Me or the tornado, shithead - take your pick!
Saving Grace returned last night and that reminded me that I wanted to pimp this show. It is one of my favorites right now and if you're not watching (and you're probably not, it's a bit under the radar), you're missing out big time. So here goes my pitch in form of a picspam with quotes (basically a very detailed pilot play by play).
WATCH IT, KIDS!
And pimp the crap outta this post. There are no caps or quotes available online so I just spent like six hours capping and transcribing this thing. So you know it's damn good cause there aren't many other shows I would do that for.
So pretty and oh so bold
Got a heart full of gold on a lonely road
She said "I don't even think that God can save me"
(Am I) gaining ground
(Am I) losing face
(Have I) lost and found my saving grace
Thankful for the gift my angels gave me
The theme song is amazing.
I'll start with a general introduction to the story and characters.
So. If you know me at all, you know I absolutely LOATHE crime shows. However, this is a whole new breed of crime show. Any description I could give would be inadequate but here it is in a nutshell:
Grace is a cop. She's great at what she does but her personal life is a mess. All she does in her free time is drink, smoke and have sex. Lots and lots of all three, as she is extremely self-destructive. Enter Earl, the so called "last chance angel". He's there to help Grace find the right path of life again.
The main character is Grace Hanadarko (Holly Hunter). She is...Well, let's just put it this way: Grace is the only character on TV that could give Kara Thrace a run for her money. She is fucking wild and out of control, a veritable force of nature. She goes through highest highs and lowest lows. She can kick your ass into next week but she also has the biggest heart. She loves her co-workers, her best friend, her nephew and her dog Gus to pieces. She is simply an incredibly engaging TV character, one you shouldn't pass on getting to know.
Her best friend is Rhetta. She's is the police forensics specialist. She is religious and deeply fascinated by the Earl of it all.
There's Ham, Grace's partner. He's played by Kenneth Johnson, who you'll recognize as Lem from The Shield. Those two are the closest thing to OTP this show will give you and I ADORE them. They're sleeping together, he's cheating on his wife and is in love with Grace. Grace doesn't really wanna hear it. But they're also partners and the sweetest of friends. We've rarely been given a TV couple (or non-couple) who has both insane amounts of chemistry and an incredibly gentle relationship outside of the morally questionable one.
The other two guys are Butch and Bobby. Butch is the pretty one. He also had a thing with Grace. He's an ex football player. He has a mostly playfully competitive vibe with Ham (re: Grace) but it gets a bit more serious and darker now and then. Butch's partner is Bobby who is great and sort of a father figure in all this.
Earl, the angel, is AWESOME.
There's one more important character and that's Leon Cooley. An inmate on death row, Leon is another one of Earl's charges and is strangely connected to Grace through him.
Alright, on to the pilot spam/recap. Excuse the crappiness of the caps. Like I said, there aren't any HQ caps available so I made these from my crappy 350MB .avi episode file.
Saving Grace - Pilot
The first episode opens with Grace and Ham having sex in Grace's bedroom. Ham stops suddenly.
HAM: I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore.
GRACE: What?
HAM: It's wrong, Grace. Look, it's over. It's the last time, I mean it.
GRACE: Dammit, Ham, if it's the last time, can we at least finish?
HAM: I want you to promise me - you swear to me, swear to god we'll never do this again.
GRACE: I don't believe in god but I promise you'll never have mind-blowing sex with me again. Happy?
HAM: You don't feel bad about this at all, do you?
GRACE: I'm not the one who's married.
(Ham leaves.)
Grace is watching news. A little girl's gone missing. There's Gus! Guuuuuuuuus! ♥
Grace goes to the bathroom and casually flashes an old guy neighbor.
Heh.
She then goes to listen to her answering machine messages. They're all from her siblings reminding her she has to be at her mom's on Sunday. She stops all messages except for the one from her nephew Clay.
CLAY: Hi, aunt Grace! Why does a flamingo lift up one leg? Cause if he lifts up the other one, it'd fall over!
GRACE: (laughs and rewinds the message)
Her office calls. She stars to get ready, first rummaging through crap in her living room to find her gun and badge. She leaves the house, waves at the old man she flashed and his wife (LOL).
As she goes to her car (a Hank Moody-style Porsche), we see Earl behind a tree watching her and chewing tobacco.
EARL: (chuckles) This is gonna be hell.
Grace joins Butch and Bobby, they're all investigating the missing girl case.
BOBBY: Neighbors saw a guy driving a black Toyota. This kid drives a dark blue Honda.
GRACE: Easy to get mixed up.
BUTCH: He's supposed to be inside with his farm club. All you gotta do is make the ID and talk to him when he comes out.
GRACE: I say we drag his ass out and scare the snot out of him.
BUTCH: (smirks) Boss says to keep it low key.
GRACE: Aha.
BOBBY: What happened to your partner?
(Ham signals for Grace to come with him.)
HAM: I don't wanna talk about it.
GRACE: Looks like it hurts.
HAM: Nothing I don't deserve.
GRACE: We had sex a couple of times.
HAM: Eight times.
GRACE: We didn't kill anybody, Ham.
Grace spots the suspect and makes sure he notices her badge.
ALVIN: Lord almighty. I ain't ever seen such a pretty gal buying cattle.
GRACE (on her cell, to Ham, re: suspect): Elvis is in the building.
ALVIN: Don't believe I ever seen cowboy boots carrying around a finer ass, either. (puts his cap on her head) Name's Alvin. Alvin Green.
GRACE: Alvin? You're looking at the wrong peace of meat. Buy a cow.
ALVIN: (sits next to her) I'm takin' your advice. I'm gonna buy me this cow. How do you like her?
(He puts his hand on Grace's leg.)
ALVIN: Look at those markings on her side. Kinda looks like Jesus, don't it?
GRACE: (sees the suspect leaving, tells Ham on the phone): He's headed out.
Grace stars to leave but Alvin grabs her and says some more slimy things.
GRACE: Next time you annoy the shit out of some woman, Alvin, remember she might just deck your redneck ass. *DECKS HIM*
Grace and Ham chase after the suspect. Bobby and Butch join them. Finally, Butch stops him by jumping on him. Grace cheers and woohoos from nearby.
Cut to he police station.
GRACE: We impounded the kid's car. Rhetta can see if the carpet fibers match what we got off Maddie's sweater.
YUKON (the boss man): Without a goddamn search warrant?
GRACE: Let's bring in the neighbor, she makes the ID, we get the warrant, car's here, we're ready to go.
YUKON: Bobby, Butch, interview the kid. Ham, fill in the FBI. Rhetta, do not touch his car. Hanadarko, in my office.
YUKON: I just got a call from the chief who just got off the phone with the governor
who had just spoken to the richest cattle man in Oklahoma. You know who that is?
GRACE: No.
YUKON: You just knocked him on his ass.
GRACE: That guy? Shit. Alvin...somethin'.
YUKON: Alvin Green. And you gotta apologize.
GRACE: The guy was a dick.
YUKON: Well, the chief still wants an apology and since Green had to go to Dallas,
you're on the garbage detail until he gets back tomorrow.
GRACE: I'm gonna be cleaning up suicides and ODs while we've got a ten year old little girl missing?
YUKON: Yeah.
GRACE: So I'll call the stupid pig and apologize.
YUKON: (laughs) You gotta do it in person!
GRACE: Are you kidding me?! What about Eddie Austen? What about Maddie?
YUKON: You think I'm happy about this? First decent lead we got and I gotta put you on the bench? Get outta here.
Grace and Ham talk about the case over the phone. They found out the suspect wasn't in school the day Maddie disappeared. Grace knows the coach at that school and wants to go talk to him.
HAM: Just do your penance, we got it covered. And Grace?
GRACE: What?
HAM: Behave yourself.
Grace meets her nephew Clay outside of his school.
CLAY: Hey, aunt Grace! Did you like my flamingo joke?
GRACE: It cracked me up.
CLAY: Got 2nd place in my spelling bee.
GRACE: Way to go, man! Knock, knock.
CLAY: Who's there?
GRACE: Delia.
CLAY: Delia who?
GRACE: I deal ya some cars and we're play poker.
They are cute but their jokes suck, LOL.
CLAY: Coming to my mom's birthday on Sunday?
GRACE: Can't. Gotta work. So which one is she?
CLAY: That's Annabelle.
GRACE: She's really pretty, Clay.
(Annabelle comes over.)
ANNABELLE: Is she a cop?
CLAY: Yeah.
Grace takes them for a ride in a cop car, siren and all.
CLAY: Tell her about the bad guy who stabbed you.
GRACE: I think I gotta tell you about the new pirate movie that's rated ARRRRR.
(The kids laugh. Grace's cell rings.)
GRACE: OK, quiet. This is important police business. (on the phone)
Yeah. You get my message? Meet me at Louie's, 6:30. Sorry, kids, police emergency.
Cut to he the bar. Grace and Rhetta are drinking.
GRACE: You find proof she was in that car, we know we got the right guy.
RHETTA: I'm not touching that car until you get me a warrant.
GRACE: Why are you always so damn ethical?
Grace starts flirting with a guy.
RHETTA: Who's that?
GRACE: Lonnie Tipton. I went out with him a couple of times last year.
RHETTA: Oh yeah, the dentist from Tulsa? The cable guy? You gotta give me more than that!
GRACE: Vegas.
RHETTA: Oh! He's the guy you went to Vegas with?
GRACE. Yeah.
RHETTA: The one who sang Oklahoma while y'all were having sex?
GRACE: (laughing) Yeah. He's the coach at Franklin, knows Eddie Austen.
He comes over to Grace. They hug and annoy Rhetta.
Cut to Grace driving drunk and damn fast. She's all over the place. She runs over a guy and crashes into a traffic sign. She gets out of the car and goes over to the man.
GRACE: Sir? Can you hear me?
(She tries to call for help but her battery is dead.)
GRACE: Shit.
(She looks for his phone and then gives him CPR.)
GRACE: Don't do this to me. You can't do this to me. Come on, breathe! Breathe, dammit!
(The man is dead and she stops.)
GRACE: Dear god. Please, help me.
At that moment, Earl appears behind her.
EARL: I'm Earl. What do you need?
GRACE: I-I gotta call for help.
EARL: Well you just did, Grace. Finally. (spits the gross tobacco juice into a bottle)
GRACE: How do you know my name?
EARL: God sent me.
GRACE: God sent you?
EARL: Yeah.
Grace pulls a gun at him.
GRACE: On your knees, nutcase.
EARL: Oookaaay, here we go.
GRACE: Earl, your name is Earl? Sit your ass down on your knees, Earl. Now!
EARL: I'm gonna have to drag you kickin' and screamin', aren't I?
(His wings come out and there's blinding light.)
Grace and Earl are now standing on a rock that appears to be a part of Grand Canyon. The wind is blowing hard.
EARL: Sorry. Need a hit of god's power, I guess. Here's the deal.
You're headed for hell, Grace, but god's giving you one last chance. Sent me to help you. (laughs)
GRACE (stunned, shocked, confused and all that): Huh?
EARL: I'm not gonna be around all the time. You can't just snap your fingers and expect me to show up.
I'm busy. There's a lot of people going to hell these days. In fact, I gotta be on a golf course
in Florida in a few minutes so we need to wrap this up.
GRACE: Huh?
EARL: Did you hear one word I said?
GRACE: This is some...alcoholic blackout thing.
EARL: You asked for god's help. Remember that, Grace?
Remember killing a man because you were driving like a drunk maniac?
GRACE: Yes.
EARL: You want god's help or not?
The wind starts blowing harder, throwing sand in Grace's face, threatening to knock her over.
Earl extends his hand to her and she takes it. Everything goes quieter.
GRACE: Woah.
EARL: Amazing, isn't it? That's the power of faith. I'm just FedEx delivering the message.
GRACE: It's almost better than sex.
EARL: Grace!
GRACE: What?
EARL: This is your last chance. You willing to turn your life over to god?
Suddenly, Grace is back on that street. There never was an accident.
GRACE: Holy shit.
Grace comes home. She's freaking out and drinking.
GRACE: I've lost my mind, Gus.
There's a knock at the door. It's Ham.
HAM: Donna kicked me out.
He's drunk. Grace doesn't want to let him in. He gets in anyway and is all over Grace.
GRACE: You can't stay here, I wanna be alone.
(He picks her up, which is kind of adorable cause she's so tiny next to him.)
HAM: No, you hate to be alone. What's wrong, baby?
(He starts kissing her.)
GRACE: Do you believe in god?
HAM: What?
GRACE: Do you believe in god?
HAM: Are you serious?
GRACE: Dammit, Ham, yes or no?
HAM: Yes.
She pushes him out the door.
Grace is talking to her brother who is a priest.
JOHN: You are so full of shit.
GRACE. Excuse me?! I'm talking to you as a priest, okay? Not my brother.
JOHN: Does that mean you're coming back to the Church?
GRACE: No!
JOHN: Why not?
GRACE: This is not about the Catholic church! It's about god! And this angel!
And if I'm losing my mind.
JOHN: Are you drunk?
GRACE: Jesus Christ! You've been on my ass my entire life about god!
Now I finally wanna talk about him and you tell me I'm full of shit!
JOHN: You are! An angel named Earl? Who chews tobacco?
GRACE: I swear, Johnny. And it all started this morning. I saw a cow.
With markings on her side that looked just like the face of Jesus.
Crown of thorns, the whole deal.
JOHN: Really?
GRACE: I'm insane, right?
JOHN: Look, if you're asking me if god can perform miracles, the answer is yes.
If you're asking me if god's staging drunk driving accidents and having an angel
take you to the Grand Canyon...I doubt it.
GRACE: Good.
JOHN: Before tonight, when was the last time you prayed? You need to pray, Grace.
Ask for forgiveness. For the desire to lead a life without sin.
GRACE: OK. It must be this case. I just gotta get some sleep.
JOHN: Grace, wait, wait. I wanna give you something but I don't want my teeth kicked in. (LOL) Okay?
(He gives her a Bible.)
Grace is at home, waking up hung over. She knocks a bottle of booze and spills it on the Bible. She takes her off her boot and red sand falls all over the table.
She goes to the scene of the "accident" and finds nothing. She then checks her shirt and finds some blood on a button. She takes it to Rhetta.
GRACE: I need it today, Rhetta. And the red dust analyzed, too.
RHETTA: I can't get to this today.
GRACE: Can you just see if it's blood?
(Rhetta checks.)
GRACE: It's blood.
RHETTA: Is this your shirt?
GRACE: I'll explain everything later. Where's a pen? I need you to see if it's my blood, OK?
RHETTA: No! Not OK, no! Every time you say you'll explain later I end up in trouble. What's going on, Grace?
(Grace cuts her finger to leave Rhetta with a blood sample.)
GRACE: I need a drink first. (kisses Rhetta) Trust me.
Cut to the station. They're watching a tape from a vigil for the missing girl. Eddie, their suspect, is there.
GRACE: Gee. Guilty pervert or concerned citizen? What do you think?
HAM: I think I slept in my car last night, Grace.
GRACE: Why didn't you get a motel room?
(Ham shakes his head and leaves.)
BOBBY: Ham! Looking good.
HAM: You think he'll go for it?
GRACE: Go for what?
BUTCH: Yeah, he's calling the chief.
GRACE. Go for what?!
BOBBY: We wanna put a tail on Eddie Austen 24/7.
YUKON: We're good to go!
GRACE: You need volunteers?
YUKON: You apologized to Alvin Green?
Grace goes to Alvin.
GRACE: I wanna apologize for yesterday.
ALVIN: I accept your apology.
GRACE: Thank you.
(They shake hands.)
ALVIN: But you're gonna have to do more than that if you wanna get your job back.
GRACE: What does that mean?
(He pulls her in.)
ALVIN: It means: pucker up.
(He kisses her and then grabs her boob.)
ALVIN: Oh come on, honey. Loosen up.
GRACE: Get your hand off my breast.
ALVIN: What you gonna do? You gonna sucker punch me again?
(She sucker punches him again. LMAO! And then takes his cow.)
GRACE: Why should my ass be the only one saved?
Grace takes the cow to Rhetta's.
GRACE: Do you see it?
RHETTA: Oh my god.
GRACE. What did I tell ya?
RHETTA: Holy cow.
RHETTA: So, what are you gonna say to Earl the next time you see him?
GRACE: Get the hell outta my dream.
RHETTA: Don't you wanna get a list of questions together? I would.
GRACE: Like what?
RHETTA: Like, is Jesus the son of god? Was he saved by the Holy Spirit? What happens when we die?
GRACE: What's the deal with cramps? It was a dream, Rhetta.
RHETTA: It was a miracle.
(Grace waves to Rhetta's husband and son on a tractor.)
GRACE: Is that safe?
RHETTA: Probably not.
GRACE: Look, I know you go to mass every Sunday and believe but I don't. Even saint Johnny said it didn't happen.
RHETTA: He didn't know about the blood on your shirt.
GRACE: Did you test it?
RHETTA: It's not yours.
GRACE: Is it human blood?
RHETTA: As opposed to divine.
GRACE: I don't know.
RHETTA: Yes, it was normal, human blood.
GRACE: You gotta test the red dust.
RHETTA: Can't you just believe that it happened? Miracles happen all the time! You just have to believe.
(Grace shakes her head.)
GRACE: If there was a god, why would he save my ass last night?
RHETTA: But not in fourth grade from father Patrick Satan Murphy?
GRACE: Or when my sister needed him. Or Maddie Franks.
RHETTA: If I had the answers, I would have given them to you long time ago.
Grace and Ham are sitting in a car, staking out Eddie's house. They're talking about the case. Grace is annoying Ham with her smoking. They see Eddie taking out the trash. He puts something else in the trash can.
GRACE: I'm curious. Are you curious?
She goes to check it out. She takes a flashlight, turns it on and points it at Ham's face a little. He smiles as she leaves. She blows him a kiss. He smiles again and shakes his head a little. Grace finds what she was looking for - it's antidepressants.
HAM: Great, he went off his meds.
GRACE: Yeah. The poor depressed pissed off pedophile murderer asshole.
Grace is at home, taking Gus out.
GRACE: Come on, bighead Gus-head. Go make wee-wee.
(Looks up at the sky and steps in some shit.)
GRACE: God dammit!
Earl appears from behind some bushes.
EARL: You gotta stop cussing, man. What's it gonna take, Grace?
Want another miracle? Want god himself come talk to you?
GRACE: I don't believe in god.
EARL: Well I wouldn't be here if you didn't believe in god.
Pretty soon you're gonna have to admit it.
GRACE: Angels don't chew tobacco.
EARL: I love a good chew.
GRACE: This doesn't make sense!
EARL: Oh but sleepin' with different guys, gettin' drunk every night,
lyin', stealin', usin' people, overall just bein' a major dick
to everybody you meet makes sense?
GRACE: If there's a god, tell him to bring it on. I have a few questions for him.
EARL: Lemme guess. You wanna know why there's evil, betrayal, tragedy and death?
GRACE: Basically, yeah.
EARL: It doesn't work that way.
GRACE: Well then tell me how it works. Angels, heaven, god, death - whole deal.
Explain it to me. Heaven first.
EARL: Well, no pearly gates thing. More like an opening in a clouds.
There's a gospel choir of angels singing you into glory. No throne.
God sits on a monster Harley. Whenever you hear thunder, he's starting that baby up. (starts laughing)
GRACE: Screw you, Earl!
EARL: Wait, look! I'm sorry. It's just, uh, you guys always ask the same questions.
If I give you the answers, there's no room for faith. I'm just here to help you.
GRACE: Then help me find Maddie Franks.
EARL: I can't help you solve crimes, either.
GRACE: What about the blood on my shirt? Whose is it?
EARL: Leon Cooley.
GRACE: Who?
Gus barks and Grace wakes up in her bed fully clothed.
RHETTA: The red dust is not indigenous to Oklahoma and the blood on your
shirt matches an inmate in McAllister state prison.
GRACE: Leon Cooley.
RHETTA: How did you know that?
GRACE: Shit.
Eddie is about to commit suicide.
EDDIE: Do you believe in god?
GRACE: Yeah.
EDDIE: You do?
GRACE: Yeah, I guess.
EDDIE: You're an idiot.
He falls off and dies.
Grace and Butch are searching through Eddie's room. They find child pornography. Grace wants to tell his parents but Butch thinks nothing good can come of it. Yukon agrees.
GRACE: This is bullshit! He confessed! His parents are in denial.
If they see this, if they see he had a problem, maybe I can walk in there
and make them remember something they don't...
YUKON: Go home, detective. Get some sleep.
GRACE: I'm fine!
YUKON: You're not fine, you need sleep. Anything breaks, we'll call you.
I'm ordering you, detective. Go home.
Grace goes home but keeps obsessing over the case.
Ham shows up at her door.
GRACE: We have something?
HAM: I just wanted to see if you're alright.
GRACE: Yes. I'm okay.
HAM: You need to get some sleep.
GRACE: I don't need sleep.
They start having sex but Grace stops. It's not working this time and she starts to break down.
HAM: Grace?
(She's crying.)
GRACE: I should have made him tell me.
HAM: He wasn't gonna tell you.
GRACE: Cause he just tried to mess me up?
HAM: Who?
GRACE: And I went for it like an idiot.
(She punches Ham in the arm and keeps punching. He looks at her worried.)
GRACE: What was all that for? Some kind of test? I flunked, okay?! Strike me dead!
HAM: Grace.
GRACE: He wants to bring me to my knees.
(She goes to give him a blow job.)
HAM: Oh Grace. Wait, wait, stop, stop!
(He pulls her back up.)
HAM: What are you doing?
GRACE: I don't know. I don't know.
HAM (holding her): It's alright. It's alright.
It's morning.
Grace figures out Maddie is in a school that's been shut down. They find the girl alive.
Grace goes to visit Leon Cooley. A guard tells her Leon hasn't been out in 12 years.
GUARD: You investigating a driving accident?
GRACE: Yeah.
GUARD: That's why Leon was here in the first place. He was driving drunk. Killed a woman.
GRACE: I know.
GUARD. Know why his ass is on death row?
GRACE: He murdered a prison guard.
GUARD. He ain't too popular around here.
LEON: I've seen you before.
GRACE: I'm detective Hanadarko.
LEON: You were in my dream the other night. You drive a black Porsche.
You ran me over, bitch. Lucky it was just a dream.
GRACE: You're lucky you're in a cell with brothers instead of redneck skinheads. What else happened in your dream?
LEON: You gave me mouth to mouth resuscitation.
GRACE: Did it work?
LEON: No. Why?
GRACE: I had the same dream.
LEON: Oh shit.
GRACE: Anyone else in your dream?
LEON: After you bust my head open, god cradled me in his arms and carried me
off to heaven. Then I woke up and I was back in this hell hole.
So, why you think you and me are having the same dream?
GRACE: Something we ate?
GRACE: You know a guy named Earl? An angel named Earl?
LEON: Man, that dude is always messin' with me.
That's why he in my damn dream! We got the same last chance angel.
GRACE: Is that what he is?
LEON: He say you have one last chance to get your shit together?
GRACE: How do I get rid of him?
LEON: You can't.
GRACE. How often does he show up?
LEON: Whenever he wants.
GRACE: Every other day, once a week?
LEON: Ain't no rules, man. Except no one else can see him but you
and he knows everything you do.
GRACE: So I'm supposed to what? Change my life, go to church,
be nice to people? This is bullshit!
LEON. State's gonna stick a needle in my arm in two years. Seven months, sixteen days.
I'll be ready. How about you, angel sister?
WATCH IT, KIDS!
And pimp the crap outta this post. There are no caps or quotes available online so I just spent like six hours capping and transcribing this thing. So you know it's damn good cause there aren't many other shows I would do that for.
So pretty and oh so bold
Got a heart full of gold on a lonely road
She said "I don't even think that God can save me"
(Am I) gaining ground
(Am I) losing face
(Have I) lost and found my saving grace
Thankful for the gift my angels gave me
The theme song is amazing.
I'll start with a general introduction to the story and characters.
So. If you know me at all, you know I absolutely LOATHE crime shows. However, this is a whole new breed of crime show. Any description I could give would be inadequate but here it is in a nutshell:
Grace is a cop. She's great at what she does but her personal life is a mess. All she does in her free time is drink, smoke and have sex. Lots and lots of all three, as she is extremely self-destructive. Enter Earl, the so called "last chance angel". He's there to help Grace find the right path of life again.
The main character is Grace Hanadarko (Holly Hunter). She is...Well, let's just put it this way: Grace is the only character on TV that could give Kara Thrace a run for her money. She is fucking wild and out of control, a veritable force of nature. She goes through highest highs and lowest lows. She can kick your ass into next week but she also has the biggest heart. She loves her co-workers, her best friend, her nephew and her dog Gus to pieces. She is simply an incredibly engaging TV character, one you shouldn't pass on getting to know.
Her best friend is Rhetta. She's is the police forensics specialist. She is religious and deeply fascinated by the Earl of it all.
There's Ham, Grace's partner. He's played by Kenneth Johnson, who you'll recognize as Lem from The Shield. Those two are the closest thing to OTP this show will give you and I ADORE them. They're sleeping together, he's cheating on his wife and is in love with Grace. Grace doesn't really wanna hear it. But they're also partners and the sweetest of friends. We've rarely been given a TV couple (or non-couple) who has both insane amounts of chemistry and an incredibly gentle relationship outside of the morally questionable one.
The other two guys are Butch and Bobby. Butch is the pretty one. He also had a thing with Grace. He's an ex football player. He has a mostly playfully competitive vibe with Ham (re: Grace) but it gets a bit more serious and darker now and then. Butch's partner is Bobby who is great and sort of a father figure in all this.
Earl, the angel, is AWESOME.
There's one more important character and that's Leon Cooley. An inmate on death row, Leon is another one of Earl's charges and is strangely connected to Grace through him.
Alright, on to the pilot spam/recap. Excuse the crappiness of the caps. Like I said, there aren't any HQ caps available so I made these from my crappy 350MB .avi episode file.
Saving Grace - Pilot
The first episode opens with Grace and Ham having sex in Grace's bedroom. Ham stops suddenly.
HAM: I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore.
GRACE: What?
HAM: It's wrong, Grace. Look, it's over. It's the last time, I mean it.
GRACE: Dammit, Ham, if it's the last time, can we at least finish?
HAM: I want you to promise me - you swear to me, swear to god we'll never do this again.
GRACE: I don't believe in god but I promise you'll never have mind-blowing sex with me again. Happy?
HAM: You don't feel bad about this at all, do you?
GRACE: I'm not the one who's married.
(Ham leaves.)
Grace is watching news. A little girl's gone missing. There's Gus! Guuuuuuuuus! ♥
Grace goes to the bathroom and casually flashes an old guy neighbor.
Heh.
She then goes to listen to her answering machine messages. They're all from her siblings reminding her she has to be at her mom's on Sunday. She stops all messages except for the one from her nephew Clay.
CLAY: Hi, aunt Grace! Why does a flamingo lift up one leg? Cause if he lifts up the other one, it'd fall over!
GRACE: (laughs and rewinds the message)
Her office calls. She stars to get ready, first rummaging through crap in her living room to find her gun and badge. She leaves the house, waves at the old man she flashed and his wife (LOL).
As she goes to her car (a Hank Moody-style Porsche), we see Earl behind a tree watching her and chewing tobacco.
EARL: (chuckles) This is gonna be hell.
Grace joins Butch and Bobby, they're all investigating the missing girl case.
BOBBY: Neighbors saw a guy driving a black Toyota. This kid drives a dark blue Honda.
GRACE: Easy to get mixed up.
BUTCH: He's supposed to be inside with his farm club. All you gotta do is make the ID and talk to him when he comes out.
GRACE: I say we drag his ass out and scare the snot out of him.
BUTCH: (smirks) Boss says to keep it low key.
GRACE: Aha.
BOBBY: What happened to your partner?
(Ham signals for Grace to come with him.)
HAM: I don't wanna talk about it.
GRACE: Looks like it hurts.
HAM: Nothing I don't deserve.
GRACE: We had sex a couple of times.
HAM: Eight times.
GRACE: We didn't kill anybody, Ham.
Grace spots the suspect and makes sure he notices her badge.
ALVIN: Lord almighty. I ain't ever seen such a pretty gal buying cattle.
GRACE (on her cell, to Ham, re: suspect): Elvis is in the building.
ALVIN: Don't believe I ever seen cowboy boots carrying around a finer ass, either. (puts his cap on her head) Name's Alvin. Alvin Green.
GRACE: Alvin? You're looking at the wrong peace of meat. Buy a cow.
ALVIN: (sits next to her) I'm takin' your advice. I'm gonna buy me this cow. How do you like her?
(He puts his hand on Grace's leg.)
ALVIN: Look at those markings on her side. Kinda looks like Jesus, don't it?
GRACE: (sees the suspect leaving, tells Ham on the phone): He's headed out.
Grace stars to leave but Alvin grabs her and says some more slimy things.
GRACE: Next time you annoy the shit out of some woman, Alvin, remember she might just deck your redneck ass. *DECKS HIM*
Grace and Ham chase after the suspect. Bobby and Butch join them. Finally, Butch stops him by jumping on him. Grace cheers and woohoos from nearby.
Cut to he police station.
GRACE: We impounded the kid's car. Rhetta can see if the carpet fibers match what we got off Maddie's sweater.
YUKON (the boss man): Without a goddamn search warrant?
GRACE: Let's bring in the neighbor, she makes the ID, we get the warrant, car's here, we're ready to go.
YUKON: Bobby, Butch, interview the kid. Ham, fill in the FBI. Rhetta, do not touch his car. Hanadarko, in my office.
YUKON: I just got a call from the chief who just got off the phone with the governor
who had just spoken to the richest cattle man in Oklahoma. You know who that is?
GRACE: No.
YUKON: You just knocked him on his ass.
GRACE: That guy? Shit. Alvin...somethin'.
YUKON: Alvin Green. And you gotta apologize.
GRACE: The guy was a dick.
YUKON: Well, the chief still wants an apology and since Green had to go to Dallas,
you're on the garbage detail until he gets back tomorrow.
GRACE: I'm gonna be cleaning up suicides and ODs while we've got a ten year old little girl missing?
YUKON: Yeah.
GRACE: So I'll call the stupid pig and apologize.
YUKON: (laughs) You gotta do it in person!
GRACE: Are you kidding me?! What about Eddie Austen? What about Maddie?
YUKON: You think I'm happy about this? First decent lead we got and I gotta put you on the bench? Get outta here.
Grace and Ham talk about the case over the phone. They found out the suspect wasn't in school the day Maddie disappeared. Grace knows the coach at that school and wants to go talk to him.
HAM: Just do your penance, we got it covered. And Grace?
GRACE: What?
HAM: Behave yourself.
Grace meets her nephew Clay outside of his school.
CLAY: Hey, aunt Grace! Did you like my flamingo joke?
GRACE: It cracked me up.
CLAY: Got 2nd place in my spelling bee.
GRACE: Way to go, man! Knock, knock.
CLAY: Who's there?
GRACE: Delia.
CLAY: Delia who?
GRACE: I deal ya some cars and we're play poker.
They are cute but their jokes suck, LOL.
CLAY: Coming to my mom's birthday on Sunday?
GRACE: Can't. Gotta work. So which one is she?
CLAY: That's Annabelle.
GRACE: She's really pretty, Clay.
(Annabelle comes over.)
ANNABELLE: Is she a cop?
CLAY: Yeah.
Grace takes them for a ride in a cop car, siren and all.
CLAY: Tell her about the bad guy who stabbed you.
GRACE: I think I gotta tell you about the new pirate movie that's rated ARRRRR.
(The kids laugh. Grace's cell rings.)
GRACE: OK, quiet. This is important police business. (on the phone)
Yeah. You get my message? Meet me at Louie's, 6:30. Sorry, kids, police emergency.
Cut to he the bar. Grace and Rhetta are drinking.
GRACE: You find proof she was in that car, we know we got the right guy.
RHETTA: I'm not touching that car until you get me a warrant.
GRACE: Why are you always so damn ethical?
Grace starts flirting with a guy.
RHETTA: Who's that?
GRACE: Lonnie Tipton. I went out with him a couple of times last year.
RHETTA: Oh yeah, the dentist from Tulsa? The cable guy? You gotta give me more than that!
GRACE: Vegas.
RHETTA: Oh! He's the guy you went to Vegas with?
GRACE. Yeah.
RHETTA: The one who sang Oklahoma while y'all were having sex?
GRACE: (laughing) Yeah. He's the coach at Franklin, knows Eddie Austen.
He comes over to Grace. They hug and annoy Rhetta.
Cut to Grace driving drunk and damn fast. She's all over the place. She runs over a guy and crashes into a traffic sign. She gets out of the car and goes over to the man.
GRACE: Sir? Can you hear me?
(She tries to call for help but her battery is dead.)
GRACE: Shit.
(She looks for his phone and then gives him CPR.)
GRACE: Don't do this to me. You can't do this to me. Come on, breathe! Breathe, dammit!
(The man is dead and she stops.)
GRACE: Dear god. Please, help me.
At that moment, Earl appears behind her.
EARL: I'm Earl. What do you need?
GRACE: I-I gotta call for help.
EARL: Well you just did, Grace. Finally. (spits the gross tobacco juice into a bottle)
GRACE: How do you know my name?
EARL: God sent me.
GRACE: God sent you?
EARL: Yeah.
Grace pulls a gun at him.
GRACE: On your knees, nutcase.
EARL: Oookaaay, here we go.
GRACE: Earl, your name is Earl? Sit your ass down on your knees, Earl. Now!
EARL: I'm gonna have to drag you kickin' and screamin', aren't I?
(His wings come out and there's blinding light.)
Grace and Earl are now standing on a rock that appears to be a part of Grand Canyon. The wind is blowing hard.
EARL: Sorry. Need a hit of god's power, I guess. Here's the deal.
You're headed for hell, Grace, but god's giving you one last chance. Sent me to help you. (laughs)
GRACE (stunned, shocked, confused and all that): Huh?
EARL: I'm not gonna be around all the time. You can't just snap your fingers and expect me to show up.
I'm busy. There's a lot of people going to hell these days. In fact, I gotta be on a golf course
in Florida in a few minutes so we need to wrap this up.
GRACE: Huh?
EARL: Did you hear one word I said?
GRACE: This is some...alcoholic blackout thing.
EARL: You asked for god's help. Remember that, Grace?
Remember killing a man because you were driving like a drunk maniac?
GRACE: Yes.
EARL: You want god's help or not?
The wind starts blowing harder, throwing sand in Grace's face, threatening to knock her over.
Earl extends his hand to her and she takes it. Everything goes quieter.
GRACE: Woah.
EARL: Amazing, isn't it? That's the power of faith. I'm just FedEx delivering the message.
GRACE: It's almost better than sex.
EARL: Grace!
GRACE: What?
EARL: This is your last chance. You willing to turn your life over to god?
Suddenly, Grace is back on that street. There never was an accident.
GRACE: Holy shit.
Grace comes home. She's freaking out and drinking.
GRACE: I've lost my mind, Gus.
There's a knock at the door. It's Ham.
HAM: Donna kicked me out.
He's drunk. Grace doesn't want to let him in. He gets in anyway and is all over Grace.
GRACE: You can't stay here, I wanna be alone.
(He picks her up, which is kind of adorable cause she's so tiny next to him.)
HAM: No, you hate to be alone. What's wrong, baby?
(He starts kissing her.)
GRACE: Do you believe in god?
HAM: What?
GRACE: Do you believe in god?
HAM: Are you serious?
GRACE: Dammit, Ham, yes or no?
HAM: Yes.
She pushes him out the door.
Grace is talking to her brother who is a priest.
JOHN: You are so full of shit.
GRACE. Excuse me?! I'm talking to you as a priest, okay? Not my brother.
JOHN: Does that mean you're coming back to the Church?
GRACE: No!
JOHN: Why not?
GRACE: This is not about the Catholic church! It's about god! And this angel!
And if I'm losing my mind.
JOHN: Are you drunk?
GRACE: Jesus Christ! You've been on my ass my entire life about god!
Now I finally wanna talk about him and you tell me I'm full of shit!
JOHN: You are! An angel named Earl? Who chews tobacco?
GRACE: I swear, Johnny. And it all started this morning. I saw a cow.
With markings on her side that looked just like the face of Jesus.
Crown of thorns, the whole deal.
JOHN: Really?
GRACE: I'm insane, right?
JOHN: Look, if you're asking me if god can perform miracles, the answer is yes.
If you're asking me if god's staging drunk driving accidents and having an angel
take you to the Grand Canyon...I doubt it.
GRACE: Good.
JOHN: Before tonight, when was the last time you prayed? You need to pray, Grace.
Ask for forgiveness. For the desire to lead a life without sin.
GRACE: OK. It must be this case. I just gotta get some sleep.
JOHN: Grace, wait, wait. I wanna give you something but I don't want my teeth kicked in. (LOL) Okay?
(He gives her a Bible.)
Grace is at home, waking up hung over. She knocks a bottle of booze and spills it on the Bible. She takes her off her boot and red sand falls all over the table.
She goes to the scene of the "accident" and finds nothing. She then checks her shirt and finds some blood on a button. She takes it to Rhetta.
GRACE: I need it today, Rhetta. And the red dust analyzed, too.
RHETTA: I can't get to this today.
GRACE: Can you just see if it's blood?
(Rhetta checks.)
GRACE: It's blood.
RHETTA: Is this your shirt?
GRACE: I'll explain everything later. Where's a pen? I need you to see if it's my blood, OK?
RHETTA: No! Not OK, no! Every time you say you'll explain later I end up in trouble. What's going on, Grace?
(Grace cuts her finger to leave Rhetta with a blood sample.)
GRACE: I need a drink first. (kisses Rhetta) Trust me.
Cut to the station. They're watching a tape from a vigil for the missing girl. Eddie, their suspect, is there.
GRACE: Gee. Guilty pervert or concerned citizen? What do you think?
HAM: I think I slept in my car last night, Grace.
GRACE: Why didn't you get a motel room?
(Ham shakes his head and leaves.)
BOBBY: Ham! Looking good.
HAM: You think he'll go for it?
GRACE: Go for what?
BUTCH: Yeah, he's calling the chief.
GRACE. Go for what?!
BOBBY: We wanna put a tail on Eddie Austen 24/7.
YUKON: We're good to go!
GRACE: You need volunteers?
YUKON: You apologized to Alvin Green?
Grace goes to Alvin.
GRACE: I wanna apologize for yesterday.
ALVIN: I accept your apology.
GRACE: Thank you.
(They shake hands.)
ALVIN: But you're gonna have to do more than that if you wanna get your job back.
GRACE: What does that mean?
(He pulls her in.)
ALVIN: It means: pucker up.
(He kisses her and then grabs her boob.)
ALVIN: Oh come on, honey. Loosen up.
GRACE: Get your hand off my breast.
ALVIN: What you gonna do? You gonna sucker punch me again?
(She sucker punches him again. LMAO! And then takes his cow.)
GRACE: Why should my ass be the only one saved?
Grace takes the cow to Rhetta's.
GRACE: Do you see it?
RHETTA: Oh my god.
GRACE. What did I tell ya?
RHETTA: Holy cow.
RHETTA: So, what are you gonna say to Earl the next time you see him?
GRACE: Get the hell outta my dream.
RHETTA: Don't you wanna get a list of questions together? I would.
GRACE: Like what?
RHETTA: Like, is Jesus the son of god? Was he saved by the Holy Spirit? What happens when we die?
GRACE: What's the deal with cramps? It was a dream, Rhetta.
RHETTA: It was a miracle.
(Grace waves to Rhetta's husband and son on a tractor.)
GRACE: Is that safe?
RHETTA: Probably not.
GRACE: Look, I know you go to mass every Sunday and believe but I don't. Even saint Johnny said it didn't happen.
RHETTA: He didn't know about the blood on your shirt.
GRACE: Did you test it?
RHETTA: It's not yours.
GRACE: Is it human blood?
RHETTA: As opposed to divine.
GRACE: I don't know.
RHETTA: Yes, it was normal, human blood.
GRACE: You gotta test the red dust.
RHETTA: Can't you just believe that it happened? Miracles happen all the time! You just have to believe.
(Grace shakes her head.)
GRACE: If there was a god, why would he save my ass last night?
RHETTA: But not in fourth grade from father Patrick Satan Murphy?
GRACE: Or when my sister needed him. Or Maddie Franks.
RHETTA: If I had the answers, I would have given them to you long time ago.
Grace and Ham are sitting in a car, staking out Eddie's house. They're talking about the case. Grace is annoying Ham with her smoking. They see Eddie taking out the trash. He puts something else in the trash can.
GRACE: I'm curious. Are you curious?
She goes to check it out. She takes a flashlight, turns it on and points it at Ham's face a little. He smiles as she leaves. She blows him a kiss. He smiles again and shakes his head a little. Grace finds what she was looking for - it's antidepressants.
HAM: Great, he went off his meds.
GRACE: Yeah. The poor depressed pissed off pedophile murderer asshole.
Grace is at home, taking Gus out.
GRACE: Come on, bighead Gus-head. Go make wee-wee.
(Looks up at the sky and steps in some shit.)
GRACE: God dammit!
Earl appears from behind some bushes.
EARL: You gotta stop cussing, man. What's it gonna take, Grace?
Want another miracle? Want god himself come talk to you?
GRACE: I don't believe in god.
EARL: Well I wouldn't be here if you didn't believe in god.
Pretty soon you're gonna have to admit it.
GRACE: Angels don't chew tobacco.
EARL: I love a good chew.
GRACE: This doesn't make sense!
EARL: Oh but sleepin' with different guys, gettin' drunk every night,
lyin', stealin', usin' people, overall just bein' a major dick
to everybody you meet makes sense?
GRACE: If there's a god, tell him to bring it on. I have a few questions for him.
EARL: Lemme guess. You wanna know why there's evil, betrayal, tragedy and death?
GRACE: Basically, yeah.
EARL: It doesn't work that way.
GRACE: Well then tell me how it works. Angels, heaven, god, death - whole deal.
Explain it to me. Heaven first.
EARL: Well, no pearly gates thing. More like an opening in a clouds.
There's a gospel choir of angels singing you into glory. No throne.
God sits on a monster Harley. Whenever you hear thunder, he's starting that baby up. (starts laughing)
GRACE: Screw you, Earl!
EARL: Wait, look! I'm sorry. It's just, uh, you guys always ask the same questions.
If I give you the answers, there's no room for faith. I'm just here to help you.
GRACE: Then help me find Maddie Franks.
EARL: I can't help you solve crimes, either.
GRACE: What about the blood on my shirt? Whose is it?
EARL: Leon Cooley.
GRACE: Who?
Gus barks and Grace wakes up in her bed fully clothed.
RHETTA: The red dust is not indigenous to Oklahoma and the blood on your
shirt matches an inmate in McAllister state prison.
GRACE: Leon Cooley.
RHETTA: How did you know that?
GRACE: Shit.
Eddie is about to commit suicide.
EDDIE: Do you believe in god?
GRACE: Yeah.
EDDIE: You do?
GRACE: Yeah, I guess.
EDDIE: You're an idiot.
He falls off and dies.
Grace and Butch are searching through Eddie's room. They find child pornography. Grace wants to tell his parents but Butch thinks nothing good can come of it. Yukon agrees.
GRACE: This is bullshit! He confessed! His parents are in denial.
If they see this, if they see he had a problem, maybe I can walk in there
and make them remember something they don't...
YUKON: Go home, detective. Get some sleep.
GRACE: I'm fine!
YUKON: You're not fine, you need sleep. Anything breaks, we'll call you.
I'm ordering you, detective. Go home.
Grace goes home but keeps obsessing over the case.
Ham shows up at her door.
GRACE: We have something?
HAM: I just wanted to see if you're alright.
GRACE: Yes. I'm okay.
HAM: You need to get some sleep.
GRACE: I don't need sleep.
They start having sex but Grace stops. It's not working this time and she starts to break down.
HAM: Grace?
(She's crying.)
GRACE: I should have made him tell me.
HAM: He wasn't gonna tell you.
GRACE: Cause he just tried to mess me up?
HAM: Who?
GRACE: And I went for it like an idiot.
(She punches Ham in the arm and keeps punching. He looks at her worried.)
GRACE: What was all that for? Some kind of test? I flunked, okay?! Strike me dead!
HAM: Grace.
GRACE: He wants to bring me to my knees.
(She goes to give him a blow job.)
HAM: Oh Grace. Wait, wait, stop, stop!
(He pulls her back up.)
HAM: What are you doing?
GRACE: I don't know. I don't know.
HAM (holding her): It's alright. It's alright.
It's morning.
Grace figures out Maddie is in a school that's been shut down. They find the girl alive.
Grace goes to visit Leon Cooley. A guard tells her Leon hasn't been out in 12 years.
GUARD: You investigating a driving accident?
GRACE: Yeah.
GUARD: That's why Leon was here in the first place. He was driving drunk. Killed a woman.
GRACE: I know.
GUARD. Know why his ass is on death row?
GRACE: He murdered a prison guard.
GUARD. He ain't too popular around here.
LEON: I've seen you before.
GRACE: I'm detective Hanadarko.
LEON: You were in my dream the other night. You drive a black Porsche.
You ran me over, bitch. Lucky it was just a dream.
GRACE: You're lucky you're in a cell with brothers instead of redneck skinheads. What else happened in your dream?
LEON: You gave me mouth to mouth resuscitation.
GRACE: Did it work?
LEON: No. Why?
GRACE: I had the same dream.
LEON: Oh shit.
GRACE: Anyone else in your dream?
LEON: After you bust my head open, god cradled me in his arms and carried me
off to heaven. Then I woke up and I was back in this hell hole.
So, why you think you and me are having the same dream?
GRACE: Something we ate?
GRACE: You know a guy named Earl? An angel named Earl?
LEON: Man, that dude is always messin' with me.
That's why he in my damn dream! We got the same last chance angel.
GRACE: Is that what he is?
LEON: He say you have one last chance to get your shit together?
GRACE: How do I get rid of him?
LEON: You can't.
GRACE. How often does he show up?
LEON: Whenever he wants.
GRACE: Every other day, once a week?
LEON: Ain't no rules, man. Except no one else can see him but you
and he knows everything you do.
GRACE: So I'm supposed to what? Change my life, go to church,
be nice to people? This is bullshit!
LEON. State's gonna stick a needle in my arm in two years. Seven months, sixteen days.
I'll be ready. How about you, angel sister?