IT'S USEFUL BEING TOP BANANA IN THE SHOCK DEPARTMENT.
I've been wanting to picspam Breakfast at Tiffany's for a while and a recent rewatch finally pushed me to do it. It's my favorite Audrey Hepburn movie and quite possibly my favorite movie, period.
Goddamn, the dialogue in this film. It makes me giddy with its perfection. I barely managed to sustain from copy/pasting the entire transcript.
- YOU CANNOT GO ON KEEP RINGING MY BELL. YOU DISTURB ME. YOU MUST HAVE A KEY MADE!
- BUT IT WON'T DO ANY GOOD. I'D JUST LOSE THEM ALL.
- POOR OLD CAT. POOR SLOB. POOR SLOB WITHOUT A NAME. WAY I LOOK AT IT, I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO GIVE HIM ONE. WE DON'T BELONG TO EACH OTHER. WE JUST TOOK UP BY THE RIVER ONE DAY. I DON'T WANT TO OWN ANYTHING UNTIL I CAN FIND A PLACE WHERE ME AND THINGS GO TOGETHER. I'M NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS, BUT I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE. IT'S LIKE TIFFANY'S.
...
- You know those days when you get the mean reds?
- The mean reds? You mean, like the blues?
- No. The blues are because you're getting fat or maybe it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly, you're afraid and don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
- Sure.
- When I get it, the only thing that does any good is to jump into a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it. Nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real life place that made me feel like Tiffany's, then...Then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name.
(Holly whistles for a cab.)
- I never could do that.
- It's easy.
...
- You know, you're sweet. You really are. And you look a little like my brother Fred. Do you mind if I call you Fred?
- Not at all.
...
- IT'S USEFUL BEING TOP BANANA IN THE SHOCK DEPARTMENT.
- "Nine Lives" by Paul Varjak. They're stories.
- Nine of them.
- Tell me one.
- They're not the kind of stories you can really tell.
- Too dirty?
- Yeah, I suppose they're dirty, too, but only incidentally. Mainly they're angry, sensitive, intensely felt, and that dirtiest of all dirty words - promising.
...
- Do you mind if I just get in with you for a minute? It's all right. Really, it is. We're friends, that's all. We are friends, aren't we?
- Sure.
- OK, let's don't say another word. Let's just go to sleep.
- So, listen, Fred, baby...
- No, it's Paul, baby.
- Oh, it is? I thought it was Fred, baby.
- No.
- Answer the question. Is she or isn't she?
- Is she or isn't she what?
- A phoney.
- I don't know. I don't think so.
- You don'think so, huh? Well, you're wrong - she is. On the other hand, you're right, because she's a real phoney. You know why? Because she honestly believes all this phoney junk that she believes in.
- TIMBER!
(drunk woman falls on her face)
Hahaha, this cracks me up every time. This whole party was random and hilarious.
(Holly sings)
Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end
Waitin’ ’round the bend
My huckleberry friend,
Moon river and me
- Hi.
- Hi.
- What you doin'?
- Writing.
- Good.
- I love you, Lula Mae.
- I know you do, and that's just the trouble. It's a mistake you always made, Doc, trying to love a wild thing. You were always lugging home wild things. Once it was a hawk with a broken wing, another time it was a full-grown wildcat with a broken leg...Remember? You mustn't give your heart to a wild thing. The more you do, the stronger they get, until they're strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree, and then to a higher tree, and then to the sky.
...
PLEASE, DOC. PLEASE UNDERSTAND. I LOVE YOU, BUT I'M JUST NOT LULA MAE ANYMORE. I'M NOT.
- You know the terrible thing, Fred, darling? I am still Lula Mae. Fourteen, stealing turkey eggs and running through a briar patch. But now I call it having the mean reds. Well, it's still too early to go to Tiffany's. I guess the next best thing is a drink. Yes, I very much need a drink. Will you buy me one, Fred, darling?
- Sure.
- Do you think she's talented? Deeply and importantly talented?
- No. Amusingly and superficially talented, yes, but deeply and importantly, no.
- Do you know something funny? In spite of the fact these rats fork up $50 for the powder room like little dolls...I find I have $9 less in the old bank account than I had six months ago. So, my darling Fred, I have tonight made a very serious decision.
- And what is that?
- No longer will I play the field.
- Congratulations.
- The field stinks...both economically and socially, and I'm giving it up.
- I do not accept drinks from disapproving gentlemen. Especially not disapproving gentlemen who are kept by other ladies. So take it. You should be used to taking money from ladies by now.
- If I were you, I'd be more careful with my money. Rusty Trawler is too hard a way of earning it.
- It should take you exactly four seconds to cross from here to that door. I'll give you two.
- I'll tell you one thing, Fred, darling. I'd marry you for your money in a minute. Would you marry me for my money?
- In a minute.
- I guess it's pretty lucky neither of us is rich, huh?
- Yeah.
...
- I've got a wonderful idea. We could spend the whole day doing things we've never done before. We'll take turns. First something you've never done, then me. Of course, I can't really think of anything I've never done.
- Well, we could have this engraved, couldn't we? I think it would be very smart.
- This, I take it, was not purchased at Tiffany's?
- No. Actually, it was purchased concurrent with...well, actually, it came inside a, well, a box of Cracker Jack.
- I see. Do they still really have prizes in Cracker Jack boxes?
- Oh, yes.
- That's nice to know. It gives one a feeling of solidarity, almost of continuity with the past, that sort of thing.
- Did you ever steal anything from a 5-and-10? When you were a kid, I mean?
- No. I'm the sensitive, bookish type.
- I do believe love has found Andy Hardy. Let's see...a waitress? A salesgirl? No. She'd have to be someone rich, wouldn't she, Paul? Someone who could help you.
- Curiously enough, she's a girl who can't help anyone, not even herself. Thing is, I can help her, and it's a nice feeling for a change.
- I've taken up knitting.
- So I see. It'll probably look very nice once it's finished.
- Actually, I'm a little nervous about it. José brought up the blueprints for a ranch house he's building. I have a strange feeling that maybe the blueprints and my knitting instructions got switched. I mean, it isn't impossible that I'm knitting a ranch house!
- I thought I'd show off and cook dinner for us. It'll be fun eating in. Did I tell you how divinely and utterly happy I am?
- Yes. You are getting married, then?
- Well, he hasn't really asked me, not in so many words.
- Four, you mean?
- Huh?
- Well, that's how many words it takes. "Will you marry me?"
- Oh, we'll get married, all right, I know we will. And in church and with his family there and everything. And that's why he's waiting till we get to Rio... probably.
(The pot whistles.)
- Do you think it's trying to tell us something?
- I hope you like chicken and saffron rice served with chocolate sauce. It's an east Indian classic, my dear. Three months ago, I couldn't scramble eggs.
(The rice explodes.)
- Are you all right? Golly, darling. I did so want to impress you.
- Look, I'm not much for chicken with sauce, anyway. Why don't we go out somewhere, let me buy you a farewell dinner.
- Oh, I love New York.
- Then why are you leaving? What's in it for you, anyway?
- Look, I know what you're thinking and I don't blame you. I've always thrown out such a jazzy line. But really, except for Doc and yourself, José's my first non-rat romance. Not that he's my idea of the absolute finito. He's too prim and cautious to be my absolute ideal.
QUEL NIGHT.
- Holly, I'm not gonna let you do this.
- You're not gonna let me?
- Holly, I'm in love with you.
- SO WHAT?
- SO WHAT? SO PLENTY! I love you. You belong to me.
- No. People don't belong to people.
- Of course they do.
- I'm not gonna let anyone put me in a cage.
- I don't want to put you in a cage, I want to love you!
- It's the same thing!
- No, it's not! Holly!
- I'm not Holly! I'm not Lula Mae, either. I don't know who I am! I'm like cat here, we're a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other. Stop the cab! What do you think? This ought to be the right kind of place for a tough guy like you - garbage cans, rats galore. (kicks cat out of the cab) Scram! I said take off! Beat it!
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, MISS WHOEVER-YOU-ARE? YOU'RE CHICKEN. YOU'VE GOT NO GUTS. YOU'RE AFRAID TO STICK OUT YOUR CHIN AND SAY, O.K., LIFE'S A FACT. PEOPLE DO FALL IN LOVE. PEOPLE DO BELONG TO EACH OTHER, BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY CHANCE ANYBODY'S GOT FOR REAL HAPPINESS. YOU CALL YOURSELF A FREE SPIRIT, A WILD THING. AND YOU'RE TERRIFIED SOMEBODY'S GOING TO STICK YOU IN A CAGE. WELL, BABY, YOU'RE ALREADY IN THAT CAGE. YOU BUILT IT YOURSELF. AND IT'S NOT BOUNDED IN THE WEST BY TULIP, TEXAS, OR IN THE EAST BY SOMALILAND, IT'S WHEREVER YOU GO. BECAUSE NO MATTER WHERE YOU RUN, YOU JUST END UP RUNNING INTO YOURSELF.
CAT! CAT!...OH, CAT.CAT. (she finds cat)CAT! CAT. HERE. OH, CAT. OH, OH, OH.
Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end
Waitin’ ’round the bend
My huckleberry friend,
Moon river and me
~ THE END ~
Screencaps source.
Goddamn, the dialogue in this film. It makes me giddy with its perfection. I barely managed to sustain from copy/pasting the entire transcript.
- YOU CANNOT GO ON KEEP RINGING MY BELL. YOU DISTURB ME. YOU MUST HAVE A KEY MADE!
- BUT IT WON'T DO ANY GOOD. I'D JUST LOSE THEM ALL.
- POOR OLD CAT. POOR SLOB. POOR SLOB WITHOUT A NAME. WAY I LOOK AT IT, I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO GIVE HIM ONE. WE DON'T BELONG TO EACH OTHER. WE JUST TOOK UP BY THE RIVER ONE DAY. I DON'T WANT TO OWN ANYTHING UNTIL I CAN FIND A PLACE WHERE ME AND THINGS GO TOGETHER. I'M NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS, BUT I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE. IT'S LIKE TIFFANY'S.
...
- You know those days when you get the mean reds?
- The mean reds? You mean, like the blues?
- No. The blues are because you're getting fat or maybe it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly, you're afraid and don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
- Sure.
- When I get it, the only thing that does any good is to jump into a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it. Nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real life place that made me feel like Tiffany's, then...Then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name.
(Holly whistles for a cab.)
- I never could do that.
- It's easy.
...
- You know, you're sweet. You really are. And you look a little like my brother Fred. Do you mind if I call you Fred?
- Not at all.
...
- IT'S USEFUL BEING TOP BANANA IN THE SHOCK DEPARTMENT.
- "Nine Lives" by Paul Varjak. They're stories.
- Nine of them.
- Tell me one.
- They're not the kind of stories you can really tell.
- Too dirty?
- Yeah, I suppose they're dirty, too, but only incidentally. Mainly they're angry, sensitive, intensely felt, and that dirtiest of all dirty words - promising.
...
- Do you mind if I just get in with you for a minute? It's all right. Really, it is. We're friends, that's all. We are friends, aren't we?
- Sure.
- OK, let's don't say another word. Let's just go to sleep.
- So, listen, Fred, baby...
- No, it's Paul, baby.
- Oh, it is? I thought it was Fred, baby.
- No.
- Answer the question. Is she or isn't she?
- Is she or isn't she what?
- A phoney.
- I don't know. I don't think so.
- You don'think so, huh? Well, you're wrong - she is. On the other hand, you're right, because she's a real phoney. You know why? Because she honestly believes all this phoney junk that she believes in.
- TIMBER!
(drunk woman falls on her face)
Hahaha, this cracks me up every time. This whole party was random and hilarious.
(Holly sings)
Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end
Waitin’ ’round the bend
My huckleberry friend,
Moon river and me
- Hi.
- Hi.
- What you doin'?
- Writing.
- Good.
- I love you, Lula Mae.
- I know you do, and that's just the trouble. It's a mistake you always made, Doc, trying to love a wild thing. You were always lugging home wild things. Once it was a hawk with a broken wing, another time it was a full-grown wildcat with a broken leg...Remember? You mustn't give your heart to a wild thing. The more you do, the stronger they get, until they're strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree, and then to a higher tree, and then to the sky.
...
PLEASE, DOC. PLEASE UNDERSTAND. I LOVE YOU, BUT I'M JUST NOT LULA MAE ANYMORE. I'M NOT.
- You know the terrible thing, Fred, darling? I am still Lula Mae. Fourteen, stealing turkey eggs and running through a briar patch. But now I call it having the mean reds. Well, it's still too early to go to Tiffany's. I guess the next best thing is a drink. Yes, I very much need a drink. Will you buy me one, Fred, darling?
- Sure.
- Do you think she's talented? Deeply and importantly talented?
- No. Amusingly and superficially talented, yes, but deeply and importantly, no.
- Do you know something funny? In spite of the fact these rats fork up $50 for the powder room like little dolls...I find I have $9 less in the old bank account than I had six months ago. So, my darling Fred, I have tonight made a very serious decision.
- And what is that?
- No longer will I play the field.
- Congratulations.
- The field stinks...both economically and socially, and I'm giving it up.
- I do not accept drinks from disapproving gentlemen. Especially not disapproving gentlemen who are kept by other ladies. So take it. You should be used to taking money from ladies by now.
- If I were you, I'd be more careful with my money. Rusty Trawler is too hard a way of earning it.
- It should take you exactly four seconds to cross from here to that door. I'll give you two.
- I'll tell you one thing, Fred, darling. I'd marry you for your money in a minute. Would you marry me for my money?
- In a minute.
- I guess it's pretty lucky neither of us is rich, huh?
- Yeah.
...
- I've got a wonderful idea. We could spend the whole day doing things we've never done before. We'll take turns. First something you've never done, then me. Of course, I can't really think of anything I've never done.
- Well, we could have this engraved, couldn't we? I think it would be very smart.
- This, I take it, was not purchased at Tiffany's?
- No. Actually, it was purchased concurrent with...well, actually, it came inside a, well, a box of Cracker Jack.
- I see. Do they still really have prizes in Cracker Jack boxes?
- Oh, yes.
- That's nice to know. It gives one a feeling of solidarity, almost of continuity with the past, that sort of thing.
- Did you ever steal anything from a 5-and-10? When you were a kid, I mean?
- No. I'm the sensitive, bookish type.
- I do believe love has found Andy Hardy. Let's see...a waitress? A salesgirl? No. She'd have to be someone rich, wouldn't she, Paul? Someone who could help you.
- Curiously enough, she's a girl who can't help anyone, not even herself. Thing is, I can help her, and it's a nice feeling for a change.
- I've taken up knitting.
- So I see. It'll probably look very nice once it's finished.
- Actually, I'm a little nervous about it. José brought up the blueprints for a ranch house he's building. I have a strange feeling that maybe the blueprints and my knitting instructions got switched. I mean, it isn't impossible that I'm knitting a ranch house!
- I thought I'd show off and cook dinner for us. It'll be fun eating in. Did I tell you how divinely and utterly happy I am?
- Yes. You are getting married, then?
- Well, he hasn't really asked me, not in so many words.
- Four, you mean?
- Huh?
- Well, that's how many words it takes. "Will you marry me?"
- Oh, we'll get married, all right, I know we will. And in church and with his family there and everything. And that's why he's waiting till we get to Rio... probably.
(The pot whistles.)
- Do you think it's trying to tell us something?
- I hope you like chicken and saffron rice served with chocolate sauce. It's an east Indian classic, my dear. Three months ago, I couldn't scramble eggs.
(The rice explodes.)
- Are you all right? Golly, darling. I did so want to impress you.
- Look, I'm not much for chicken with sauce, anyway. Why don't we go out somewhere, let me buy you a farewell dinner.
- Oh, I love New York.
- Then why are you leaving? What's in it for you, anyway?
- Look, I know what you're thinking and I don't blame you. I've always thrown out such a jazzy line. But really, except for Doc and yourself, José's my first non-rat romance. Not that he's my idea of the absolute finito. He's too prim and cautious to be my absolute ideal.
QUEL NIGHT.
- Holly, I'm not gonna let you do this.
- You're not gonna let me?
- Holly, I'm in love with you.
- SO WHAT?
- SO WHAT? SO PLENTY! I love you. You belong to me.
- No. People don't belong to people.
- Of course they do.
- I'm not gonna let anyone put me in a cage.
- I don't want to put you in a cage, I want to love you!
- It's the same thing!
- No, it's not! Holly!
- I'm not Holly! I'm not Lula Mae, either. I don't know who I am! I'm like cat here, we're a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other. Stop the cab! What do you think? This ought to be the right kind of place for a tough guy like you - garbage cans, rats galore. (kicks cat out of the cab) Scram! I said take off! Beat it!
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, MISS WHOEVER-YOU-ARE? YOU'RE CHICKEN. YOU'VE GOT NO GUTS. YOU'RE AFRAID TO STICK OUT YOUR CHIN AND SAY, O.K., LIFE'S A FACT. PEOPLE DO FALL IN LOVE. PEOPLE DO BELONG TO EACH OTHER, BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY CHANCE ANYBODY'S GOT FOR REAL HAPPINESS. YOU CALL YOURSELF A FREE SPIRIT, A WILD THING. AND YOU'RE TERRIFIED SOMEBODY'S GOING TO STICK YOU IN A CAGE. WELL, BABY, YOU'RE ALREADY IN THAT CAGE. YOU BUILT IT YOURSELF. AND IT'S NOT BOUNDED IN THE WEST BY TULIP, TEXAS, OR IN THE EAST BY SOMALILAND, IT'S WHEREVER YOU GO. BECAUSE NO MATTER WHERE YOU RUN, YOU JUST END UP RUNNING INTO YOURSELF.
CAT! CAT!...OH, CAT.CAT. (she finds cat)CAT! CAT. HERE. OH, CAT. OH, OH, OH.
Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end
Waitin’ ’round the bend
My huckleberry friend,
Moon river and me
~ THE END ~
Screencaps source.