You
You. From the beginning you put me in a position that showed me your total disregard of other peoples feelings. Not three weeks after we met, you disclosed to me information that you shouldn't have.
I remember when I first talked to you, properly, was at dinner. I asked if the other girls seemed to be being hostile toward me and you said you'd keep an eye on it. I was grateful for that. That I had someone who seemed to accept me for who I am. Then we started hanging out together and it seemed we were inseperable. We were. I didn't have any other friends; why should I when I had you? You were constantly at my side. And then it went wrong.
I can't tell you precisly when it went wrong and at what point in our friendship but it went terribly, terribly wrong. You asked me to keep a secret for you. One that should not be kept and you should not have asked me to keep. That was the point when I realised that we barely knew eachother. I didn't even know what your parents did for a living. I kept the secret though. I kept it under lock and key and never told a soul. You accepted this as the norm. That you had told a virtual stranger such a thing and expected it not to affect them. Who did you think I was? Superwoman? You expected me to just grin and bare it. Understand how it would destroy you if the secret was told. You didn't even tell me whether I was the only one to know or not.
Then you started getting ill. It started off as standard illnesses and then morphed into the illness of the mind. You started to see a counciller, after much protesting. You spent more time in the medical centre than some of the nurses, I'm sure. Then it got scary. Your secret somehow got out and all the adults started finding out. You kept having 'accidents' that would end in a bruise on your head. They weren't accidents though. Not the kind you made them out to be. They were a result of you landing on the corner of the bed because you took too many pills. Then you had the audicity to say that I told your secret. I never did. I was loyal to you! The phone conversation that caused the girl in the room next to me to come in and see what the matter was, the talk I had with the matriarch that showed just how much you had disclosed to me. Never once did I do anything but respect your wishes for the secret to remain just that. A secret.
You left. You left me and expected me to pick up the pieces. I was told to lie when I was asked why you away, say that I knew you were ill but that I didn't know anymore. I doubt anyone bought it but that's what I was instructed to say. They came close you know? When they were guessing what was wrong. That wasn't the worst of it. Oh no. The constant questions were almost barable compared with the lonliness. You had been my only friend and you LEFT! You were selfish. You left me behind with no one and expected me to cover your sorry arse while you were being treated for depression.
Months passed and when you returned I was having troubles of my own. I had iscolated myself and reverted to my own little world of fantasy. You barely spoke to me while you were gone or when you returned. After all you put me through you still didn't give me the time of day! When you started trying to talk to me it was already too late. You knew nothing of me. I wasn't the same person you had left high and dry. I was sinking into my own pit of self-pity and I was getting dangerous. And you were blissfully ignorant. You didn't even notice that I'd spend my days curled up on the sofa with sadness in everything I did.
Now you give me judgmental looks and argue with me at any point you can. Now you continue with your 'oh-woe-me' attitude still oblivious to what I'm going through. You make everything a competition between the two of us and you don't seem to understand that not only are you annoying me but I don't back down. You constantly point out my wrongs or complain about my actions but at least I'm not like you.
At least I'm not a narcissit. At least I didn't try to off myself and become so detached from someone I considered a friend to keep my secrets and bare my woes when I wouldn't do the same for them.
You know nothing about me.
And that's why I have so much contempt toward you.
***********************
This was inspired by true events. I needed a release.
I remember when I first talked to you, properly, was at dinner. I asked if the other girls seemed to be being hostile toward me and you said you'd keep an eye on it. I was grateful for that. That I had someone who seemed to accept me for who I am. Then we started hanging out together and it seemed we were inseperable. We were. I didn't have any other friends; why should I when I had you? You were constantly at my side. And then it went wrong.
I can't tell you precisly when it went wrong and at what point in our friendship but it went terribly, terribly wrong. You asked me to keep a secret for you. One that should not be kept and you should not have asked me to keep. That was the point when I realised that we barely knew eachother. I didn't even know what your parents did for a living. I kept the secret though. I kept it under lock and key and never told a soul. You accepted this as the norm. That you had told a virtual stranger such a thing and expected it not to affect them. Who did you think I was? Superwoman? You expected me to just grin and bare it. Understand how it would destroy you if the secret was told. You didn't even tell me whether I was the only one to know or not.
Then you started getting ill. It started off as standard illnesses and then morphed into the illness of the mind. You started to see a counciller, after much protesting. You spent more time in the medical centre than some of the nurses, I'm sure. Then it got scary. Your secret somehow got out and all the adults started finding out. You kept having 'accidents' that would end in a bruise on your head. They weren't accidents though. Not the kind you made them out to be. They were a result of you landing on the corner of the bed because you took too many pills. Then you had the audicity to say that I told your secret. I never did. I was loyal to you! The phone conversation that caused the girl in the room next to me to come in and see what the matter was, the talk I had with the matriarch that showed just how much you had disclosed to me. Never once did I do anything but respect your wishes for the secret to remain just that. A secret.
You left. You left me and expected me to pick up the pieces. I was told to lie when I was asked why you away, say that I knew you were ill but that I didn't know anymore. I doubt anyone bought it but that's what I was instructed to say. They came close you know? When they were guessing what was wrong. That wasn't the worst of it. Oh no. The constant questions were almost barable compared with the lonliness. You had been my only friend and you LEFT! You were selfish. You left me behind with no one and expected me to cover your sorry arse while you were being treated for depression.
Months passed and when you returned I was having troubles of my own. I had iscolated myself and reverted to my own little world of fantasy. You barely spoke to me while you were gone or when you returned. After all you put me through you still didn't give me the time of day! When you started trying to talk to me it was already too late. You knew nothing of me. I wasn't the same person you had left high and dry. I was sinking into my own pit of self-pity and I was getting dangerous. And you were blissfully ignorant. You didn't even notice that I'd spend my days curled up on the sofa with sadness in everything I did.
Now you give me judgmental looks and argue with me at any point you can. Now you continue with your 'oh-woe-me' attitude still oblivious to what I'm going through. You make everything a competition between the two of us and you don't seem to understand that not only are you annoying me but I don't back down. You constantly point out my wrongs or complain about my actions but at least I'm not like you.
At least I'm not a narcissit. At least I didn't try to off myself and become so detached from someone I considered a friend to keep my secrets and bare my woes when I wouldn't do the same for them.
You know nothing about me.
And that's why I have so much contempt toward you.
***********************
This was inspired by true events. I needed a release.