If ever you were to pick an entry of mine to read, this one would have to be it.
Rules
- Write some second-person statements. Let them be as cathartic, dramatic, or vague as you like. ...Write them entirely in Pig-Latin. Whatever.
- Number them.
- In longer passages, mark the main statement. Or, don't.
- Attain "no particular order."
- Then, let people guess which addresses whom. Screening comments would be a pretty good idea, so as to allow gossipers to, well, gossip. -- (Oh, shut up. You love a little gossip, and everybody knows it.)
~~~
1) If I'm indebted to anyone, in the broad sense, it's you. -- My liveliness (a-ho, double meaning.), my [questionable] sanity, half of my persona, most of my writing style, and the better part of my list of favorite media can all be accredited to you. And generally, I know you know that.
... I missed you. -- (Oh, who am I kidding; you're one of my favorite people in the world; of course I would miss you.)
~~~
2) You have valid reasons to hate me. While I shouldn't have assigned blame to you, in my head, I really did. I know I did.
So. Please accept my apology for scapegoating you like I did. You do&did not deserve so much slighted [if silent] loathing sent your way. -- I never had any valid or reasonable justification for doing the 'sending. -- I apologize for my immaturity, my cattiness, and my all-out-bitchery in dealing with you. It wasn't cool of me, I should be better than that, and I just want to say that I have no resentment or demands for you.
{It's a bit important to me that you see this. So if this non-confrontational little medium isn't the way to get to you, I'll just be more adult about doing it.}
But my message is: I'm not asking for close friendship. But I am asking, please, for your excuse.
~~~
3) It's true: Like anyone else, you have your flaws. & Like anyone else, people have their opinions about you. ... But you are undoubtedly cool by me. I don't have anything deep to say here. I simply like you, and have ever since I actually witnessed your personality firsthand, [and realized that you were nothing like the total bitch I'd prejudged you to be.] -- In addition, well, you've actually been nothing but super nice to me.
So, hey.
I think we get along, and I think that's fabulous. You are quite okay by me, working under you will definitely be cool for me; and, lah. That's all.
~~~
4) You are completely&absolutely beautiful, and I love you without needing to know why. So much of me just wants to hold and protectprotectprotect and educate and cradle and 'happify' and treat and please and protectprotect and swaddle and serenade and teach and hug and kiss and squeeze you. -- Jesus, you are just wonderful, and know that you come from wonderful people. I admit: I'm excited about loving you for the rest of my life, but-- I am dying to have a close bond with you immediately!
...Yet I suppose I should wait until, say, you can actually talk. :)
~~~
5) SENTIMENTAL BS: You shed so much light for me on life, the person I'm not, and the person I'd like to be, without even knowing it. You are *awesome* and beautiful and talented, without really recognizing it. And you've become one of the coolest people I've ever met, without likely realizing it.
TYPICAL LIZ: Holy shit, I adore the hell out of you. As you know, I'm definitely going through withdrawal, and I can't *wait* to see you/(start seeing more of you!) soon soon soon, my dear. <3<3<3
~~~
6) Yes. It is possible for me to venerate you and find you to be a rather spiteful wretch, simultaneously. -- I realize now that:
- I will always respect you. In some way.
- You and your approval do not define me.
I won't be held back. Not at this stage, not by my own flaws, and not by you.
~~~
7) This goes out to two people. ...And you guys will be a bit confused, because I'm willing to bet that most people don't ever group you two together like this. -- But. 'Here goes.
You are both such sweet people, in your own way. And the both of you have been lovely to me. -- One of you is loud and adorable, and the other is more reserved but just-as-adorable when you want to open up. :) To be honest, I'd adore becoming closer to both of you guys this year, if even in a small way. I just think that you're both awesome, talented at what you do, and overall cool.
That tis all. :)
~~~
8) Relief is one really good way to describe this feeling.
I want to thank for your maturity. I want to thank you for being a bigger person than I thought you were. Thank you so much for just... getting me, because, in this instance, I didn't have to end up explaining and clarifying and justifying a million things to you. ... Even though I probably should have. ... Even though I would have had to do just that, with just about anyone else. -- I just appreciate it so much.
"And, just to clear the air:
I ask for forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for.
But-- then again, I guess we know there's blame to share,
and none of it seems to matter anymore."
Thank you for everything in general. 'For making me grow up, especially. -- You really are a good person, and I get that now. I'm so happy to have gotten through that evil passage, to have grown up, to be happy separately, to be alright again, and to have come more-or-less full circle. //
// But I am especially happy...
- to be genuine,
- to be genuinely happy,
- to be genuinely happy for you,
for the first time in too long.
And I just hope we're on the same page.
~~~
9) Oh man. You are thee cutest thing ever. To be honest, I hope to death that we get close (or, at the least, closer) this year. ...Why? 'Because you are awesome, you crack me up, I love everything about talking to you, etc. etc. etc.
[ By the way, I am going to shower you with duet music this year, babe. I'm sorry, but-- I don't think you have a choice. ...<3<3! ]
~~~
10) I definitely need to include you in this because I happen to 'heart' you; (heh, you were the first person I ever knew to use that phrase, by the way. Years ago.) But, well, I don't have anything melodramatic to say to you. <3 I mean, uh, nothing crazy or dramatic has happened!, which I suppose I know is a blessing, but. -- I'm pretty sure that also makes for damn poor livejournaling.
So, yeah. How about, in lieu of some "ohmanIamsodeep"-style comment, a rousing rendition of:
Weeeeeeee got. ...Weeeeeeeeee got. ...Weeeeeeee tot-a-lee got gipped. (ha!)
<3
~~~
11) Aside from being one of the nicest people I've ever met-- you really are so talented. While we aren't close by any means, I know enough to know that I genuinely respect the hell out of you. I respect your musicianship, your politeness, your accomplishments, your general way of handling yourself, and so many other general things. Until recently, really, I never knew got the chance to know that you are one of the few people in this ... field that's true to herself; [but, now that I know, I think it's fucking awesome.] :) I never knew that you were as talented, so selfless, so appreciative. -- Hmm, do you know that you're just a lovely person? You're just a lovely person!
And I was really was pretty psyched to hear about your choice of major. -- In dead seriousness, you are far better cut out for you-know-what than I am, and that genuinely makes me sort of proud and glad and relieved and happy and vaguely liberated, all at the same time; no lie. -- It's being around people like you that reinforces what I really want to do/that encourages me to tough it out. You really don't&didn't have to be so nice to me about things, but you do&are.
Thank you for all of your encouragement, all of your constant politeness and for being a blast to work with. Man, I have more appreciation for you than I know what to do with. So, well. -- I just wanted to try to say a general "Good for you!" and a "Thank you for always being so nice to me," in one. :)
~~~
12) If even for twenty-four damned hours, we are absolutely getting married someday. You honestly have no choice, and I am very not kidding.
Thank you.
~~~
13) So. Again, this goes out to two people. // So! ... It's weird how you can respect and like certain people, without yet genuinely knowing them enough to appreciate them, mm? Or, okay, it is to me. -- I now find you guys to just be awesome. Awesome, awesome. & I love it.
Now. Please do me the favor of sticking around my life or just in my journal, so I can take some advice and (aho, cheesy word) "guidance" from two opinions I value and two skulkers who I happen to deem kickass. Por favor. :*
(Tons of hearts, flowers, and stuff. &Guess who's sending mail. Thaaaaaaat's right.)
~~~
14) Disclaimer: I am going to depict you, now, using stupid phrasal. Please know that it will not even begin to do you justice.
This. ...This is so very progressive. // You make more and more sense to me. Loving you makes more and more sense to me. Whenever I find myself certain that we've hit some kind of summit, this finds itself steadily improving. Whenever I feel as though things are at their most comfortable, they become moreso. Whatever higher being there is, well, is just allowing me 'get luckier and luckier. {And I realize deep down that I don't deserve all this, but still, I take it-- happily and regardless.}
- I mean every word of it, you know, whenever I repeat that you are everything to me. After all, you're my best friend in the world. You are a pillar of support, a 'family member', a pacifier, my own personal bassist, my metaphorical hero, my total school-girl crush, my love, my 'confidante'(meh, how I hate that word.), my obsession, my knight in shining armygear (I kid, love.<3) and the reason I am not *nearly* as independent as I would like to make myself out to be.
- I also mean it, wholeheartedly, when I say I'm undeserving. (And boy, you know those are some strong words coming from my selfish, self-centered mouth.) -- You know, I never would've imagined that 'staying in' and 'being alone' could have ever been as so completely fulfilling as this summer was for me, with you. ...I also never imagined that running around and going out and being places and doing things and seeing people and socializing with family and could feel so wholly *empty* and *pointless*, because I wasn't sharing them with you directly.
- Experiences with you are outstanding and meaningful, and those 'without have the metaphorical volume turned way down.
[ ...How lucky I am that you're not completely sick of me yet. Presumably.] :)
The truth is: I need you and I need us more than I can say, and more than my feminist side ever wants to. -- (I maintain, 'but half-jokingly: Please, please move in.) --
In all honesty, I've forgotten what it was like to *not* be with you. ...We've had this privilege, all season long, of seeing each other just about as often as we've liked, for as long as we've like. And I now worry, 'how I will react when that privilege is taken away. I worry how much longing I'll feel, when I see you at 1:00 pm on an idle Tuesday-- and instead of it marking the beginning of a long&beautiful summer's day together... it becomes the two-second glancehugkiss in a crowded hall of two-minute class changes. Knowing me, I just won't deal well, and I'll miss all the time that bullshit classes and "busywork" assignments take away from our time [that used to be & *should* be spent] together. I'll miss you, and the moments I do see you will be so bittersweet. With a frown, I'll find myself rerouting myself away from your locker, so as to avoid pulling myself away from you yet again. {{You know I detest such juvenile melodrama, but. I admit it: Missing you devastates me.}}
And anyone who reads this will not understand, will not grasp how I am not so much "obsessive&clingy" as I am simply needy of you. ...'How I simply need our fights, and our bickering, and our meals, and our reading, and our music, and our movies, and our TV, and our talks, and our gossip, and our laughter, and our pranks, and our comics, and our geekiness, and our outings, and our freaking Scrabble disasters, and our fountaintalks<3, and our angry debates, and our makings-up, and-- ... god, boy, have I ever told you that there comes a time when words can't BEGIN to verbalize or document *feeling*? (Actually. ...I'm sure I have. I have every year.)
This will end up looking ironic-- but, honestly? You render me so speechless.
You. You are my other, calmer, cleaner, mellower, purer, sharper, stronger, better-adjusted half; and in total honesty, I feel closer to you than I do most anyone in the world. I am more honest and open with you than I have been with anyone, in my short little life thus far. And, (dearlord, all 'feminazism' aside) -- I feel so close to nothing, without you.
... Also, gorgeous? You are twenty blocks and four-minutes-with-traffic away. ... But somehow, it seems, that same old lyric still says it, 'says all of it, for me.
"I need you so much closer."
I know can't tell you what will or won't become of us; ('only that the messiest of endings couldn't mar or invalidate what we have already built.) But, I can share with you this feeling I have that:
Someday, somewhere, someone will ask me an important question of some sort, and my answer? ... Will be you.
I could never forget you if I tried.
~~~