push you out [Jeff/Jensen AU]
in my mind, this dovetails into the same 'verse as hide beside me, which I wrote in April last year. but for all intensive purposes, anyone living outside my head probably can't tell. since I posted that fic, I'd gone back and re-written it (like an amped-up polishing...not much content changed, but it read a lot smoother), and then got 3/4 of the way through a prequel, and 1/4 of the way through a sequel. then my Dell died. I'd never backed up that file. *facepalm* one of these days I'll scrape together the cash to get it up and running again, but for now, this can be read as a standalone.
mostly, it's my effort to get back on the horse. I keep writing snippets of things and then convincing myself they're too crappy for daylight. I'm hoping that if I force myself to write something and hit 'post' right after, I can slog my way out of like...8 months of writer's block and anxiety about subjecting anyone but meretrix to my bullshit.
Title: Push You Out
Author: Mel (thatotherperv)
Pairing: Jeff/Jensen, implied Chris/Jensen
Length: 850 words
it's angst, mostly. hahahaha. AU, see the note above.
Six years.
This is all Jeff's fault, really. He knows better than to let Jen in the kitchen, and now his favorite cookware is caked with some burnt, baked-on paste...better suited to life as an adhesive than something edible. Kid's so talented, he could burn water. Jeff's mouth twists into something like a smile as he gives up on salvaging the skillet and lets it slide back under the layer of foam with a muted splash.
It doesn't matter. None of the tension in his shoulders can be blamed on dirty dishes.
He swivels the faucet off, and Jensen's laughter fills the vaccuum.
Jeff braces himself against the counter for one breath, two. Out the kitchen window he can see Jensen in the dimming sun, lit up from the inside. Rocked back in his patio chair and grinning at the cell phone. Jeff blocks out the words and focuses on the unspoken thing. Six years, and a kernel of hero worship still shines in Jen's voice whenever he gets a call. Brighter now. So bright, lately.
Jeff knows he's always been stand-in for one Christian Kane. Never minded all that much. Six years, and he knows Jen loves him.
That just doesn't count as much as he wishes, is all. The boy's too young. Six years. He's been expecting this for quite a while.
It's not til a pair of hands fall solid on his shoulders that he registers being back at the pan. Scrubbing fast and hard like it'll do a damn bit of good.
"Man, I fucked that up good." Jensen's still relaxed, amused, but there's a shadow in his voice now that it's aimed at Jeff. Strong thumbs dig into the knots in his neck and Jeff groans. "I coulda sworn I had the timer set. You'd think I would learn."
Jeff drops the thing nervelessly when Jensen hits a sweet spot, leans into the counter as he goes for deeper tissue. "Fuck. Burn whatever you want, just keep doing that."
Jensen's reflection smiles softly in the window. "I keep burning shit, you're apparently gonna need more talented hands than mine."
Jeff hums, on the verge of correcting him. But it's easier if he thinks a ruined skillet's the reason. The other thing, he should just let be. But he can't. Because he's such a fucking masochist.
"How's Chris?"
Jen's mouth quirks wider in the window. Something fond and secret. "He's...Chris. Never gonna settle down. They're expanding the tour."
Jeff can't think what to say to that for a couple minutes. He watches Jen think about Chris, eyes focused on Jeff's tense back. Watches the smile fade, and Jeff's been here often enough. Been in other moments, just like this one. Jensen's eyes are shadowed and uncertain when they meet him in the mirror. He sort of smiles at Jeff, to soften the blow.
"He wants me to go with them."
Jeff holds himself very still. He has to swallow before he speaks, tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. "And you said...?"
Jensen's brow quirks and he laughs the way he smiled. Nervous and unamused. "I said he was nuts, what else?"
"Why is that nuts?" Jeff asks. He sounds like a reasonable human being....
Jensen stares. "Because I'm not...leaving...." Jeff's throat catches. "I'm not leaving LA just to chase his dumb ass all over the map. It's... There's.... Work. And you."
The acid climbing up from Jeff's stomach settles, but he can't help pushing. "You're not working now. No reason you can't."
"I'm not working," Jensen says, up a half-octave. "I should be looking for work. And-"
"Work'll be here in a few months. So will I. We can get along without you." The fuck is wrong with you, Morgan. "For a while."
Jensen's frowning, but Jeff can see him softening to the idea. There's no good reason he's pushing this, except he knows what Jen really wants. He pushes off the counter and turns to face him.
"Go. Only so long you can get away with living like a rock star."
He pushes his own shit aside and smiles, because it's true. Jen's so young. No good reason he should be so settled down. He lies with his whole face while Jensen tries to decide if it's really ok. Must be a better actor than he thought, because Jensen relaxes a little. His brow smooths out and he smiles. "You think? It just seems so...it's a crazy thing to do. It's so...fucking...Chris. I don't do that shit."
Jeff softens for real, amused how seriously Jen takes himself. "That's why he's good for you. He'll keep you young."
He turns away to pull the plug. Skillet's a goner, and he might as well drain the sink. And it just got harder to look at Jensen, somehow.
"Well come with us, then." Jensen says it like he's teasing, but it's a little too strained. "If Chris is that good, he could turn back the clock on you."
The way Jeff's mouth pulls tight doesn't feel like a smile. "Kiddo, I think we both know better than that."
mostly, it's my effort to get back on the horse. I keep writing snippets of things and then convincing myself they're too crappy for daylight. I'm hoping that if I force myself to write something and hit 'post' right after, I can slog my way out of like...8 months of writer's block and anxiety about subjecting anyone but meretrix to my bullshit.
Title: Push You Out
Author: Mel (thatotherperv)
Pairing: Jeff/Jensen, implied Chris/Jensen
Length: 850 words
it's angst, mostly. hahahaha. AU, see the note above.
Six years.
This is all Jeff's fault, really. He knows better than to let Jen in the kitchen, and now his favorite cookware is caked with some burnt, baked-on paste...better suited to life as an adhesive than something edible. Kid's so talented, he could burn water. Jeff's mouth twists into something like a smile as he gives up on salvaging the skillet and lets it slide back under the layer of foam with a muted splash.
It doesn't matter. None of the tension in his shoulders can be blamed on dirty dishes.
He swivels the faucet off, and Jensen's laughter fills the vaccuum.
Jeff braces himself against the counter for one breath, two. Out the kitchen window he can see Jensen in the dimming sun, lit up from the inside. Rocked back in his patio chair and grinning at the cell phone. Jeff blocks out the words and focuses on the unspoken thing. Six years, and a kernel of hero worship still shines in Jen's voice whenever he gets a call. Brighter now. So bright, lately.
Jeff knows he's always been stand-in for one Christian Kane. Never minded all that much. Six years, and he knows Jen loves him.
That just doesn't count as much as he wishes, is all. The boy's too young. Six years. He's been expecting this for quite a while.
It's not til a pair of hands fall solid on his shoulders that he registers being back at the pan. Scrubbing fast and hard like it'll do a damn bit of good.
"Man, I fucked that up good." Jensen's still relaxed, amused, but there's a shadow in his voice now that it's aimed at Jeff. Strong thumbs dig into the knots in his neck and Jeff groans. "I coulda sworn I had the timer set. You'd think I would learn."
Jeff drops the thing nervelessly when Jensen hits a sweet spot, leans into the counter as he goes for deeper tissue. "Fuck. Burn whatever you want, just keep doing that."
Jensen's reflection smiles softly in the window. "I keep burning shit, you're apparently gonna need more talented hands than mine."
Jeff hums, on the verge of correcting him. But it's easier if he thinks a ruined skillet's the reason. The other thing, he should just let be. But he can't. Because he's such a fucking masochist.
"How's Chris?"
Jen's mouth quirks wider in the window. Something fond and secret. "He's...Chris. Never gonna settle down. They're expanding the tour."
Jeff can't think what to say to that for a couple minutes. He watches Jen think about Chris, eyes focused on Jeff's tense back. Watches the smile fade, and Jeff's been here often enough. Been in other moments, just like this one. Jensen's eyes are shadowed and uncertain when they meet him in the mirror. He sort of smiles at Jeff, to soften the blow.
"He wants me to go with them."
Jeff holds himself very still. He has to swallow before he speaks, tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. "And you said...?"
Jensen's brow quirks and he laughs the way he smiled. Nervous and unamused. "I said he was nuts, what else?"
"Why is that nuts?" Jeff asks. He sounds like a reasonable human being....
Jensen stares. "Because I'm not...leaving...." Jeff's throat catches. "I'm not leaving LA just to chase his dumb ass all over the map. It's... There's.... Work. And you."
The acid climbing up from Jeff's stomach settles, but he can't help pushing. "You're not working now. No reason you can't."
"I'm not working," Jensen says, up a half-octave. "I should be looking for work. And-"
"Work'll be here in a few months. So will I. We can get along without you." The fuck is wrong with you, Morgan. "For a while."
Jensen's frowning, but Jeff can see him softening to the idea. There's no good reason he's pushing this, except he knows what Jen really wants. He pushes off the counter and turns to face him.
"Go. Only so long you can get away with living like a rock star."
He pushes his own shit aside and smiles, because it's true. Jen's so young. No good reason he should be so settled down. He lies with his whole face while Jensen tries to decide if it's really ok. Must be a better actor than he thought, because Jensen relaxes a little. His brow smooths out and he smiles. "You think? It just seems so...it's a crazy thing to do. It's so...fucking...Chris. I don't do that shit."
Jeff softens for real, amused how seriously Jen takes himself. "That's why he's good for you. He'll keep you young."
He turns away to pull the plug. Skillet's a goner, and he might as well drain the sink. And it just got harder to look at Jensen, somehow.
"Well come with us, then." Jensen says it like he's teasing, but it's a little too strained. "If Chris is that good, he could turn back the clock on you."
The way Jeff's mouth pulls tight doesn't feel like a smile. "Kiddo, I think we both know better than that."