wherein Spike is a bunny-rabbit. no, really.
let me tell you all the reasons I cannot be blamed for this post. it all started with a post that entrenous88 made about a bunny named William (no really). and my brain is cracktastic, it is well known, so I immediately wrote this cracktastic thing, because everyone makes Spike into a cat, and why can't he be a bunny *facepalm* but I hid it on my hard drive, because it was too cracktastic to be shared. until I was about to chuck it out, and denied_heaven and nyghtpet made me post it.
I dunno about this one, but they were amused, and it has its cuteness. without further ado...
“WILLOW! What did you do?”
They all crowded around the Rubbermaid container, staring blankly at its contents.
Spike peered up at them, nose twitching. His ears were long and silky.
“Please tell me you can put him back.”
“Um. Well, see, the thing is-”
“On second thought, he’s a hell of a lot quieter this way. It’s kinda nice, with the lack of ‘bloody hell’ and ‘you stupid poofter.’ Although, the human version did smell better.”
Was it possible for a bunny to glare? Xander could swear he heard several inventive English curses radiating out from little bunny body language. Spike hopped into the corner of his makeshift home and turned his nose sulkily into the corner, back hunched against the criticism.
“I guess a bunny can’t make with the Buffy-lusting. Well, in theory he could, but at least now I wouldn’t be tempted to….” Everyone stared at Buffy. Buffy cleared her throat. “Well, he’s sex…fluffy! And he has a sweet little tail.”
Bunny!Spike took a sudden interest in the proceedings, stretching up to place his paws on the lip of the container and nudging his nose into the Slayer’s crotch. So much for the theory on bunny-lusting. Spike’s perving was intact and healthy.
“Well.” Giles cleared his throat and scrubbed at his glasses, as Giles was wont to do when a bunny was making the moves on his slayer. “Even so, this is a serious problem. As Buffy has pointed out, Spike is the only one of us capable of protecting Dawn, and as it stands….”
“The most he could do is shake his fluffy rear-end at her?”
“Yes thank you, Xander, for that disturbing image. Now if we could just-”
The front door slammed and Dawn joined them When she caught sight of Spike, she squealed. “He’s so CUTE! OMG, can we keep him? Where’d he come from?”
Dawn reached in and petted his downy white-blond head. Spike preened at the attention, scrubbing his little bunny paws over his head, wiping at his face.
“That’s Spike.”
“You’re kidding!” When she cooed at him, he took two bunny hops towards her and she scooped him up. Buffy was suspicious of the way Spike snuggled against Dawn’s breast while casting sly little looks her direction, but she didn’t want to sound like an idiot again.
“Ok, well…I mean, I guess we should get cracking on the research.”
“Can I take him upstairs? I mean, it’s not like you need him in front of you, and you and mom never let me have a rabbit.”
“Cry me a river,” Buffy retorted. “Yeah, fine, knock yourself out. Just don’t-!” She added as Dawn started bounding up the stairs. “Don’t…take any of your clothes off, or anything.”
She got defensive when she was met with odd looks all around. “What! She could forget!”
“Check. No flashing the furball.”
Buffy was almost positive she saw a flash of smug bunny vamp-face as Spike peeked over Dawn’s shoulder.
She didn’t trust that bunny.
A/N: I wanted to fit a Bunnicula joke in here, but it just wasn't happening.
I dunno about this one, but they were amused, and it has its cuteness. without further ado...
“WILLOW! What did you do?”
They all crowded around the Rubbermaid container, staring blankly at its contents.
Spike peered up at them, nose twitching. His ears were long and silky.
“Please tell me you can put him back.”
“Um. Well, see, the thing is-”
“On second thought, he’s a hell of a lot quieter this way. It’s kinda nice, with the lack of ‘bloody hell’ and ‘you stupid poofter.’ Although, the human version did smell better.”
Was it possible for a bunny to glare? Xander could swear he heard several inventive English curses radiating out from little bunny body language. Spike hopped into the corner of his makeshift home and turned his nose sulkily into the corner, back hunched against the criticism.
“I guess a bunny can’t make with the Buffy-lusting. Well, in theory he could, but at least now I wouldn’t be tempted to….” Everyone stared at Buffy. Buffy cleared her throat. “Well, he’s sex…fluffy! And he has a sweet little tail.”
Bunny!Spike took a sudden interest in the proceedings, stretching up to place his paws on the lip of the container and nudging his nose into the Slayer’s crotch. So much for the theory on bunny-lusting. Spike’s perving was intact and healthy.
“Well.” Giles cleared his throat and scrubbed at his glasses, as Giles was wont to do when a bunny was making the moves on his slayer. “Even so, this is a serious problem. As Buffy has pointed out, Spike is the only one of us capable of protecting Dawn, and as it stands….”
“The most he could do is shake his fluffy rear-end at her?”
“Yes thank you, Xander, for that disturbing image. Now if we could just-”
The front door slammed and Dawn joined them When she caught sight of Spike, she squealed. “He’s so CUTE! OMG, can we keep him? Where’d he come from?”
Dawn reached in and petted his downy white-blond head. Spike preened at the attention, scrubbing his little bunny paws over his head, wiping at his face.
“That’s Spike.”
“You’re kidding!” When she cooed at him, he took two bunny hops towards her and she scooped him up. Buffy was suspicious of the way Spike snuggled against Dawn’s breast while casting sly little looks her direction, but she didn’t want to sound like an idiot again.
“Ok, well…I mean, I guess we should get cracking on the research.”
“Can I take him upstairs? I mean, it’s not like you need him in front of you, and you and mom never let me have a rabbit.”
“Cry me a river,” Buffy retorted. “Yeah, fine, knock yourself out. Just don’t-!” She added as Dawn started bounding up the stairs. “Don’t…take any of your clothes off, or anything.”
She got defensive when she was met with odd looks all around. “What! She could forget!”
“Check. No flashing the furball.”
Buffy was almost positive she saw a flash of smug bunny vamp-face as Spike peeked over Dawn’s shoulder.
She didn’t trust that bunny.
A/N: I wanted to fit a Bunnicula joke in here, but it just wasn't happening.