(no subject)
I went to the North County mall today and picked out some hott summer items. My mom bought me the hottest fuckin dress today! My boobs look huge, my stomache small, and I look fuckin tan!!! She bought it for me because next wednesday I'm going home to the bay area to graduate. Technically I already graduated in December (a semester early) but I'm going back for the graduation ceremony. I have so many mixed feelings/emotions right now about this. I'm anxious, happy, and excited that I get to see my close friends, I'm sad that it will be the last time we are altogether, and then there's some people that I just really don't want to see. I lived there my entire life and I have soo many memories both bad and good-- it's just going to be really weird going back there and seeing everyone after not being there for so long. The very first and only person that I've ever really loved is going to be there. I haven't seen her in about a year now. When I left for socal we were on bad terms and I still haven't gotten over that. My mom just went up there last week and saw Patti (the girl) and apparently she ran up and hugged my mom and told her to tell me HI, as well as asking several questions about me. I keep replaying all of the possible scenerios in my head. I can just see her running to me and telling me that she still loves me and misses me... I know that she does deep down inside. And in all honesty, I kind of miss her too. But then I would just tell her that I've found someone else who makes me happy and that I care alot for. But just thinkin about Patti stirs up all these emotions deep inside, ones that I'd like to forget about and move on. My abusive ex will be there as well. This is one physco muthafuka and I am defintely not looking forward to seeing him! My homegirl Phaedra's 20th Bday will be on the 3rd so I get to party like a fuckin rockstar with her! Thats my bitch! And I get to see my bestest friend ever, Kristy, who was like my first girl-on-girl sexxx whom I owe my gratitude for opening my mind and helping me come to the conclusion that i love women and they are waaaaaaaay better in bed! Thinking of her sexually now just kind of grosses me out... she's like the sister I never had! But anyway... i'm nervous, happy, and everything else in between. I don't even know what to expect. Anything can fuckin happen (but of course Ill be 100% faithful to my baby). This is freaking me out now... gawdd...maybe Im just overanalyzing...