Fading
Axel is fading, and fading fast. Or at least, it feels like he is. In the back of his mind, he knows that his fading is going much slower than that of the others, and wonders why. His conscious mind is too busy screaming at him that this is the end to notice these kinds of details.
Axel supposes that when you’re dying, it feels too fast no matter how long it takes.
Axel lays there fading, spilling his “heart” out to this boy who both is and isn’t the reason for all this. The boy who both is and isn’t Roxas. Roxas, the boy he both does and cannot love.
Axel tries not to listen to the voice in his mind telling him that he will never see Roxas again in any form, because he is never coming back. He tries not to listen to the whispers in his ear that he has no heart, hence no next life, and he tries to fight back the tears at the thought that he will have to break his promise to Roxas.
Axel tries.
Axel always thought of things differently than the other members of the Organization did. He questioned their pack-mentality in blindly following Xemnas towards Kingdom Hearts, but said nothing. He wasn’t like Roxas, Roxas who questioned their path, then made a new one. He wasn’t like Saïx either, turning every word from their ‘Superior’s’ mouth into a Holy Edict. No, Axel was silently reproachful of the whole system.
Axel had a plan to take it all down.
He was going to destroy Sora. He was going to keep Roxas safe from both the Organization and his other. He was going to find Roxas, and keep him secure and warm for the rest of forever. He was going to find a way to get their hearts back.
But none of that mattered anymore. Not as he lay there fading somewhere Betwixt and Between the realms of Darkness and Light. Not as he lay there running out of time and running out of stolen breaths in his stolen existence.
The only thing that mattered was that hopefully Roxas could be happy now. Only in fading did Axel realize how important having a heart really was. He didn’t want Roxas to go through this. It was like… it was like he was feeling for the first time since becoming a Nobody, and all he was feeling was empty. It was an understanding of how empty they really were, and he was going to die with this as his last souvenir of, well, not life.
Roxas was never going to go through this. Not if he had anything to say about it. Roxas would get what he waned, his merge with Sora, and he would have a heart for the rest of his life. He would come back, and he would be happy.
He would feel something, he would feel all the time, and it wouldn’t feel like this.
Axel wanted nothing more than Roxas’ happiness. He had ever since he realized that something about the sunshine-haired boy was different from the rest of them. There was something happy and alive about him that not even Demyx had. It was just… different. There was no way he could really think of to describe it.
But then again, none of that really mattered anymore. Roxas was gone and Axel didn’t know where to, but what he did know was that tendrils of Darkness were closing in on him and wrapping around his limbs and dragging him down. He could feel himself sinking slowly into non-existence even more profound than had been his state as a Nobody. He saw above him concerned blue eyes and a cherubic face, but although it was close, it just wasn’t Roxas.
It was Sora.
Sora was on the verge of tears, Axel could tell, but of course - it didn’t matter to him. He didn’t feel pity or remorse. He thought his actions were stupid, surely, but he also thought he had done the only thing he could have. The way he saw it, he could either have done what he did: destroy the heartless and save Sora, all at the cost of his own non-life, or he could have taken down as many as he could, and trusted Sora to do the rest.
The problem was, Axel didn’t trust Sora. He trusted Roxas, sure, but not Sora. They were the same person maybe, but the resemblance wasn’t enough. Roxas was cold-blooded, a swift, unrivaled fighter. He carried two blades both hard as ice, and both stained with the blood of allies and traitors alike. Axel trusted him to do what he needed to get by. Sora, on the other hand, was soft. He had too much emotion within him. His fighting was strong, maybe as strong as Roxas’, but he was too hesitant and afraid of attack to get by. He wanted too much to do right by others to do right by himself.
The tendrils tightened around him, cutting into his soft flesh. He realized suddenly that his fading wasn’t going slowly, his mind was simply working too quickly for him to keep up. It would appear that at his last moment some twist of fate was allowing him to clear the mists of his life. It seemed ironic, really, that he could see his mistakes now, too late to fix them.
He felt his legs and arms go, the cold creeping ever closer to his heart. His mind wanted his mouth to scream out at the new sensations. He had never felt anything like this before. Obviously, he had never felt anything before, but he couldn’t help wonder if this pain was truly much at all. Maybe it just seemed so because it was his first time. The thought helped him push the pain aside and focus.
“Sora.” It took more than he had expected to get the word out, and left him winded and out of breath. “Find… Roxas.” He had to pause and take breaths between the words, because he was too weak. “You have… to…merge.” The last word died on his tongue, his mouth was hot and dry. His chest heaved with the strain of speech. It would seem his so slow time was running out.
He closed his eyes, because the light of the distorted space around them was too bright. It burned his retinas, reminding him how he had burned the heartless in much the same way. He didn’t want to reflect on the killings he had done with his own fire and hands. It made no difference now, anyway.
The darkness behind his eyelids was a different kind of darkness than the one engulfing him with what seemed to be increasing fervor. It seemed somehow to lack the familiarity of the other, though one promised his death. He had been surrounded by the darkness he could control for as long as he had been a Nobody, but the darkness of his own head was strange and scary.
Just before he let go, his eyes flickered open of their own accord. He half expected to see Roxas hovering over him, Roxas with tears in his gorgeous blue eyes, Roxas holding his hand as it became less and less solid. But it wasn't.
It was Sora.
Axel supposes that when you’re dying, it feels too fast no matter how long it takes.
Axel lays there fading, spilling his “heart” out to this boy who both is and isn’t the reason for all this. The boy who both is and isn’t Roxas. Roxas, the boy he both does and cannot love.
Axel tries not to listen to the voice in his mind telling him that he will never see Roxas again in any form, because he is never coming back. He tries not to listen to the whispers in his ear that he has no heart, hence no next life, and he tries to fight back the tears at the thought that he will have to break his promise to Roxas.
Axel tries.
Axel always thought of things differently than the other members of the Organization did. He questioned their pack-mentality in blindly following Xemnas towards Kingdom Hearts, but said nothing. He wasn’t like Roxas, Roxas who questioned their path, then made a new one. He wasn’t like Saïx either, turning every word from their ‘Superior’s’ mouth into a Holy Edict. No, Axel was silently reproachful of the whole system.
Axel had a plan to take it all down.
He was going to destroy Sora. He was going to keep Roxas safe from both the Organization and his other. He was going to find Roxas, and keep him secure and warm for the rest of forever. He was going to find a way to get their hearts back.
But none of that mattered anymore. Not as he lay there fading somewhere Betwixt and Between the realms of Darkness and Light. Not as he lay there running out of time and running out of stolen breaths in his stolen existence.
The only thing that mattered was that hopefully Roxas could be happy now. Only in fading did Axel realize how important having a heart really was. He didn’t want Roxas to go through this. It was like… it was like he was feeling for the first time since becoming a Nobody, and all he was feeling was empty. It was an understanding of how empty they really were, and he was going to die with this as his last souvenir of, well, not life.
Roxas was never going to go through this. Not if he had anything to say about it. Roxas would get what he waned, his merge with Sora, and he would have a heart for the rest of his life. He would come back, and he would be happy.
He would feel something, he would feel all the time, and it wouldn’t feel like this.
Axel wanted nothing more than Roxas’ happiness. He had ever since he realized that something about the sunshine-haired boy was different from the rest of them. There was something happy and alive about him that not even Demyx had. It was just… different. There was no way he could really think of to describe it.
But then again, none of that really mattered anymore. Roxas was gone and Axel didn’t know where to, but what he did know was that tendrils of Darkness were closing in on him and wrapping around his limbs and dragging him down. He could feel himself sinking slowly into non-existence even more profound than had been his state as a Nobody. He saw above him concerned blue eyes and a cherubic face, but although it was close, it just wasn’t Roxas.
It was Sora.
Sora was on the verge of tears, Axel could tell, but of course - it didn’t matter to him. He didn’t feel pity or remorse. He thought his actions were stupid, surely, but he also thought he had done the only thing he could have. The way he saw it, he could either have done what he did: destroy the heartless and save Sora, all at the cost of his own non-life, or he could have taken down as many as he could, and trusted Sora to do the rest.
The problem was, Axel didn’t trust Sora. He trusted Roxas, sure, but not Sora. They were the same person maybe, but the resemblance wasn’t enough. Roxas was cold-blooded, a swift, unrivaled fighter. He carried two blades both hard as ice, and both stained with the blood of allies and traitors alike. Axel trusted him to do what he needed to get by. Sora, on the other hand, was soft. He had too much emotion within him. His fighting was strong, maybe as strong as Roxas’, but he was too hesitant and afraid of attack to get by. He wanted too much to do right by others to do right by himself.
The tendrils tightened around him, cutting into his soft flesh. He realized suddenly that his fading wasn’t going slowly, his mind was simply working too quickly for him to keep up. It would appear that at his last moment some twist of fate was allowing him to clear the mists of his life. It seemed ironic, really, that he could see his mistakes now, too late to fix them.
He felt his legs and arms go, the cold creeping ever closer to his heart. His mind wanted his mouth to scream out at the new sensations. He had never felt anything like this before. Obviously, he had never felt anything before, but he couldn’t help wonder if this pain was truly much at all. Maybe it just seemed so because it was his first time. The thought helped him push the pain aside and focus.
“Sora.” It took more than he had expected to get the word out, and left him winded and out of breath. “Find… Roxas.” He had to pause and take breaths between the words, because he was too weak. “You have… to…merge.” The last word died on his tongue, his mouth was hot and dry. His chest heaved with the strain of speech. It would seem his so slow time was running out.
He closed his eyes, because the light of the distorted space around them was too bright. It burned his retinas, reminding him how he had burned the heartless in much the same way. He didn’t want to reflect on the killings he had done with his own fire and hands. It made no difference now, anyway.
The darkness behind his eyelids was a different kind of darkness than the one engulfing him with what seemed to be increasing fervor. It seemed somehow to lack the familiarity of the other, though one promised his death. He had been surrounded by the darkness he could control for as long as he had been a Nobody, but the darkness of his own head was strange and scary.
Just before he let go, his eyes flickered open of their own accord. He half expected to see Roxas hovering over him, Roxas with tears in his gorgeous blue eyes, Roxas holding his hand as it became less and less solid. But it wasn't.
It was Sora.