(no subject)
Ahahaha? Hey guys... just wrote some fic I wanted to share... I'm mostly posting this here to keep it somewhere I can access it easily??? IDK.
Title: Moirallegiance
Fandom: Homestuck
Rating: PG, for some cursing.
Pairings: John♦Dave, Dave♠Karkat, Dave♥Sollux, a little bit of Karkat♦Gamzee
Warnings: Cursing, species!swap.
Summary: Troll!John finds troll!Dave to be pretty pitiable.
--
Every time John thought he was used to being a troll, something new popped up that he had to freak out about all over again (what if it wasn’t normal and he would get culled for it?) until Karkat explained it to him using a lot of curse words and hyperbolic expressions. The new discoveries were getting less and less as time wore on, but after all the panicking about biological functions (“how am i supposed to go to the bathroom!” “I AM NOT HELPING YOU USE THE LOAD GAPER, EGBERT.”) he was starting to find out things about his emotions. Like he was slowly getting rid of human emotions and taking on troll ones.
He had first noticed it when Karkat had called him a ‘pitiable fuckhead’ and John had been so embarrassed and a little unsettled that Karkat was thinking of him in that way that Karkat had to add that he was pitiable in a platonic way. That hadn’t eased John’s nerves, but then Dave had entered the room and the way he’d asked Karkat what the hell dried grubs were doing in the cabinet (they were for snacking on apparently) had made John’s troll heart do a pathetic little flip in his chest.
The thing was that he didn’t exactly have a crush on Dave. Not in human terms. John was the only person Dave trusted enough to show a little emotion around and since they were living together in a hive (which apparently was not a common thing on Alternia) John got to see Dave’s pitiable side a lot. As it turns out, he was actually easily stressed out by things that should have been day to day routine for a normal troll, but while they were so similar to their Earth routines, they were just different enough to feel like you were doing something wrong. There were too many little differences that were so much more unsettling than the big differences, like the way the cold and hot taps were switched, the way doorknobs worked, the height of the ceiling. Sleeping in what was basically a bowl of neon green goo had been easy to adjust compared to having to deal with the the fact that the numbers on the keyboard were reversed.
So John found himself having to pat Dave’s shoulder while he went on a rant about how he missed fucking apple juice of all things and then one day it just clicked; he pitied Dave. He wanted to protect Dave. And as a human, that was something that wouldn’t have been a big deal, maybe even made him a little annoyed at Dave. As a troll, it made John want to hug the shit out of him.
So of course, he’d freaked out and immediately had wanted to go to Karkat for advice. Karkat was supposed to be the troll romance master, right? So obviously he would be able to solve John’s problems. But he was also a little terrified to bring up what felt like a really sensitive subject to him.
“So, uh, the pity thing trolls do,” John tried to bring up casually one day while hanging out at Karkat’s hive.
“Holy shit, who is it your flushed for?” Karkat growled, not looking away from his computer. “Wait, wait, before you say anything, let me give you a tip: don’t fucking act on it. You don’t understand pity enough to be a suitable matesprit for a fucking rock, let alone an actual troll.”
“I’m not flushed for anyone!” John protested quickly. At least, he didn’t think he was flushed for Dave. Didn’t being flushed mean wanting to kiss the other person, not just pat them on the back and shoosh them and make them feel better? What the hell was this, anyway? “I’m just curious. I can’t always remember how quadrants work and since I am actually having the right feelings to fill them, I figure maybe I should at least try to understand them.”
“So you pity someone,” Karkat said, finally turning in his chair to face John. “Well, let’s see. There’s me, which isn’t likely, or else you wouldn’t be coming to me for fucking advice. There’s Sollux, but let’s face it. You hardly talk to him, let alone enough to actually pity the pathetic fuck. Trust me, there is a lot to pity there. The only other troll you see would be... Strider.”
John looked down, his cheeks tinting blue in embarrassment. Wow, Karkat had figured that out fast. Was he really that transparent?
“Ugh, of course it’s Strider,” Karkat let out a huge sigh. “I don’t see what’s so pitiable about him. He’s just a huge asshole all the time, bugging me about the stupidest shit- did you know he actually asked me how to open the fucking fridge the other day? Seriously, what the fuck? Is his thinkpan so small that he actually does not know the basics of being fucking alive-”
“Karkat,” John interrupted the tirade, because he could see where it was going. Karkat had a tendency to get really worked up about Dave and Dave was pretty similar. John was getting a little sick of it. He didn’t want his best friends hating each other! Oh, shit, wait, hate was romance on this stupid planet, wasn’t it?
“What? Fuck. Pretend I didn’t say any of that. So why are you coming to me with your stupid romance problems?” Karkat asked, turning back to his computer.
John shrugged and pulled his legs up to his chest. He wasn’t wearing shoes and he could see his clawed toes. He wiggled them, still a bit weirded out that they belonged to him.
“I’m not interested in romance with him,” John explained carefully. “Like, I don’t want to kiss him or anything.”
“Kissing is typically only between matesprits and kismeses, but there are two quadrants based on pity, fucknuts,” Karkat answered, surprisingly patient despite his rude language. Wow, he really did like talking about this romance stuff. “If you aren’t flushed for him but still pity him, then you’re pale for him. You want him as a moirail. It’s not a big deal.”
“So all quadrants are romance?” John asked, rubbing his chin on his knee thoughtfully.
“Wow, you must be about ten times stupider than you look, Egbert, and that is a huge accomplishment, trust me,” Karkat said. John could practically hear him rolling his eyes. “That’s the point of the quadrants! They are all romance. If you aren’t romantically interested in someone, they don’t go in a quadrant. It’s really that simple and I can’t believe you can’t wrap your minuscule thinkpan around such a simple concept.”
John frowned. Karkat had a point; he couldn’t really wrap his head around the concept of not wanting to kiss someone and still wanting to be romantically involved with them. “So you think I am...interested in Dave. Romantically,” he said slowly.
“Platonic pity is a thing, you know,” Karkat said. “But I have a feeling that you wouldn’t have come to me if that was the problem. I’m not really interested in helping Strider fill any of his quadrants because he’s nothing but a slimy nookstain, but I guess,” he sighed hugely, like it was just so painful for him to admit, “I would say you probably have a pale crush on him. Maybe you could be an okay moirail for Strider since he’s not a proper troll, because, like I said, you have the absolute worst understanding of pity...”
John stopped paying attention as Karkat went on another long rant about what an awful troll John was, and stopped grinding his chin into his knee. He sat up a bit straighter, his thoughts sorting themselves out. A pale crush? Somehow, through all the confusion that squares seemed to be the cause of, that made a lot of sense. He closed his eyes and tried to think like a troll. Let his new troll instincts take over.
When he opened his eyes, Karkat was staring at him with a strange expression. John didn’t have time to explain. He had places to be.
“Thanks for your help,” he said, standing up and slipping his feet back into his shoes. Without another word, he fled Karkat’s hive. He had to get back to his before Dave got home from whatever he’d been doing with Sollux. Those two had been seeing a lot of each other lately, something about a project. Usually John was a little annoyed, because he wanted to spend time with Dave, too, but tonight, it was perfect. He’d have just enough time to pull together his plan.
-
Piles were surprisingly hard work. John felt a bit like a bird (or chirpbeast or whatever they were called on this planet) trying to build a nest. He sorted through item after item, tossing it aside or throwing it to the pile. It had to be absolutely perfect. If he used one wrong item, what if it made Dave decide that he wasn’t worthy of his attention anymore? The thought made John take pause and shudder. He really didn’t like the idea of being without Dave.
He glanced at the clock on the wall. He was still a little slow in understanding what time it was, but if he was reading it correctly, then Dave would be home any minute now. He would probably expecting John to feed him since apparently Sollux just did not eat and didn’t keep much food around his hive.
But John did not have time to think about food right now. He was building a pile and it was almost complete. He didn’t exactly understand why he had felt so compelled to build a pile. Karkat had mentioned them before but John had pretty much ignored everything he’d said because it was one of those things Karkat went on and on and on about. John knew all about how Gamzee was such an awful pile maker but Karkat pitied him so damn much he would sit in the damn pile of horns anyway. John looked at his pile. It was pretty pathetic. There were more items in the ‘not good for pile’ pile than in the feelings jam pile. Maybe Dave would do the same for him as Karkat did for Gamzee and he wouldn’t dump him on the street.
He tossed a clock on the pile (they had a lot of clocks since Dave seemed really soothed by the sound of time passing, which John didn’t entirely get, but that was okay; Dave didn’t really get how John was so fucking antsy on days where there was no wind) and the front door opened. John tensed up. This was it. Dave was home and now John would spill his guts and then they’d be moirails and everything would be awesome.
Or, based on the expression on Dave’s face when he saw the pile of crap in the middle of the room, maybe not.
“What the fuck, Egbert?” he asked, sounded not at all upset and genuinely confused.
“Uh,” John supplied helpfully. “It’s supposed to be a pile.” His shoulders sagged; he tried to make himself look as pitiful as possible.
“Really, because right now it just looks like a fucking mess,” Dave said. “Why the hell are you trying to make piles in our hou- hive?”
John looked at the pile a moment, then back at Dave. Did Dave know something about piles he didn't? “I wanted to,” he said. “For uh. You.”
Dave went very still at that, and didn’t say a word for so long that John began to consider just kicking the pile apart and yelling JUST KIDDING HAHA GOT YOU AGAIN at the top of his lungs.
Fortunately, he didn’t have to, because after what felt like ten eternities, Dave said slowly, “Why are you building a pile for me?”
“Hey, that’s something we can talk about,” John said hopefully. “In the pile!” He grinned and dropped down to sit on the stuff he’d managed to gather. It wasn’t comfortable, but he figured it wasn’t meant to be. He patted the shirt next to him that he’d thrown in there, hoping Dave would get the hint.
It seemed, after a few moments, that he did. With a sigh, Dave shuffled over to the pile and sat down next to John. Neither of them said anything for a long time. John, because he didn’t know what to say. Dave, because he was mostly confused about what was going on.
“This pile is really uncomfortable,” Dave said finally and John laughed, nodding.
“Yeah, I figure maybe that’s how they’re supposed to be,” he said carefully. “If they were too soft or something you might just fall asleep!”
“Trolls don’t sleep on things that are soft, they sleep in barrels of green shit,” Dave pointed out.
John’s smile faded a bit at that. “Yeah, but we’re trolls now,” he said. “That’s what we sleep in.”
Dave glanced at John, his red eyes barely visible behind the shades he’d managed to hang on to all this time. The shades John had bought him so many years ago. Well, it had only been about four years since then, but it felt a whole hell of a lot longer.
“Guess so,” Dave mumbled, and John’s fingers found their way to his shoulder, tapping there lightly. It was like he wanted to pap Dave, make him feel better, but something was holding him back. Dave didn’t react to the touch.
“So I talked to Karkat today,” John said finally, and that, Dave reacted to. John could see his eyes widen just a bit at the name, then his expression turned into a scowl.
“Why the fuck do I care what you do with that jackass?” he asked, a bit sharply. “All he ever does it try to piss me off and yesterday, he actually tried to fucking break my shades, what the hell does he even think he’s doing-”
John put a hand over Dave’s mouth and shook his head. He didn’t want to hear about Dave’s stupid black crush on Karkat (because that’s what it was, and only now did he recognize that), especially while he was trying to get out his pale feelings.
“I don’t care about that,” he said, removing his hand once he was sure Dave was going to stay quiet. “I don’t want to talk about Karkat, I want to talk about what we talked about. Which was, uhhh, troll romance. Tromance, if you will.”
“Tromance,” Dave repeated, deadpan.
“Yes,” John said, nodding sagely.
“Why were you talking about… ‘tromance’, with Karkat, and what does that have to do with me?” Dave asked, glancing down at his hands in his lap.
This was the part that was going to be hard. He wasn’t sure what Dave knew about quadrants or if he’d be able to get him to understand them. But he had to try. Dave wouldn’t toss him aside just because he pitied him a bit, right?
“Ever since we started living together, I’ve gotten to know you really well,” John started to explain. Do it quick, like ripping off a bandaid or maybe his entire scalp. “And as a human, I don’t actually know how I would have felt, but I probably would have thought you were just pretty awesome. But since I’m a troll now, which sucks a lot but also a lot less than it did at first, I find you pretty pathetic. I guess I feel sorry for you? I mean, life sucked a lot before and it sucks a lot now and the way you handle it is just so... pitiable.”
Dave didn’t look up at John. John kept quiet. Dave still didn’t speak, or move. John starting fidgeting. Dave tilted his head to the side, and still did not say anything. John bit his lip in nervousness and to keep from taking it all back.
He was quickly reminded of why that was a shitty idea.
“Ow, fuck, fangs suck,” John hissed as he put his fingers to his lip. Yep, he was bleeding. Awesome. What awesome timing he had, to forget he can’t bite his own damn lip without breaking skin while trying to confess to a crush.
Dave did look up at that. He had a little smirk, but it was quickly erased, like he was trying to keep himself from showing any emotion to John. He didn’t do that much anymore. He let his guard down around John. Maybe he was starting to regret that.
“That’s pretty sad, John,” he said. “How many times is that now? Not including the times you’ve bitten your tongue?”
“Probably in the hundreds,” John said, scowling at the blue liquid on his fingers. It was still weird, not having red blood. At least that was something Dave never had to adjust to.
“I’m seeing Sollux.”
That was not what John had expected to hear. He looked up from his fingers to meet Dave’s eyes, but Dave had already turned away. Fuck. John closed his eyes and didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to. What did Dave mean, seeing Sollux? That was such a stupid thing to say. There were so many goddamn quadrants, ‘seeing someone’ could mean practically anything.
“It started off as just working on that project,” Dave explained further. “But I guess as time wore on, I just started, you know, thinking he was pretty hot and also kind of pathetic but fuck, for trolls, that’s a good thing. Turns out he thought I was pretty pathetic too. Felt sorry for me because I could barely function as a troll. Though my emotions seem to be troll enough for him.”
John opened his eyes, clarity ringing in his head like a bell. “You’re flushed for him,” he said. It was not a question. “He’s your matesprit.”
Dave shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess,” he said. “I mean. Yes. Yeah. He’s my matesprit.”
John laughed, still nervous but relieved. “Dave, you moron,” he said, grinning. “I’m not flushed for you!”
Dave turned his head enough to meet John’s eyes and John could tell he was surprised. “You aren’t?” he asked. Was that a touch of hopefulness John heard?
“No, stupid,” John said, bopping him on the back of his head. “I don’t want your gross bulge or whatever. I’m trying to tell you that I’m pale for you.” He frowned then. “But why didn’t you tell me about you and Sollux?”
Dave let out a long sigh. “I thought you liked me. Like that. Pitied me. Whatever. The same way he did,” he said. “Sollux warned me about telling someone who is flushed for you about a new matesprit, especially with as much time as we spend together. Said it could flip you into black or something. Apparently it’s not a good idea to live with someone who wants to choke you in your sleep. Who knew?”
John snorted. “Like I could ever hate you, in any way,” he said. “So, uh, I guess… that’s it, then. That’s what I wanted to tell you. What the pile was for.” He started to stand up.
Dave grabbed his arm and yanked him back down. John yelped and tumbled backwards into the pile. He was on his back, staring up as Dave leaned over him, making sure their eyes were meeting before spoke again.
“Also maybe I was pretty pale for you too, turns out,” he said. “Stupid as that sounds. Fuck, I hate troll terminology.”
John laughed. “Yeah, it’s pretty stupid,” he said. “Moirails? Really? What a dumb word.”
“Dumb word,” Dave agreed with a shrug. He lowered his shades enough to look at John over them. “Pretty great concept, though.”
John nodded , a grin slowly spreading across his face. “Yeah,” he murmured, “pretty great.”
Title: Moirallegiance
Fandom: Homestuck
Rating: PG, for some cursing.
Pairings: John♦Dave, Dave♠Karkat, Dave♥Sollux, a little bit of Karkat♦Gamzee
Warnings: Cursing, species!swap.
Summary: Troll!John finds troll!Dave to be pretty pitiable.
--
Every time John thought he was used to being a troll, something new popped up that he had to freak out about all over again (what if it wasn’t normal and he would get culled for it?) until Karkat explained it to him using a lot of curse words and hyperbolic expressions. The new discoveries were getting less and less as time wore on, but after all the panicking about biological functions (“how am i supposed to go to the bathroom!” “I AM NOT HELPING YOU USE THE LOAD GAPER, EGBERT.”) he was starting to find out things about his emotions. Like he was slowly getting rid of human emotions and taking on troll ones.
He had first noticed it when Karkat had called him a ‘pitiable fuckhead’ and John had been so embarrassed and a little unsettled that Karkat was thinking of him in that way that Karkat had to add that he was pitiable in a platonic way. That hadn’t eased John’s nerves, but then Dave had entered the room and the way he’d asked Karkat what the hell dried grubs were doing in the cabinet (they were for snacking on apparently) had made John’s troll heart do a pathetic little flip in his chest.
The thing was that he didn’t exactly have a crush on Dave. Not in human terms. John was the only person Dave trusted enough to show a little emotion around and since they were living together in a hive (which apparently was not a common thing on Alternia) John got to see Dave’s pitiable side a lot. As it turns out, he was actually easily stressed out by things that should have been day to day routine for a normal troll, but while they were so similar to their Earth routines, they were just different enough to feel like you were doing something wrong. There were too many little differences that were so much more unsettling than the big differences, like the way the cold and hot taps were switched, the way doorknobs worked, the height of the ceiling. Sleeping in what was basically a bowl of neon green goo had been easy to adjust compared to having to deal with the the fact that the numbers on the keyboard were reversed.
So John found himself having to pat Dave’s shoulder while he went on a rant about how he missed fucking apple juice of all things and then one day it just clicked; he pitied Dave. He wanted to protect Dave. And as a human, that was something that wouldn’t have been a big deal, maybe even made him a little annoyed at Dave. As a troll, it made John want to hug the shit out of him.
So of course, he’d freaked out and immediately had wanted to go to Karkat for advice. Karkat was supposed to be the troll romance master, right? So obviously he would be able to solve John’s problems. But he was also a little terrified to bring up what felt like a really sensitive subject to him.
“So, uh, the pity thing trolls do,” John tried to bring up casually one day while hanging out at Karkat’s hive.
“Holy shit, who is it your flushed for?” Karkat growled, not looking away from his computer. “Wait, wait, before you say anything, let me give you a tip: don’t fucking act on it. You don’t understand pity enough to be a suitable matesprit for a fucking rock, let alone an actual troll.”
“I’m not flushed for anyone!” John protested quickly. At least, he didn’t think he was flushed for Dave. Didn’t being flushed mean wanting to kiss the other person, not just pat them on the back and shoosh them and make them feel better? What the hell was this, anyway? “I’m just curious. I can’t always remember how quadrants work and since I am actually having the right feelings to fill them, I figure maybe I should at least try to understand them.”
“So you pity someone,” Karkat said, finally turning in his chair to face John. “Well, let’s see. There’s me, which isn’t likely, or else you wouldn’t be coming to me for fucking advice. There’s Sollux, but let’s face it. You hardly talk to him, let alone enough to actually pity the pathetic fuck. Trust me, there is a lot to pity there. The only other troll you see would be... Strider.”
John looked down, his cheeks tinting blue in embarrassment. Wow, Karkat had figured that out fast. Was he really that transparent?
“Ugh, of course it’s Strider,” Karkat let out a huge sigh. “I don’t see what’s so pitiable about him. He’s just a huge asshole all the time, bugging me about the stupidest shit- did you know he actually asked me how to open the fucking fridge the other day? Seriously, what the fuck? Is his thinkpan so small that he actually does not know the basics of being fucking alive-”
“Karkat,” John interrupted the tirade, because he could see where it was going. Karkat had a tendency to get really worked up about Dave and Dave was pretty similar. John was getting a little sick of it. He didn’t want his best friends hating each other! Oh, shit, wait, hate was romance on this stupid planet, wasn’t it?
“What? Fuck. Pretend I didn’t say any of that. So why are you coming to me with your stupid romance problems?” Karkat asked, turning back to his computer.
John shrugged and pulled his legs up to his chest. He wasn’t wearing shoes and he could see his clawed toes. He wiggled them, still a bit weirded out that they belonged to him.
“I’m not interested in romance with him,” John explained carefully. “Like, I don’t want to kiss him or anything.”
“Kissing is typically only between matesprits and kismeses, but there are two quadrants based on pity, fucknuts,” Karkat answered, surprisingly patient despite his rude language. Wow, he really did like talking about this romance stuff. “If you aren’t flushed for him but still pity him, then you’re pale for him. You want him as a moirail. It’s not a big deal.”
“So all quadrants are romance?” John asked, rubbing his chin on his knee thoughtfully.
“Wow, you must be about ten times stupider than you look, Egbert, and that is a huge accomplishment, trust me,” Karkat said. John could practically hear him rolling his eyes. “That’s the point of the quadrants! They are all romance. If you aren’t romantically interested in someone, they don’t go in a quadrant. It’s really that simple and I can’t believe you can’t wrap your minuscule thinkpan around such a simple concept.”
John frowned. Karkat had a point; he couldn’t really wrap his head around the concept of not wanting to kiss someone and still wanting to be romantically involved with them. “So you think I am...interested in Dave. Romantically,” he said slowly.
“Platonic pity is a thing, you know,” Karkat said. “But I have a feeling that you wouldn’t have come to me if that was the problem. I’m not really interested in helping Strider fill any of his quadrants because he’s nothing but a slimy nookstain, but I guess,” he sighed hugely, like it was just so painful for him to admit, “I would say you probably have a pale crush on him. Maybe you could be an okay moirail for Strider since he’s not a proper troll, because, like I said, you have the absolute worst understanding of pity...”
John stopped paying attention as Karkat went on another long rant about what an awful troll John was, and stopped grinding his chin into his knee. He sat up a bit straighter, his thoughts sorting themselves out. A pale crush? Somehow, through all the confusion that squares seemed to be the cause of, that made a lot of sense. He closed his eyes and tried to think like a troll. Let his new troll instincts take over.
When he opened his eyes, Karkat was staring at him with a strange expression. John didn’t have time to explain. He had places to be.
“Thanks for your help,” he said, standing up and slipping his feet back into his shoes. Without another word, he fled Karkat’s hive. He had to get back to his before Dave got home from whatever he’d been doing with Sollux. Those two had been seeing a lot of each other lately, something about a project. Usually John was a little annoyed, because he wanted to spend time with Dave, too, but tonight, it was perfect. He’d have just enough time to pull together his plan.
-
Piles were surprisingly hard work. John felt a bit like a bird (or chirpbeast or whatever they were called on this planet) trying to build a nest. He sorted through item after item, tossing it aside or throwing it to the pile. It had to be absolutely perfect. If he used one wrong item, what if it made Dave decide that he wasn’t worthy of his attention anymore? The thought made John take pause and shudder. He really didn’t like the idea of being without Dave.
He glanced at the clock on the wall. He was still a little slow in understanding what time it was, but if he was reading it correctly, then Dave would be home any minute now. He would probably expecting John to feed him since apparently Sollux just did not eat and didn’t keep much food around his hive.
But John did not have time to think about food right now. He was building a pile and it was almost complete. He didn’t exactly understand why he had felt so compelled to build a pile. Karkat had mentioned them before but John had pretty much ignored everything he’d said because it was one of those things Karkat went on and on and on about. John knew all about how Gamzee was such an awful pile maker but Karkat pitied him so damn much he would sit in the damn pile of horns anyway. John looked at his pile. It was pretty pathetic. There were more items in the ‘not good for pile’ pile than in the feelings jam pile. Maybe Dave would do the same for him as Karkat did for Gamzee and he wouldn’t dump him on the street.
He tossed a clock on the pile (they had a lot of clocks since Dave seemed really soothed by the sound of time passing, which John didn’t entirely get, but that was okay; Dave didn’t really get how John was so fucking antsy on days where there was no wind) and the front door opened. John tensed up. This was it. Dave was home and now John would spill his guts and then they’d be moirails and everything would be awesome.
Or, based on the expression on Dave’s face when he saw the pile of crap in the middle of the room, maybe not.
“What the fuck, Egbert?” he asked, sounded not at all upset and genuinely confused.
“Uh,” John supplied helpfully. “It’s supposed to be a pile.” His shoulders sagged; he tried to make himself look as pitiful as possible.
“Really, because right now it just looks like a fucking mess,” Dave said. “Why the hell are you trying to make piles in our hou- hive?”
John looked at the pile a moment, then back at Dave. Did Dave know something about piles he didn't? “I wanted to,” he said. “For uh. You.”
Dave went very still at that, and didn’t say a word for so long that John began to consider just kicking the pile apart and yelling JUST KIDDING HAHA GOT YOU AGAIN at the top of his lungs.
Fortunately, he didn’t have to, because after what felt like ten eternities, Dave said slowly, “Why are you building a pile for me?”
“Hey, that’s something we can talk about,” John said hopefully. “In the pile!” He grinned and dropped down to sit on the stuff he’d managed to gather. It wasn’t comfortable, but he figured it wasn’t meant to be. He patted the shirt next to him that he’d thrown in there, hoping Dave would get the hint.
It seemed, after a few moments, that he did. With a sigh, Dave shuffled over to the pile and sat down next to John. Neither of them said anything for a long time. John, because he didn’t know what to say. Dave, because he was mostly confused about what was going on.
“This pile is really uncomfortable,” Dave said finally and John laughed, nodding.
“Yeah, I figure maybe that’s how they’re supposed to be,” he said carefully. “If they were too soft or something you might just fall asleep!”
“Trolls don’t sleep on things that are soft, they sleep in barrels of green shit,” Dave pointed out.
John’s smile faded a bit at that. “Yeah, but we’re trolls now,” he said. “That’s what we sleep in.”
Dave glanced at John, his red eyes barely visible behind the shades he’d managed to hang on to all this time. The shades John had bought him so many years ago. Well, it had only been about four years since then, but it felt a whole hell of a lot longer.
“Guess so,” Dave mumbled, and John’s fingers found their way to his shoulder, tapping there lightly. It was like he wanted to pap Dave, make him feel better, but something was holding him back. Dave didn’t react to the touch.
“So I talked to Karkat today,” John said finally, and that, Dave reacted to. John could see his eyes widen just a bit at the name, then his expression turned into a scowl.
“Why the fuck do I care what you do with that jackass?” he asked, a bit sharply. “All he ever does it try to piss me off and yesterday, he actually tried to fucking break my shades, what the hell does he even think he’s doing-”
John put a hand over Dave’s mouth and shook his head. He didn’t want to hear about Dave’s stupid black crush on Karkat (because that’s what it was, and only now did he recognize that), especially while he was trying to get out his pale feelings.
“I don’t care about that,” he said, removing his hand once he was sure Dave was going to stay quiet. “I don’t want to talk about Karkat, I want to talk about what we talked about. Which was, uhhh, troll romance. Tromance, if you will.”
“Tromance,” Dave repeated, deadpan.
“Yes,” John said, nodding sagely.
“Why were you talking about… ‘tromance’, with Karkat, and what does that have to do with me?” Dave asked, glancing down at his hands in his lap.
This was the part that was going to be hard. He wasn’t sure what Dave knew about quadrants or if he’d be able to get him to understand them. But he had to try. Dave wouldn’t toss him aside just because he pitied him a bit, right?
“Ever since we started living together, I’ve gotten to know you really well,” John started to explain. Do it quick, like ripping off a bandaid or maybe his entire scalp. “And as a human, I don’t actually know how I would have felt, but I probably would have thought you were just pretty awesome. But since I’m a troll now, which sucks a lot but also a lot less than it did at first, I find you pretty pathetic. I guess I feel sorry for you? I mean, life sucked a lot before and it sucks a lot now and the way you handle it is just so... pitiable.”
Dave didn’t look up at John. John kept quiet. Dave still didn’t speak, or move. John starting fidgeting. Dave tilted his head to the side, and still did not say anything. John bit his lip in nervousness and to keep from taking it all back.
He was quickly reminded of why that was a shitty idea.
“Ow, fuck, fangs suck,” John hissed as he put his fingers to his lip. Yep, he was bleeding. Awesome. What awesome timing he had, to forget he can’t bite his own damn lip without breaking skin while trying to confess to a crush.
Dave did look up at that. He had a little smirk, but it was quickly erased, like he was trying to keep himself from showing any emotion to John. He didn’t do that much anymore. He let his guard down around John. Maybe he was starting to regret that.
“That’s pretty sad, John,” he said. “How many times is that now? Not including the times you’ve bitten your tongue?”
“Probably in the hundreds,” John said, scowling at the blue liquid on his fingers. It was still weird, not having red blood. At least that was something Dave never had to adjust to.
“I’m seeing Sollux.”
That was not what John had expected to hear. He looked up from his fingers to meet Dave’s eyes, but Dave had already turned away. Fuck. John closed his eyes and didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to. What did Dave mean, seeing Sollux? That was such a stupid thing to say. There were so many goddamn quadrants, ‘seeing someone’ could mean practically anything.
“It started off as just working on that project,” Dave explained further. “But I guess as time wore on, I just started, you know, thinking he was pretty hot and also kind of pathetic but fuck, for trolls, that’s a good thing. Turns out he thought I was pretty pathetic too. Felt sorry for me because I could barely function as a troll. Though my emotions seem to be troll enough for him.”
John opened his eyes, clarity ringing in his head like a bell. “You’re flushed for him,” he said. It was not a question. “He’s your matesprit.”
Dave shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess,” he said. “I mean. Yes. Yeah. He’s my matesprit.”
John laughed, still nervous but relieved. “Dave, you moron,” he said, grinning. “I’m not flushed for you!”
Dave turned his head enough to meet John’s eyes and John could tell he was surprised. “You aren’t?” he asked. Was that a touch of hopefulness John heard?
“No, stupid,” John said, bopping him on the back of his head. “I don’t want your gross bulge or whatever. I’m trying to tell you that I’m pale for you.” He frowned then. “But why didn’t you tell me about you and Sollux?”
Dave let out a long sigh. “I thought you liked me. Like that. Pitied me. Whatever. The same way he did,” he said. “Sollux warned me about telling someone who is flushed for you about a new matesprit, especially with as much time as we spend together. Said it could flip you into black or something. Apparently it’s not a good idea to live with someone who wants to choke you in your sleep. Who knew?”
John snorted. “Like I could ever hate you, in any way,” he said. “So, uh, I guess… that’s it, then. That’s what I wanted to tell you. What the pile was for.” He started to stand up.
Dave grabbed his arm and yanked him back down. John yelped and tumbled backwards into the pile. He was on his back, staring up as Dave leaned over him, making sure their eyes were meeting before spoke again.
“Also maybe I was pretty pale for you too, turns out,” he said. “Stupid as that sounds. Fuck, I hate troll terminology.”
John laughed. “Yeah, it’s pretty stupid,” he said. “Moirails? Really? What a dumb word.”
“Dumb word,” Dave agreed with a shrug. He lowered his shades enough to look at John over them. “Pretty great concept, though.”
John nodded , a grin slowly spreading across his face. “Yeah,” he murmured, “pretty great.”