I have another rant --so sorry...
I really don't want to offend anyone and I really don't think you are the audience that needs to hear this, but maybe it's time to spread the word. It really is not appropriate to always respond to what people tell you with a story about yourself. It's what we do, I get it, it's part of talking...but, it's not always the best choice.
I get that telling people that G is autistic is not expected and not an easy thing to hear. But, responding with, "I know a cousin/friend/co-worker that has a kid with autism" is sort of a strange response. I know I just threw the person off by saying what I said, but it's a real conversation ender when you bring up someone randomly.
I guess you might be thinking all sorts of things right now and if you think I am a dick for saying anything about this, that is fine. I have had some people say lovely things to me. I have found that a simple - "oh or this must be really hard for you" extremely thoughtful and appropriate. On the other hand, the day I got the dx, I called someone I thought was a friend. She said - this is going to be really hard, but it wasn't out of compassion - it felt like a death sentence.
Anyway, all of this has had me thinking that none of get a proper education on how to respond to death or tragedy or a neurological disorder. I know when I learn about a death, I freeze inside. I start wondering what I am supposed to do? What does the person expect? Do I have to hug them? Do I say "sorry"? Why am I apologizing? I don't pretend to understand. I have had very little death in my life and when I have; I typically only know the person very vaguely. I also would never respond with "I know my friend's dad's cousin once had a death..."
So today, I am writing a LJ PSA. It's not appropriate to respond to autism dx with "I know someone...". The statistics are staggering. We should all know at least 1 person that is on the spectrum and now you know G. And it's ok to say, "I am sorry, this must be really hard for you and your husband." I would appreciate it and I might cry a little, but no one said this was going to be easy.
I get that telling people that G is autistic is not expected and not an easy thing to hear. But, responding with, "I know a cousin/friend/co-worker that has a kid with autism" is sort of a strange response. I know I just threw the person off by saying what I said, but it's a real conversation ender when you bring up someone randomly.
I guess you might be thinking all sorts of things right now and if you think I am a dick for saying anything about this, that is fine. I have had some people say lovely things to me. I have found that a simple - "oh or this must be really hard for you" extremely thoughtful and appropriate. On the other hand, the day I got the dx, I called someone I thought was a friend. She said - this is going to be really hard, but it wasn't out of compassion - it felt like a death sentence.
Anyway, all of this has had me thinking that none of get a proper education on how to respond to death or tragedy or a neurological disorder. I know when I learn about a death, I freeze inside. I start wondering what I am supposed to do? What does the person expect? Do I have to hug them? Do I say "sorry"? Why am I apologizing? I don't pretend to understand. I have had very little death in my life and when I have; I typically only know the person very vaguely. I also would never respond with "I know my friend's dad's cousin once had a death..."
So today, I am writing a LJ PSA. It's not appropriate to respond to autism dx with "I know someone...". The statistics are staggering. We should all know at least 1 person that is on the spectrum and now you know G. And it's ok to say, "I am sorry, this must be really hard for you and your husband." I would appreciate it and I might cry a little, but no one said this was going to be easy.