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I'm increasingly aware that I have more resilience than is good for me. I weather compulsions, conceptualizations, aspirations, and epiphanies constantly. Why can't I just reach a fucking breaking point for once? How can I stand my state of existence in the face of my potential
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i have been thinking about this for the last few days, since permission was granted so happily to me commenting here... this public statement seems like a big deal. at keast from my perspective of your situation. something about your current state seems different than before. you have often expressed that you "should" be doing other things, that you "shouldn't" work so much and give that such a priority. I think the difference now is that it sounds like you really *want* and/or *need* to make a change. that takes it out of the realm of feeling obligated to your potential to do something else, and into the realm of being good to your self and feeding your soul.
i know for me, that is the place i have to be in to actually make much progress.
and saying it out loud to this community of people who care about makes it more real. and i think that is awesome.
just remember not to be too hard on yourself- it may take some time to find your bearings- and find a balance between responsibility, potential and soul care.
you can do more than just survive as an overly resiliant person- you have great *potential* for happiness too.
at least i certainly think so. that happiness may very well include being an art director- but maybe not *just* that.
maybe there will be some more epiphanies in alabama . . . stranger things have happened. regardless, hope you don't starve, buddy. have fun and tell pat i am glad he was born : )
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I definitely feel like I am progressing along these lines, and becoming more open, aware, and assertive about doing things that are truly important to me. I think I have always filled my life with things I love and enjoy, but I don't think I've ever put myself in a position where they were things I consider the most important (if you were to ask me to prioritize) are my highest priority. You would think they automatically would be, but I think my tendency toward working the system and following the rules has kept me from realizing possibilities.
I'm pretty excited about it :)
Anyway... I'll tell pat, and yeah, I hope I have some epiphanies (other than "DON'T MOVE TO ALABAMA!" of course ;)
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kiss emma for me and tell everyone else hi and call me if you get bored : )
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