Lack.
I don't think I've ever felt like this. I am completely out of control. I don't feel like I should have gone to college. At least not yet. I wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready to be where I am. I'm going to have a degree in December. I don't know what to do with it. I don't have any aspirations right now. Everything I try fails. I don't like where I am. I don't know what to do about it, either. More school? Try too many loans. A new location? I don't know where to go, or how that would help. What I really need, is for the world to stop turning for a few weeks. I need to get my thoughts together. But it's not possible.
And then there's the Meghan thing... Whether I told you or not, everyone knows somehow, so yeah, we're seperated. I called that one. It's gonna be good for her, I just need to figure out how I'm supposed to deal with it. Right now, though, what I'm feeling is summed up fairly well by this conversation.
oh great its DAD: delete her number out fo your phone.
oh great its DAD: you know it by heardt, yeah
oh great its DAD: delete it
oh great its DAD: clear your text messages
oh great its DAD: delete her off aim
oh great its DAD: off myspace/facebook
oh great its DAD: whatever.
that shane kid: ive done that before
oh great its DAD: delete her out of your life
that shane kid: it doesnt help a thing
oh great its DAD: at least for now
that shane kid: shes everywhere
oh great its DAD: hang out with dudes
oh great its DAD: shes not fucking here
that shane kid: but i see her in other people
that shane kid: in other girls
that shane kid: in pictures
that shane kid: i see her
that shane kid: shes everything
that shane kid: i could try for a week
that shane kid: and i still wouldn't be rid of every reminder
that shane kid: id still find things
that shane kid: id have to sleep outside
that shane kid: there are memories in this bed, in this room, in this house
that shane kid: on my skin
that shane kid: when i look in the mirror, i see the reflection of myself in her eyes
that shane kid: i am trapped.
I don't know. Comments appreciated but not needed. Do what you will.
And then there's the Meghan thing... Whether I told you or not, everyone knows somehow, so yeah, we're seperated. I called that one. It's gonna be good for her, I just need to figure out how I'm supposed to deal with it. Right now, though, what I'm feeling is summed up fairly well by this conversation.
oh great its DAD: delete her number out fo your phone.
oh great its DAD: you know it by heardt, yeah
oh great its DAD: delete it
oh great its DAD: clear your text messages
oh great its DAD: delete her off aim
oh great its DAD: off myspace/facebook
oh great its DAD: whatever.
that shane kid: ive done that before
oh great its DAD: delete her out of your life
that shane kid: it doesnt help a thing
oh great its DAD: at least for now
that shane kid: shes everywhere
oh great its DAD: hang out with dudes
oh great its DAD: shes not fucking here
that shane kid: but i see her in other people
that shane kid: in other girls
that shane kid: in pictures
that shane kid: i see her
that shane kid: shes everything
that shane kid: i could try for a week
that shane kid: and i still wouldn't be rid of every reminder
that shane kid: id still find things
that shane kid: id have to sleep outside
that shane kid: there are memories in this bed, in this room, in this house
that shane kid: on my skin
that shane kid: when i look in the mirror, i see the reflection of myself in her eyes
that shane kid: i am trapped.
I don't know. Comments appreciated but not needed. Do what you will.