Oh, my brain
I feel so overwhelmed right now. My final is tomorrow which i think is sortof a catalyst for me worrying about everythign else in my life but my final. My brain works in mysterious ways. It's like.... here's this stressful thing. It puts out the stress vibes but then doesn't focus on the stressful thing. It's weird. I just also have a million other things on my mind. I have an interview for a part time job on Friday but it seems quite involved, like i'd have to attend a few events during the year that are during the week, and I have class so that wouldn't work. But I feel like I don't want to blow this guy off. Bah, I don't know!! And then I applied for a loan, but I have never applied for an alternative loan by myself so I don't know how much I'll need - I just guestimated. And the health insurance for Roosevelt is freakin expensive! I thought one of the benefits of getting it through school would be that it's cheaper, but no. It's $2000/year! It would be cheaper for me to just sign up on my own through blue cross or something. So that was dissapointing. It's kinda hard because I have this plan of working part time, getting loans while going to school and observing, but my parents don't know about it. Partly because I'm an adult and I can do what I want and I think this is a good thing for me, and partly bc they will give me shit about everything and I don' t really want to hear it.
Last night the weirdest thing happened. Matt's roommate Jim won tickets to this XRT party on Friday night and invited Matt because it's Entourage themed. And i think it's cool - good for them. But i suddenly felt totally paralyzed because... what will I do on Friday night? Obviously the weekends are when Matt and I spend the most time together - without school and other things getting in the way. Also, I have been practically living at Matt's because my apartment is empty except for my room and I hate being there. So I sorta freaked out, like what am I supposed to do? Matt's going to be gone, am i just going to sit in his bedroom all night? What would I do if I went home? I could watch movies all day on my 6" tv, but I have no attention span so I would be bored, and plus there's no food there, nothing. I just hate being in between like this because my apartment is no longer my home, and Matt's place isn't mine either. I can't wait until I just have a home again. It has been taking forever!!! I don't know why I get so freaking depressed about one single night. I think it's because I will finish my class tomorrow, and want to celebrate. Plus it's a friday and who wants to spend friday sitting in a ghetto apartment alone? Although I do need to start packing. I could go hang out with my parents. Seriously, this is what it has come to. Mel, etc. will all be in Miami. Then Saturday starting at noon Matt and his roommates are having an air show party, so somehow I have to get back to his apartment. Did I mention I need a car??
There is just so much on my brain!! I can't keep it all straight.
Last night the weirdest thing happened. Matt's roommate Jim won tickets to this XRT party on Friday night and invited Matt because it's Entourage themed. And i think it's cool - good for them. But i suddenly felt totally paralyzed because... what will I do on Friday night? Obviously the weekends are when Matt and I spend the most time together - without school and other things getting in the way. Also, I have been practically living at Matt's because my apartment is empty except for my room and I hate being there. So I sorta freaked out, like what am I supposed to do? Matt's going to be gone, am i just going to sit in his bedroom all night? What would I do if I went home? I could watch movies all day on my 6" tv, but I have no attention span so I would be bored, and plus there's no food there, nothing. I just hate being in between like this because my apartment is no longer my home, and Matt's place isn't mine either. I can't wait until I just have a home again. It has been taking forever!!! I don't know why I get so freaking depressed about one single night. I think it's because I will finish my class tomorrow, and want to celebrate. Plus it's a friday and who wants to spend friday sitting in a ghetto apartment alone? Although I do need to start packing. I could go hang out with my parents. Seriously, this is what it has come to. Mel, etc. will all be in Miami. Then Saturday starting at noon Matt and his roommates are having an air show party, so somehow I have to get back to his apartment. Did I mention I need a car??
There is just so much on my brain!! I can't keep it all straight.