(no subject)
So, uh... I just decided I should do a blog. You know, kind of realease some feelings and stuff. Um... well work is going good. Michaels is pretty cool. I took it for seasonal but if they don't keep me I will be sad because I've met so many cool people. New Years was awesome. Champagne and cigars. Hookah and djs. Fun times. Got to talk to Jacquie for a bit. I like talking to her. It also makes me a bit sad because she's like 3000 miles away and we don't talk much anymore. New years day was pretty fun. Zack and I went to Applebees and played rock band from like 3 to 9. Oh yeah and we watched War, Inc. Awesome movie. Paige came over and depressed me for maybe an hour before just getting up and leaving. Thanks a lot. Not only did I not see you new years but you proceed to come over and make me feel like shit. Not a 100 cups of alcohol would make me feel better about it all. What did I do wrong? Not watch a fucking movie with you. I would rather sit and talk or watch tv. But instead I felt like I was dragged through mud covered sticks for about an hour before leaving me to wonder if I should just crumple up and die. After all I have done it takes one block to knock down the tower. Thanks A FUCKING LOT! I never wanted it to be bittersweet. Who knew it would be like this. Months and months of friendship and love and just one day, a new year, to leave in such a way to make me want to rip my heart out and burn anything that remonds me of anything I have EVER done in my life. Anything. Like I'm no good again. Like I was dropped back into when I was 6 and my dad would tell me I was nothing. You have a problem, just say it. Just say, No Jen I don't feel like comming over. I feel like we need some space. I don't want to hang out. fine, I wouldn't have been offened. But what did happen is to lead me to believe it wasn't just about last night, but about us instead. And that's not fun having ideas like that swimming in your head. You want to end it? FUCKING END IT! Just do it instead of hesitating or thinking about it. Go ahead and lose me. Go ahead.