I'm wasting my time.
I feel so behind, in everything. I can't get settled in any area of my life right now. And to be honest, it's super discouraging. I feel like quitting all the time.
School is going horribleish. I dread Calculus EVERY day. It's so hard. Math has always come so easy for me, but now I really have to work at it, and I was so unprepared. I've gotten 50s and 60s on my last quizzes. I feel like dropping that class. I hate to quit, but I don't forsee it getting any better. Actually, the last two days have sort of given me an ounce of hope. I'm actually understanding stuff, but I'm afraid that's all gonna change soon.
AP US isn't really that hard, but I don't really get excellent grades in there. I pay attention in class, take good notes, and study for the test the night before, and I still manage to pull of a 72. I don't understand. I got a 20/20 on my essay which I was ecstatic about. But for some reason, I feel like Mr. Keel might've just felt bad for me. It took me forever to do that essay, but I still feel like it was crap. And maybe he knew I tried really hard, and gave me a 20/20 out of pity, that's just how I feel.
I miss Select. Really bad. Sure I hated it most days last year, because I was always afraid of getting yelled at for doing something wrong. But I really changed alot over the summer. I got myself ready for select this year. I was gonna go into select with a new outlook, and really go out for stuff, and try alot harder than Faunce thought I ever did. But I never even got the chance. I never even got an explanation. He just took Select off of my schedule. It's really a blow to my self-esteem, and I'm supposed to believe that some of these asshole sophomores are "better than me". They did something that I didn't do to let them get in. First of all, that's complete bullshit, because I worked my ass off in select even though he never thought I did. Sure I wasn't as outgoing as I could've been, but I wasn't the only one. Whatever, it's just annoying. I've never really gotten closure. And ofcourse, that's all anybody talks about lately. Select, Aladdin, Florida. Maybe saying that's all everyone talks about is an exaggeration. But it sure feels like it. I don't expect everybody to stop talking about it just because I got kicked out. It just hurts I guess, more than people probably imagine. But it's always that constant reminder that I'm not good enough.
I hate having no money, but needing so much money. I need new clothes desperately. I'm surviving on two pairs of jeans, and a bunch of band t-shirts or my sisters t-shirts that she left home. It's kinda sad. All my other clothes are either too big on me, or I've decided that I hate how they look on me. I can't wait for Christmas. Or to get my license. Or a job.
Me and my mom started this diet thing. Not really a diet, more of like a long-term thing. And she's lost 20 pounds and it's only been like 3 or 4 weeks, and I've lost 5 pounds. And somedays it wavers. It sucks. It's so unfairrr, gah.
I miss summer so much. I'm so carefree during the summer. School makes me mean. I hate it. :( I don't do it on purpose, I just get so stressed, and people I LOVE, I suddenly hate. Well not really, but they probably think that, by the way I treat them. But I really do love you guys, seriously. But anyways, summmerrrrr. I need it so much. I just need a break. I need to get away.
School is going horribleish. I dread Calculus EVERY day. It's so hard. Math has always come so easy for me, but now I really have to work at it, and I was so unprepared. I've gotten 50s and 60s on my last quizzes. I feel like dropping that class. I hate to quit, but I don't forsee it getting any better. Actually, the last two days have sort of given me an ounce of hope. I'm actually understanding stuff, but I'm afraid that's all gonna change soon.
AP US isn't really that hard, but I don't really get excellent grades in there. I pay attention in class, take good notes, and study for the test the night before, and I still manage to pull of a 72. I don't understand. I got a 20/20 on my essay which I was ecstatic about. But for some reason, I feel like Mr. Keel might've just felt bad for me. It took me forever to do that essay, but I still feel like it was crap. And maybe he knew I tried really hard, and gave me a 20/20 out of pity, that's just how I feel.
I miss Select. Really bad. Sure I hated it most days last year, because I was always afraid of getting yelled at for doing something wrong. But I really changed alot over the summer. I got myself ready for select this year. I was gonna go into select with a new outlook, and really go out for stuff, and try alot harder than Faunce thought I ever did. But I never even got the chance. I never even got an explanation. He just took Select off of my schedule. It's really a blow to my self-esteem, and I'm supposed to believe that some of these asshole sophomores are "better than me". They did something that I didn't do to let them get in. First of all, that's complete bullshit, because I worked my ass off in select even though he never thought I did. Sure I wasn't as outgoing as I could've been, but I wasn't the only one. Whatever, it's just annoying. I've never really gotten closure. And ofcourse, that's all anybody talks about lately. Select, Aladdin, Florida. Maybe saying that's all everyone talks about is an exaggeration. But it sure feels like it. I don't expect everybody to stop talking about it just because I got kicked out. It just hurts I guess, more than people probably imagine. But it's always that constant reminder that I'm not good enough.
I hate having no money, but needing so much money. I need new clothes desperately. I'm surviving on two pairs of jeans, and a bunch of band t-shirts or my sisters t-shirts that she left home. It's kinda sad. All my other clothes are either too big on me, or I've decided that I hate how they look on me. I can't wait for Christmas. Or to get my license. Or a job.
Me and my mom started this diet thing. Not really a diet, more of like a long-term thing. And she's lost 20 pounds and it's only been like 3 or 4 weeks, and I've lost 5 pounds. And somedays it wavers. It sucks. It's so unfairrr, gah.
I miss summer so much. I'm so carefree during the summer. School makes me mean. I hate it. :( I don't do it on purpose, I just get so stressed, and people I LOVE, I suddenly hate. Well not really, but they probably think that, by the way I treat them. But I really do love you guys, seriously. But anyways, summmerrrrr. I need it so much. I just need a break. I need to get away.