(no subject)
And now for the news...
Good morning, thanks for reading during the 9 o clock news update. The time is 52 past the hour.
In local news, the excessive pruner is out of control! Reporters have been at the scence all this week monitoring this gentleman that is obsessed with trimming branches. On occassion, he has taken down entire panels of bamboo. Let's check in with our reporter now and see what's going on... Jim?
'Well hey there, Bob! What a week it has been! Let me tell you, I feel nothing but pity and remorse in my heart for the residents in the alley along 31st street. What a mess they have been left with. In my research I have found that there are two houses on this street that are obessed with pruning. Yes! Pruning Jim! Garbage is taken out once a week here, and there is never any space in the dumpster because of all the flotsam these household have been putting their dead trimmings in. I have seen the angry neighbors shake their heads as they come down stairs with garbage bags, only to bring them back in and hope for better luck next week. It has really gotten out of hand, the scene here is not pretty.'
You heard it here folks, thanks again Jim. If there are any charitable organizations that wish to help the poor victims of these excessive pruning action, please find it in your hearts to deliver a very large, immobile chipper to the yard of **** 31st Street in St.Petersburg. Now let's check in with Bill for an international public service announcment....
'Tom D, a well-known property owner in the area of Historic Kenwood has been deemed 'missing' according to several accounts. Tom claimed a trip to 'Buffalo' back in November, and is still indeed missing. Upon several attempted contact efforts, there remains nothing known of the man or his location, just a direct voicemail message, in which he never returns phone calls. Renters are getting nervous around these parts and there have been speculations about his disappearance....
' I think his body was taken by aliens and he was turned into a monster in order to take over tapioca pudding factories around the world.'
' I think that he's snowbound up north, resorting to eating small pieces of furniture to survive.'
' I don't know where he is, don't care too much either. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with that large mound in my backyard though. And the mysterious pair of swim trunks that lie on top of it.'
If you see a man that has grey hair, wears a faded grey and blue 'college shirt', and has black swim trunks with purple around the buttocks area driving a red saturn, please contact the local authorities. Back to you, Bob.'
Someone find me something better to do. But seriously, that excessive pruner is going down. The time for action is now.
Good morning, thanks for reading during the 9 o clock news update. The time is 52 past the hour.
In local news, the excessive pruner is out of control! Reporters have been at the scence all this week monitoring this gentleman that is obsessed with trimming branches. On occassion, he has taken down entire panels of bamboo. Let's check in with our reporter now and see what's going on... Jim?
'Well hey there, Bob! What a week it has been! Let me tell you, I feel nothing but pity and remorse in my heart for the residents in the alley along 31st street. What a mess they have been left with. In my research I have found that there are two houses on this street that are obessed with pruning. Yes! Pruning Jim! Garbage is taken out once a week here, and there is never any space in the dumpster because of all the flotsam these household have been putting their dead trimmings in. I have seen the angry neighbors shake their heads as they come down stairs with garbage bags, only to bring them back in and hope for better luck next week. It has really gotten out of hand, the scene here is not pretty.'
You heard it here folks, thanks again Jim. If there are any charitable organizations that wish to help the poor victims of these excessive pruning action, please find it in your hearts to deliver a very large, immobile chipper to the yard of **** 31st Street in St.Petersburg. Now let's check in with Bill for an international public service announcment....
'Tom D, a well-known property owner in the area of Historic Kenwood has been deemed 'missing' according to several accounts. Tom claimed a trip to 'Buffalo' back in November, and is still indeed missing. Upon several attempted contact efforts, there remains nothing known of the man or his location, just a direct voicemail message, in which he never returns phone calls. Renters are getting nervous around these parts and there have been speculations about his disappearance....
' I think his body was taken by aliens and he was turned into a monster in order to take over tapioca pudding factories around the world.'
' I think that he's snowbound up north, resorting to eating small pieces of furniture to survive.'
' I don't know where he is, don't care too much either. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with that large mound in my backyard though. And the mysterious pair of swim trunks that lie on top of it.'
If you see a man that has grey hair, wears a faded grey and blue 'college shirt', and has black swim trunks with purple around the buttocks area driving a red saturn, please contact the local authorities. Back to you, Bob.'
Someone find me something better to do. But seriously, that excessive pruner is going down. The time for action is now.