....I know I can make it...I used to be an amazingly positive person...I resolve to start working out...not to make myself look better for the opposite sex but to feel like I am bettering myself...I resolve to drag my ass out of bed on days I don't have work and explore this great city I have been living in for the past 6 months....hop on the metro(the subway up here) and see what this place can offer me!...I am done taking the backseat in my own life....I have to do community service so I am going to find something that really makes me feel good doing and do it!...if you see or here me complaining...do me a favor and tell me to shut the fuck up and do something about it!! I know I have it in me and now I just need to prove it to my goddamned self!