(no subject)
I have a feeling that I'm changing, but I don't know why or how.
Well, I have somewhat of a better idea of why, exactly- this whole summer Student Orientation Counselor thing that I'm doing for my school has demanded a lot of me this far- in pretty much every way possible.
I'm physcially exhausted right now, but I can't turn off my brain. I feel like I'm fighting an inner battle against my own apathy and selfishness, and I'm not even sure if I want to win. I'm not even sure what "winning" is, in this case.
The questionable nature of all of this new-found spiritual conflict is also bothering me. I don't want to delude myself- if that's even how I really feel any more. I'm just tired of fighting. I'm not even sure if its real, or if its something born out of convenience or necessity.
I need something more to sustain me, and I need to stop looking in the wrong places for answers. I'm just so unsure as to where to start that I'm already convincing myself that it's too hard, or that its not real. I'm psyching myself out before even giving myself the chance to respond...
I want to shut it all out and yet be an open book.
I'm just... frustrated.
Don't mind me.
How many times must I sit here and tell you goodbye
How many times must I sit all alone and cry
How many times must I ask mercy on me
How many times must I beg to be free
Well Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Well Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Well Im looking for answers from above not from below
How many times must I learn to live
How many times must I learn to love to give
How many times must I get down on my knees to pray
How many times must I pray for you to stay
Well Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Well Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Well Im looking for answers from above not from below
Lord I love you in so many ways
Lord I love you each and every day
Now is the time when I must ask you why
Why must we live and why must we die
Well Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Said Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Well Im looking for answers from above not from below
xoxo
Well, I have somewhat of a better idea of why, exactly- this whole summer Student Orientation Counselor thing that I'm doing for my school has demanded a lot of me this far- in pretty much every way possible.
I'm physcially exhausted right now, but I can't turn off my brain. I feel like I'm fighting an inner battle against my own apathy and selfishness, and I'm not even sure if I want to win. I'm not even sure what "winning" is, in this case.
The questionable nature of all of this new-found spiritual conflict is also bothering me. I don't want to delude myself- if that's even how I really feel any more. I'm just tired of fighting. I'm not even sure if its real, or if its something born out of convenience or necessity.
I need something more to sustain me, and I need to stop looking in the wrong places for answers. I'm just so unsure as to where to start that I'm already convincing myself that it's too hard, or that its not real. I'm psyching myself out before even giving myself the chance to respond...
I want to shut it all out and yet be an open book.
I'm just... frustrated.
Don't mind me.
How many times must I sit here and tell you goodbye
How many times must I sit all alone and cry
How many times must I ask mercy on me
How many times must I beg to be free
Well Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Well Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Well Im looking for answers from above not from below
How many times must I learn to live
How many times must I learn to love to give
How many times must I get down on my knees to pray
How many times must I pray for you to stay
Well Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Well Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Well Im looking for answers from above not from below
Lord I love you in so many ways
Lord I love you each and every day
Now is the time when I must ask you why
Why must we live and why must we die
Well Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Said Im looking for answers
Looking for answers and nobody knows
Well Im looking for answers from above not from below
xoxo