Sisters
For the longest time, I had this idea that the one sister, who is actually my blood sister, had no want or need to connect with me in any way. I thought she was the child my mother wanted, while I was the mistake that was born first. So much so, that she sent me to live with my father and cut me out of her life, with no contact whatsoever. In my mind, she had the child she wanted and I was of now use.
My father made it clear I was an unwelcomed addition in his new life. From the neglect I felt after my half-brother was born, to the serious mental, emotiona, physical, sexual, and psychological abuse he administered to me after he divorced my stepmom, it was obvious my existence wasn't needed.
So, for me, my sister had it made.
This was my thought for over 30 years.
Then, about a week after my wedding, I received a wonderful gift. A beautiful dutch oven from my wedding registry. After the box was opened, I noticed the card:
"Congratulations on your wedding. Love, Sister and Husband."
Sister.
Wow. That blew my mind. In fact, it floored me. Sister? What is she doing contacting me? And why? Those were what I asked my husband. His answer? "Why not ask her?"
Using her name, I send her a friend request on the book of faces. Within a day, she accepted. She sent me her phone number and we decided on a day to call. A couple of days later, she called and, after 2 hours, it was as though we never lost touch. We agreed to meet a week later, bringing our husbands, making it a double date of sorts.
Seeing her was something I never thought would happen. My first thought was how beautiful she was and how handsome her husband was. Not that my husband was anything to laugh at, as he is a very sexy, loving man. Yet, in my warped mind, here I was, comparing her life to mine.
Though, as we talked, there were so many similarities, it's a wonder how we never talked up until that point. Love of wrestling, cooking, traveling, music, and movies made it seemed we were living almost pararell lives. Little did I realize how much they were.
Sister and I met a few weeks later, alone. She has suggested doing so, giving us girl time. I was more than happy to do so, since, as much as I hated to admit it, it felt right talking to her. And, after that dinner, it felt even more right.
Turns out the life I had built for her in my mind was way off. In fact, the similarities were right there.
Her parents, our mother and her stepfather, made her life a living hell. She suffered from emotional abuse, starting from when her brother was born, making it clear our parents were more wanting boys than girls for kids. Though, my brother got everything he wanted, like hers, but, unlike mine, her brother was born a bit slow, so his parents made him feel stupid, so much so that he feels no one will ever like him. The only person who has ever shown empathy and love to him? My sister.
To hear that her life was as hellish as mine almost made me happy. Almost. And what I mean is that the perfect life I had built in my mind for her was no where near the life she actually lived. To hear that, made me feel a bit better about my life, though it does sound cruel thinking that. She completely understood, as it was told to her I wanted nothing to do with them, when, in fact, I really wanted an ally. It was taken away from me. She felt the same, as I told her the truth about my life. She assured me it was nothing I did or anything she did. Our consensus: our parents were too messed up to even think about having kids, but they did anyway, and we were the results. They made mistakes and made us pay for them, with all the abuse we each suffered at their hands. Yet, even through all that, we found a way out, rescuing ourselves, and now living the lives we want. I am a mother and know, because of what happened to me, how NOT to treat my kids. Sister is waiting until she moves to Las Vegas to have kids and, like me, will know what NOT to do as far as how to raise them. We have husbands who understand us and, we've discovered, have bonded because of their love of us and are friends. Soon, I will meet her brother and she will meet my kids. Yes, she's moving later this year, but the fact we found of each other at this point in our lives was exactly what we needed. And fills a void we never realized existed, but now no longer remains.
I finally have my sister back.
My father made it clear I was an unwelcomed addition in his new life. From the neglect I felt after my half-brother was born, to the serious mental, emotiona, physical, sexual, and psychological abuse he administered to me after he divorced my stepmom, it was obvious my existence wasn't needed.
So, for me, my sister had it made.
This was my thought for over 30 years.
Then, about a week after my wedding, I received a wonderful gift. A beautiful dutch oven from my wedding registry. After the box was opened, I noticed the card:
"Congratulations on your wedding. Love, Sister and Husband."
Sister.
Wow. That blew my mind. In fact, it floored me. Sister? What is she doing contacting me? And why? Those were what I asked my husband. His answer? "Why not ask her?"
Using her name, I send her a friend request on the book of faces. Within a day, she accepted. She sent me her phone number and we decided on a day to call. A couple of days later, she called and, after 2 hours, it was as though we never lost touch. We agreed to meet a week later, bringing our husbands, making it a double date of sorts.
Seeing her was something I never thought would happen. My first thought was how beautiful she was and how handsome her husband was. Not that my husband was anything to laugh at, as he is a very sexy, loving man. Yet, in my warped mind, here I was, comparing her life to mine.
Though, as we talked, there were so many similarities, it's a wonder how we never talked up until that point. Love of wrestling, cooking, traveling, music, and movies made it seemed we were living almost pararell lives. Little did I realize how much they were.
Sister and I met a few weeks later, alone. She has suggested doing so, giving us girl time. I was more than happy to do so, since, as much as I hated to admit it, it felt right talking to her. And, after that dinner, it felt even more right.
Turns out the life I had built for her in my mind was way off. In fact, the similarities were right there.
Her parents, our mother and her stepfather, made her life a living hell. She suffered from emotional abuse, starting from when her brother was born, making it clear our parents were more wanting boys than girls for kids. Though, my brother got everything he wanted, like hers, but, unlike mine, her brother was born a bit slow, so his parents made him feel stupid, so much so that he feels no one will ever like him. The only person who has ever shown empathy and love to him? My sister.
To hear that her life was as hellish as mine almost made me happy. Almost. And what I mean is that the perfect life I had built in my mind for her was no where near the life she actually lived. To hear that, made me feel a bit better about my life, though it does sound cruel thinking that. She completely understood, as it was told to her I wanted nothing to do with them, when, in fact, I really wanted an ally. It was taken away from me. She felt the same, as I told her the truth about my life. She assured me it was nothing I did or anything she did. Our consensus: our parents were too messed up to even think about having kids, but they did anyway, and we were the results. They made mistakes and made us pay for them, with all the abuse we each suffered at their hands. Yet, even through all that, we found a way out, rescuing ourselves, and now living the lives we want. I am a mother and know, because of what happened to me, how NOT to treat my kids. Sister is waiting until she moves to Las Vegas to have kids and, like me, will know what NOT to do as far as how to raise them. We have husbands who understand us and, we've discovered, have bonded because of their love of us and are friends. Soon, I will meet her brother and she will meet my kids. Yes, she's moving later this year, but the fact we found of each other at this point in our lives was exactly what we needed. And fills a void we never realized existed, but now no longer remains.
I finally have my sister back.