(no subject)
its really horrible the memory i have. really. so as a result if i wanna get back into this writing thing i need to do it more often so its easier to jog my memory. gotten set the time aside and be motivated to do it. so where i left off...
i dont really remember thurs. but fri me and tim went down to laurens for her bbq birthday thingie. my parents showed up to. got to see jackie. and ALL the batewells. steve actually showed up. never apologized for bailing out on my bday last minute. never said a word. it really bothers me. more and more. just how he acts towards me since joe died. he even flat out told me it was hard to see me or talk to me after he died. i understand u dont know how to deal or support but dont push me away. he was like a brother to me for the longest time but when i needed him the most he backed out. really hurts. and i need to talk to him about it. gonna try to go get dinner with him or a drink because i feel like the more time that passes the worse its gonna get. now i just gotta see if he will chill with me alone. this situation is all to familar to me. the ppl i used to know i no longer know like i did..but i dont really feel like gettin into it because it could be a long drawn out thing...all i know is it comes from both sides..and i have tried but others havent. dont get it. but anyway moving on...i was talkin to eriks gf kelly and she is mad cool. i was friends with her sis in hs my senior year soo yeah. but im happy for him cause shes really good for him and all. but it was a pretty good nite. drank some beers. played some beer pong. talked. had some good food. i grilled when i was drunk. everything was all good. and we stayed over.
on sat got up to leave around 11. came back to my house and i showered and tim napped. i got him up for work and that was that. i was supposed to go to tami and alex's but i was extremely tired and i had the sneezys, headache and eyes burning. so i told tim no and i went to bed instead.
sun i worked 6-11..and i think that was the extent of my day.
mon i worked 6-11...came home and did a bunch of credit card stuff and other stuff that i cant remember. i know i passed out pretty early though. and tami called me that day to let me know she and monica got fired for some stupid ass bullshit. really upsets me because those are really the only 2 ppl i talk to mainly at work. i got tim but i see him a lot outside of work. just really sux. i fucken hate our stupid manager for doing this. only benefit i now get more hours..but only for like 3 weeks bc then i go back to school almost everyday. sux. so i gotta make a better effort to see tami and monica now. since then works been really blah. moral is totally down and i just dont want to be there anymore. and i def got written up that day because i was "showing a trend" of being late...2-3 min that is and one 9min and a call out...wtf...stupid manager.
tues i worked 6-1030 came home and showered and then did pretty much nothing...just relaxed until i had to go to school. got to school and went to my ridiculous class...came back from class and passed out pretty early..such a long day.
wed i got up around 1130 and did hw for a good portion of the day...then i ventured out to the library and financial aid then to class then to financial aid again and then home. timmy came over. and we talked allll nite until 4am...i miss those talks. it was really good to just lay around and chat about our lives.
so thurs i slept til 11..my dad made me breakfast...took a shower..attempted hw..instead did my loan shit. by the time i was done with all that i did some more hw. then chilled wit jenny. we went to the jumbo buffet for my moms bday..comical as always. really wish tim could have came. he is such a staple in my life..i really miss it when he isnt around. so then we went to steve and barrys...holy crap that store is huge. saw a shirt i wanted but they didnt have any..so we went home..had some carvel ice cream cake and watched law and order svu..and i passed out on the couch. i had such a restless nite...i got up around 130. and just tossing and turning. finally at 330 got out of bed and went to the bathroom. came back into bed and just stared at the walls. i was havin really weird dreams too. a lot about joe the past 2 nites..kinda unsettling too. i hate that bc then it affects me all day.
so when i finally did get up this morning (fri) it was around 550...i didnt really sleep between 330 and then. got up made breakfast and then watched tv. went to work 7-12. when i came home i made everyone grilled cheese. and then called my school to see if i was cleared yet which then lead into numerous problems. i really dont wanna get into it..but im payin for tuition out of pocket now. really really frustrating. but my dad said whatever it takes so i can graduate. really meant a lot to me. cause i know he is tight with money. and today even before this happened i realized we have a special bond now that we never had before. really made me feel good inside. i dont know how to describe it but it makes me happy and thats all that matters. but i should be doin my hw now..bc i was gonna take a nap until problems occured and then do my hw...but i wanna do it now so i know it gets done. and then maybe a nap. who knows. and timmy might come over..i really hope he does so we can have a sleep over. i miss him soo much this week. but in 2 weeks i get off and hopefully we can spend quality time together but that depends on a few factors so we'll have to see. but for now its off to hw land.
i dont really remember thurs. but fri me and tim went down to laurens for her bbq birthday thingie. my parents showed up to. got to see jackie. and ALL the batewells. steve actually showed up. never apologized for bailing out on my bday last minute. never said a word. it really bothers me. more and more. just how he acts towards me since joe died. he even flat out told me it was hard to see me or talk to me after he died. i understand u dont know how to deal or support but dont push me away. he was like a brother to me for the longest time but when i needed him the most he backed out. really hurts. and i need to talk to him about it. gonna try to go get dinner with him or a drink because i feel like the more time that passes the worse its gonna get. now i just gotta see if he will chill with me alone. this situation is all to familar to me. the ppl i used to know i no longer know like i did..but i dont really feel like gettin into it because it could be a long drawn out thing...all i know is it comes from both sides..and i have tried but others havent. dont get it. but anyway moving on...i was talkin to eriks gf kelly and she is mad cool. i was friends with her sis in hs my senior year soo yeah. but im happy for him cause shes really good for him and all. but it was a pretty good nite. drank some beers. played some beer pong. talked. had some good food. i grilled when i was drunk. everything was all good. and we stayed over.
on sat got up to leave around 11. came back to my house and i showered and tim napped. i got him up for work and that was that. i was supposed to go to tami and alex's but i was extremely tired and i had the sneezys, headache and eyes burning. so i told tim no and i went to bed instead.
sun i worked 6-11..and i think that was the extent of my day.
mon i worked 6-11...came home and did a bunch of credit card stuff and other stuff that i cant remember. i know i passed out pretty early though. and tami called me that day to let me know she and monica got fired for some stupid ass bullshit. really upsets me because those are really the only 2 ppl i talk to mainly at work. i got tim but i see him a lot outside of work. just really sux. i fucken hate our stupid manager for doing this. only benefit i now get more hours..but only for like 3 weeks bc then i go back to school almost everyday. sux. so i gotta make a better effort to see tami and monica now. since then works been really blah. moral is totally down and i just dont want to be there anymore. and i def got written up that day because i was "showing a trend" of being late...2-3 min that is and one 9min and a call out...wtf...stupid manager.
tues i worked 6-1030 came home and showered and then did pretty much nothing...just relaxed until i had to go to school. got to school and went to my ridiculous class...came back from class and passed out pretty early..such a long day.
wed i got up around 1130 and did hw for a good portion of the day...then i ventured out to the library and financial aid then to class then to financial aid again and then home. timmy came over. and we talked allll nite until 4am...i miss those talks. it was really good to just lay around and chat about our lives.
so thurs i slept til 11..my dad made me breakfast...took a shower..attempted hw..instead did my loan shit. by the time i was done with all that i did some more hw. then chilled wit jenny. we went to the jumbo buffet for my moms bday..comical as always. really wish tim could have came. he is such a staple in my life..i really miss it when he isnt around. so then we went to steve and barrys...holy crap that store is huge. saw a shirt i wanted but they didnt have any..so we went home..had some carvel ice cream cake and watched law and order svu..and i passed out on the couch. i had such a restless nite...i got up around 130. and just tossing and turning. finally at 330 got out of bed and went to the bathroom. came back into bed and just stared at the walls. i was havin really weird dreams too. a lot about joe the past 2 nites..kinda unsettling too. i hate that bc then it affects me all day.
so when i finally did get up this morning (fri) it was around 550...i didnt really sleep between 330 and then. got up made breakfast and then watched tv. went to work 7-12. when i came home i made everyone grilled cheese. and then called my school to see if i was cleared yet which then lead into numerous problems. i really dont wanna get into it..but im payin for tuition out of pocket now. really really frustrating. but my dad said whatever it takes so i can graduate. really meant a lot to me. cause i know he is tight with money. and today even before this happened i realized we have a special bond now that we never had before. really made me feel good inside. i dont know how to describe it but it makes me happy and thats all that matters. but i should be doin my hw now..bc i was gonna take a nap until problems occured and then do my hw...but i wanna do it now so i know it gets done. and then maybe a nap. who knows. and timmy might come over..i really hope he does so we can have a sleep over. i miss him soo much this week. but in 2 weeks i get off and hopefully we can spend quality time together but that depends on a few factors so we'll have to see. but for now its off to hw land.