You probably won't read this but I'm going to post anyway...
I'm fucked up but I'm writting in my journal anyway so that I can get all of my thoughts out and clear my mind. Besides, It's fun looking back (when you are sober) at the things you did/wrote when you were not-so-sober. So I have a couple more weeks before I need to get my shit together for fall semester. I'll be going to Mira Costa instead of Palomar this semester because Palomar doesn't offer the program that I need. Mira Costa is much farther from my house which means I'll have to be getting up even earlier in order to fight the ridiculous morning traffic. I swear I HATE driving. Seriously. Most people like to drive, they enjoy the freedom or whatever feeling they get but I wish that I never had to drive again in my life. I'll do it because I have to and because I like to be out and about. Is there such thing as a driving phobia? I remember when I first got my liscence I would offer to go to the grocery store for my parents just so that I could drive. That was before 4 speeding tickets in a row, 2 accidents, hitting a motorcyclist, expensive gas (well it was expensive then too), outrageous car insurance prices because of these incidents, court dates and lawyers and lots of traffic school. DAMN IT... I miss being a kid! I miss the times where I didn't ever have to worry about any of these things. The times when I could act recklessly and get away with it-- I didn't have to be a 'responsible adult'. Now, if I fuck up its on me. And when I was a kid I couldn't wait to be an adult. I COUNTED the days till my 18th birthday. Of course I have much more freedom now but I wasn't expecting all this responsibility to come along with it. And then there's all the pressure from the norm of society to "get married and have kids"... well what if I don't want to?! "Get a career"... I'm working on it! IT's HARD! Fuck man.