Not How I Wanted To Spend My Birthday

[thatnewcarsmell]

I really fucking hate again that I've taken so long to write in here. And now I hate even more to only write that it's my birthday and I'm balling my eyes out because I just found out a friend killed himself. I've never been in this situation before. I don't really know how I should feel. I feel sad. Definitely fucking sad. I had to have the news broken to me by other friends and pass it on to other friends myself. And I know everyone always says, "He's the last person I ever expected to do something like that," but he was. Donald was always making everyone laugh and goofing around and always had a smile on his face. And I've always said that I don't want people crying and carrying on at my funeral and everything to be total sadness. I want to be missed and people wish I were still there, sure, but I don't want everyone to just dwell on the fact that I'm no longer and not move on. I want people laughing and telling stories about how much fun I was. But I already dread seeing everyone this friday. I've never been to a funeral for a friend or someone even anywhere near my age. It's all been older family members who died of natural causes. I don't really know what else to say. I think I'm gonna try to take a nap.

"Uh oh, that shit's made with turkey. I might get shleepy!"
-Donald Cosper.

Here's to you man. I always admired you, and I'll always love you. I still don't really know what I believe about after death, but hopefully we'll meet again one day.