(no subject)
You are everything I've ever wanted to be. The better, bigger, smarter older brother I've never had. You're the star in every play, and you're that damn beacon of light used to blind people into submission. We bow down to your feet, because you're glorious, and you know that... and sometimes I try to figure out why you thrill me so much, and I begin to wonder if my love for you is simply a different, more polite form of jealousy.
and other times I try to imagine my life without you, and I draw a blank, and I shudder, because that's one of the scariest thoughts I've ever had.
It's because everything about you is honest, and you rise from the water, and you're fearless, and fucking bad ass. I wish I had half the nerve of you, I wish I had a brush of your confidence.
and no, maybe you're not the type to reach out, but if I take a second to reach out to you.. to look into your eye for a split second, to feel your heart-beating wildly, to touch the bottom of your foot.. I receive everything the world has to offer, and it's clear that I'm the one getting the better end of the deal.
and I see your color and vibrancy in blurs of yellow flying down 5th, and in drips of mustard on a pretzel, and in a tangle of the beautiful grays and blacks in your hair. It's in freckles, and hand bags, and white gushes of steam that bloom instantly from the ground.. like elegant lotuses.
and your voice is coarse and loud.. like an old jazz singer who smoked, and sang and drank since the creation of the moon.
And your attitude.. is in the people... people who dot the edges of traffic waiting for a chance to run through your poisonous veins. It's in the dreamers who give up practicality to pursue passion, to live, and love and feel. The rich, the poor, the beautiful, the strange. It shines in the people who didn't run away from a burning building.. they ran into it.
And your soul is unexplainable, I've tried to explain it my whole life, from the first time I remember being strapped in a stroller.. when I tottered around your crisp corners, snaking in between your many obstacles, cowering in your height.. and I've yet to find a way.
Today of all days is a hard day for me. Even though I'm ashamed of it, I rarely look back at the past when if it hurts me, and I don't like to think back to 2001.
And it breaks my heart that someone would ever want to hurt you.
New York New York, one hellllll of a town.
and other times I try to imagine my life without you, and I draw a blank, and I shudder, because that's one of the scariest thoughts I've ever had.
It's because everything about you is honest, and you rise from the water, and you're fearless, and fucking bad ass. I wish I had half the nerve of you, I wish I had a brush of your confidence.
and no, maybe you're not the type to reach out, but if I take a second to reach out to you.. to look into your eye for a split second, to feel your heart-beating wildly, to touch the bottom of your foot.. I receive everything the world has to offer, and it's clear that I'm the one getting the better end of the deal.
and I see your color and vibrancy in blurs of yellow flying down 5th, and in drips of mustard on a pretzel, and in a tangle of the beautiful grays and blacks in your hair. It's in freckles, and hand bags, and white gushes of steam that bloom instantly from the ground.. like elegant lotuses.
and your voice is coarse and loud.. like an old jazz singer who smoked, and sang and drank since the creation of the moon.
And your attitude.. is in the people... people who dot the edges of traffic waiting for a chance to run through your poisonous veins. It's in the dreamers who give up practicality to pursue passion, to live, and love and feel. The rich, the poor, the beautiful, the strange. It shines in the people who didn't run away from a burning building.. they ran into it.
And your soul is unexplainable, I've tried to explain it my whole life, from the first time I remember being strapped in a stroller.. when I tottered around your crisp corners, snaking in between your many obstacles, cowering in your height.. and I've yet to find a way.
Today of all days is a hard day for me. Even though I'm ashamed of it, I rarely look back at the past when if it hurts me, and I don't like to think back to 2001.
And it breaks my heart that someone would ever want to hurt you.
New York New York, one hellllll of a town.