'Just thought I would ostentatiously advertise this, to make sure EVERYONE knows.
ETA: So I'm cutting this image because I guess most people don't tend to ' Enable Image Placeholders'.
~~~
So. Alright. Why did I advertise this?
~~~
Because I'm sick of keeping my feelings in. And I don't ever want to feel like Ben can treat me however the goddamn hell he wants, just because I love him to death, and just because he is arguably the closest person to me in my life. Our relationship status is a declaration of love. //It. is. NOT. a. declaration. of fascist, unquestionable, ABSOLUTE power.// Now, okay, I consider myself to be a pretty insanely fucking loyal & understanding person, when it comes to those who I trulytrulytruly love. --- NO, you know what? I'm not going to lie. I KNOW I am. To a fucking FAULT, is how loyal I am.
... But I am not going to lie down and die for just ANYTHING he feels he has the power to ask.
// I am NOT going to be one of those women who finds herself ending her domestic violence police reports with, ".... BUT WE WAS REALLY SORRY AFTER." //
* EVER. *
{I refuse.}
~~~
... Because I am a ridiculously, bordering on manic-depressive-caliber emotional, *PASSIONATE* person.
Because I honestly think, in my heart of hearts, as flawed as I am: I try my best to be an outstanding girlfriend. [[Even though I feel sometimes that he may deserve better than me, I know deep down that this is the best person *I* can be, and the best *I* can do. 'Which is what matters. ]]
I recognize that I fall in love with people roughly 1000x harder than most anyone should. & I also recognize that I feel hate roughly 1000x more strongly than a normal person would.
[[ & No, I don't think that makes me 'cool.'
I think it makes me a freak.
& I think that makes my relationships hella difficult.
& I think that's the reason behind me taking half of a certain pill every night at exactly 9:00 p.m.
// But at least I am self-aware. // ]]
~~~~
And, you know what? NO. I'm not going to apologize for this. I don't care if this is humiliation. I don't care if he is my boyfriend. I don't care if you think this makes me a bad girlfriend.
I'm in love with the kid, and probably always will be, at least until the foreseeable future, given my past duration of feelings for people. -- BUT I AM PISSED. OFF., AND I AM NOT GOING TO LAY THE FUCK DOWN AND CENSOR MYSELF BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN DICTATE HOW MY RELATIONSHIPS "WORK."
Besides:
A relationship devoid of *any* fighting, any disagreement, any temporary passionate hate is not a relationship.
& I'm. not. sorry.
// Again: If this disqualifies me from the running of
"The Annual Girlfriend of the Year Award"?,
then so fucking be it. //
~~~
...
{ But I'm not by nature unreasonable. Really. }
...
~~~
~~~
'Not without one hell of a fight, anyway.
... Because I am worth that, and then some. ...
~~~~
Thank you.
~~~
~~~
So. Alright. Why did I advertise this?
~~~
Because I'm sick of keeping my feelings in. And I don't ever want to feel like Ben can treat me however the goddamn hell he wants, just because I love him to death, and just because he is arguably the closest person to me in my life. Our relationship status is a declaration of love. //It. is. NOT. a. declaration. of fascist, unquestionable, ABSOLUTE power.// Now, okay, I consider myself to be a pretty insanely fucking loyal & understanding person, when it comes to those who I trulytrulytruly love. --- NO, you know what? I'm not going to lie. I KNOW I am. To a fucking FAULT, is how loyal I am.
... But I am not going to lie down and die for just ANYTHING he feels he has the power to ask.
// I am NOT going to be one of those women who finds herself ending her domestic violence police reports with, ".... BUT WE WAS REALLY SORRY AFTER." //
* EVER. *
{I refuse.}
~~~
... Because I am a ridiculously, bordering on manic-depressive-caliber emotional, *PASSIONATE* person.
Because I honestly think, in my heart of hearts, as flawed as I am: I try my best to be an outstanding girlfriend. [[Even though I feel sometimes that he may deserve better than me, I know deep down that this is the best person *I* can be, and the best *I* can do. 'Which is what matters. ]]
I recognize that I fall in love with people roughly 1000x harder than most anyone should. & I also recognize that I feel hate roughly 1000x more strongly than a normal person would.
[[ & No, I don't think that makes me 'cool.'
I think it makes me a freak.
& I think that makes my relationships hella difficult.
& I think that's the reason behind me taking half of a certain pill every night at exactly 9:00 p.m.
// But at least I am self-aware. // ]]
~~~~
And, you know what? NO. I'm not going to apologize for this. I don't care if this is humiliation. I don't care if he is my boyfriend. I don't care if you think this makes me a bad girlfriend.
I'm in love with the kid, and probably always will be, at least until the foreseeable future, given my past duration of feelings for people. -- BUT I AM PISSED. OFF., AND I AM NOT GOING TO LAY THE FUCK DOWN AND CENSOR MYSELF BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN DICTATE HOW MY RELATIONSHIPS "WORK."
Besides:
A relationship devoid of *any* fighting, any disagreement, any temporary passionate hate is not a relationship.
& I'm. not. sorry.
// Again: If this disqualifies me from the running of
"The Annual Girlfriend of the Year Award"?,
then so fucking be it. //
~~~
...
{ But I'm not by nature unreasonable. Really. }
...
~~~
- If someone I'm dating wants to call me a bitch because we're in the middle of a heated argument, I suppose I can easily just call them a dick right back, walk away, cool off, come back later, talk it out, and ultimately kiss and make up.
- But if someone I'm with wants to nearly get me killed, then attempt to BLAME IT ON ME ... [[amidst other incidents that have heretofore gone unrevealed, such as taking me away from my huge family Christmas party because he insists on watching football on his HDTV right.now., and screaming such obscenities to me as "Get the fuck out of my car!"]] ... ?
Well then. That is something that I'm NOT going to forgive.
Because that I can forgive.
...
~~~
'Not without one hell of a fight, anyway.
... Because I am worth that, and then some. ...
~~~~
Thank you.
~~~