All the Nows in Forever
Title: All the Nows in Forever
Beta:
stella_auri
Character/Pairing: Rose/Ten
Rating: PG
Summary: She's back, but questions and doubts remain.
Disclaimer: Sadly, Doctor Who belongs to the BBC and not me.
Spoilers: Doomsday
Author's Notes: This was written for the Happy Prompts Ficathon at
twdw_ficathon. Prompt #23-Hair Down
It's finally over. Not quite an “everybody lives” victory, but Earth and the universe at large are safe again. He fiddles with the levers and knobs of the console and knows that he should at least feel happy. All he feels is old, confused, and off center. The TARDIS seems crowded and small at the moment. He can't remember the last time this many people were on board. He scans the veritable sea of faces, looking for one in particular. Rose had appeared so suddenly and so unexpectedly that part of him is still not entirely convinced that all of this is not one giant hallucination. It doesn't help that they have not had a single moment to themselves. Their reunion had been cut short by the need to run for their lives.
The time has finally come to put everyone back into their proper places. There is much hugging and crying and promises of next time. He notices that several of the goodbyes to Rose are peppered with whispers and side glances at him. When the last of the goodbyes are said he finds himself alone in the console room, unsure of what to do next. He tinkers with bits of the console and tries to organize his thoughts. Rose is back. Here. With him. A small, persistent voice in the back of his mind reminds him that she is older and has changed since he last knew her. The voice continues by suggesting that she may have outgrown her need for him. There are too many questions that he is afraid to ask or to have answered. He remembers, finally, that she had slipped away to another part of the TARDIS earlier. His need to be near her is powerful, doubts or not.
He wanders into the hallway a little unsure of where to look for her. He decides to start with the room she used when she first began traveling with him. It doesn't seem quite right to call it her room. He hasn't thought of it as her room for a very long time. She hadn't used it since before they...best not to think about that now. The room is empty. Quickly he checks the library and the kitchen, all without success. Finally, he opens the door to the room they shared. The moment the door opens he knows that he has found her. The almost overwhelming scent of her favorite shampoo has spread out from the bathroom and filled the bedroom. He hears the sounds of drawers shutting. It can only be her, but still he finds himself calling out. “Rose?”
“Almost done. Be out in a second. Everyone all sorted and gone?”
“Everyone's back home, or at least where they belong now. I wasn't sure where you had gotten off to. Half expected to find you in your room.” He leans against the door frame and tries to appear nonchalant.
“My room?” She laughs and the sound captivates him. “That room never even crossed my mind. Besides, my shampoo was still in here.” She emerges from the bathroom and the sight of her takes his breath away. Her skin is bright pink from the heat of the shower and her hair is clipped to the top of her head. The thing that captures his attention the most is the simple fact that she is wearing one of his shirts, sleeves rolled neatly up to her elbows. More precisely, she appears to be wearing just his shirt.
“Is that my shirt you're wearing?” He barely manages to choke the words out of his mouth. She blushes and starts to pick at the buttons. She looks back up at him and gives him a sly grin.
“ 's not like I had the chance to pack. Pretty much just got the clothes on my back. I didn't think you'd mind.” Mind? He mentally gives himself a good shake and jerks his eyes away from her. The room is quiet, but the silence shouts of unasked and unanswered questions.
“Are...” you going to stay? He decides he can't start with that question. He tries again. “How...” long are you going to stay with me? He can't ask that question either. He tries yet again. “Where...” do you want to go next? That question dies as well. He opens his mouth again and suddenly Rose is standing right in front of him. She covers his mouth lightly with her hand.
“Maybe questions aren't the right way to start. Maybe we can start with statements. Maybe we can start with 'I'm home to stay.' If you still want me, that is.” The words tumble out of her mouth quickly. He gently removes her hand from his lips. The smile that spreads across his face is so wide that he wonders how his face contains it.
He bounces a few steps across the room and pauses in front of the wardrobe. Rose wears a perplexed expression, apparently this is not the reaction she expected. “Your shampoo is still in our shower.” His hearts thrill at the sound of that pronoun. He flings open the doors of the wardrobe. “All of your things are still here, although you obviously only checked my wardrobe.” He wags a finger at her before pointing to the table next to the bed. “The book we were reading is still there. Bookmark's still in the same spot.”
He turns to look at her. Tears are flowing freely down her cheeks. He bounces back to where she is standing. Gently, he takes her hands in his and places them over his hearts. There is a pause as he considers the enormity of what he is about to say. He's ecstatic and frightened and possibly a bit hungry. Where did he leave that banana? No more squandering precious moments. He takes a deep breath as his hearts take a leap of faith. “No matter what face I wear or how many years pass, you alone inhabit the rooms of my hearts. I love you, Rose Tyler.” She begins to cry in earnest now. He crushes her body to his, whispering words of love and nonsense as sobs shake her. The sobbing quiets eventually and he kisses the tears from her face. “How long are you going to stay with me?” The question pours forth, unbidden.
“Now. I will stay with you now.” He tenses at her words. That is not the answer he had anticipated. His hands drop to his sides and he takes a step back.
“Pardon me?” She smiles at his confusion. This confuses him more. She takes both his hands, entwining his fingers together tightly with hers.
“All my nows. They're yours. That and my love are all I that I can give you.” She draws him closer and looks him in the eye. He sees in her eyes love, passion and so much more. He frees one hand and runs the back of it across her cheek. The hand caresses its way to the clip in her hair and carefully removes it. Her hair tumbles down around her shoulders as he inhales the combined scent of Rose and the flowery shampoo. He kisses her again, letting actions speak the words he would only fumble.
The kiss ends and he fingers the collar of the shirt she is wearing. “Now about my shirt...” Rose takes an unsteady step back from him and smiles archly.
“Are you really still going on about the shirt? Maybe you have a better idea about what I should be wearing.” Before he can answer, he finds the shirt flung over his face. Oh, he has ideas but few, if any, actually involve clothing.
Forever - is composed of Nows -
'Tis not a different time -
Emily Dickinson