Fic: Nine Notes Later, Part Two
The Key:
Text like this is Harry.
Text like this is Ron.
Text like this is Hermione.
Text like this is Malfoy.
oooo
Tuesday
HERBOLOGY
Guess what?
Leave me alone, Roonil.
Well, just in case you were wondering, I looked at my horoscope today.
I’m serious. I’m trying to concentrate.
And guess what it said? Just guess, Harry.
Hm, how about, “Today you are destined to annoy the hell out of your best mate by passing pointless notes about your horoscope.”
Wrong! I can see why you quit Divination, Harry. Trewlaney’s right-no Seer in you at all.
…
Harry? Aren’t you wondering about my horoscope?
…
Fine, then, I’ll tell you. It said, “Romantic upheaval ahead.” That can only mean one thing, Harry.
Sure, whatever. Damn, what was that about the dragon-eating Venus Flytrap? She doesn’t actually expect us to BREED those, does she?
It means the stars have decreed that I am fated to chuck Lavender.
Merlin, I am never going to pass this N.E.W.T. !
If the stars wish it, then so be it. That’s what I have to say.
Oh, honestly. You two aren’t passing notes AGAIN, are you?
Hark who’s talking. Nobody ever invites you into these things, you just steal the parchment! It’s not as if we begged you to stop paying attention.
I do this for your own good. I think it’s ridiculous how much energy you waste writing these things, and then you complain that you’ve got a hand cramp when it’s time to write your Defense Against the Dark Arts Essay.
Don’t nag me, Hermione. Don’t you want to hear about my horoscope?
No.
It says I have romantic upheaval ahead, which can only mean that-
Ron, if you hadn’t landed yourself two detentions last night, I’m sure you and Lavender would already have been over by now. The stars don’t have a thing to do with it.
Oh, you think you’re so smart. How d’you know I would have ended it, then?
Well, you only obsessed over how Snape and Flitwick were ruining your life, cringed every time you thought you saw Lavender, and then after every cringing session informed Harry and me that if it wasn’t for the detentions, you would get rid of her.
I have really got to stop telling you things.
Yes, nasty habit, that.
And it was completley unfair that Snape only gave ME detention, might I add. Just because he saw me reaching for the parchment…
Harry got detention, too.
Yeah, but not until next week because Snape said he couldn’t trust the pair of us to do actual work if he assigned us double detention.
Well, I think if you want to avoid anymore detentions, you ought to stop writing me notes and pay attention.
Oh my God, I can’t believe Sprout! How are we supposed to do all of this in one period? Blimey, those directions were complicated…good job I took notes on them, or else I’d be finished.
…What directions?!
You took NOTES?
No, seriously! What are we doing?
Harry, you’ll tell us, won’t you?
C’mon, stop looking smug.
I’ve let you copy notes loads of times, Harry Potter, and if you hold out on me the one time I get distracted, I will make you very, very sorry indeed.
Oh, right. What could YOU do to me?
Well, let’s just say I’ll make it perfectly clear to the girl you fancy that you fancy her.
What? Who does Harry fancy?
Nobody, nobody at all. Hermione is delusional.
Oh, I’ve just had a better idea. Ron, after class we’ll need to have a private conversation.
Private? Why?
Well, it’s just that I’m very worried about Ginny lately, and I think it’s best if you know that-
No, no, I already told Ron about the…um…O.W.L. stress she was having, Hermione. You really needn’t worry him again. And here are the notes, I recopied them for you. Let me know if you need anything else!
…what was that all about?
Never you mind. Come on, we better start working.
oooo
POTIONS
Ron, don’t believe anything Hermione tells you.
Does this have to do with the girl you fancy?
I told you I don’t fancy anybody, but Hermione seems to think I do. So, er, just…just don’t pay her any mind, ok?
I like how you tell Hermione things but not me.
I didn’t tell her anything!
Sure. We’ll see about that.
What is that supposed to mean?
To quote dear Hermy, “Never you mind.” Now go read the Prince’s text book. You’re distracting me.
That’s rich, coming from YOU.
oooo
(STILL POTIONS)
Hey, Hermione, what has Harry been telling you?
Nothing he hasn’t told you, I’m sure.
Then how come you have dirt on him?
They’re called EYES, Ron. Use them once in awhile.
And what’s that supposed to mean?
Exactly what it sounds like. It’s so obvious Harry fancies this girl that Gregory Goyle stomped up to me and demanded (very rudely, might I add) to know if they were going out yet. I never thought I’d say it, but poor Goyle. He obviously has something of a crush on her.
EWWWW, poor Goyle?! What about the poor girl he was going to make a move on?
…Who is she?
Who?
Contrived stupidity is not attractive, Hermione.
Don’t use my own line on me, Ronald. Listen, if you want to know who Harry fancies, just ask him yourself.
I already tried it, and it didn’t work!
Then I expect you’ll just have to be clueless, won’t you?
You know what? You and Harry can both stick it where the sun don’t shine.
Lovely colloquialism. Now go back to your potion.
This isn’t the end! I’ll find out who Harry fancies, just you wait and see, Granger!
oooo
(STILL POTIONS)
Oi, Goyle. Normally, I wouldn’t waste time on a Slytherin git like you, but I’m desperate. So tell me: who does Harry fancy?!
It’s hilarious how you think we Slytherins care this much about such trivialities as Gryffindor romance. Go away, Weasleby.
I didn’t pass the note to you, Ferret, I passed it to that great hulking minion next to you. It would do if you learned not to butt into people’s conversations.
Look, just because Goyle wears glasses, it doesn’t mean he can read.
Clever, Malfoy. Really clever. Look, just pretend I never passed this note, and we can get on with our lives. Obviously this was a stupid idea.
Stupid, yes, but it’s not as if I expected anything else. Why are you asking Goyle about Potty’s love life, anyways?
Sod off, Malfoy.
Ooh, now I’m really curious. What’s the matter, Weasley, run out of clever retorts? Oh, wait, what am I saying? You’ve never had any to begin with!
See, that’s the thing. I don’t waste brain cells on shitheads like you.
Ouch, I’m hurt. My heart, it bleeds.
If anyone ever forgot to mention you’re a snarky bastard, let me be the first one to deliver the happy news.
Oh, thanks ever so! And since I doubt anyone who’s met you has forgotten to tell you you’re a poor, stupid, sniveling, poor, thickheaded, poor, blood-traitor with a pumpkin for a head, it wouldn’t be polite for me to disillusion you.
Very original, Malfoy. You get more creative every year, you know that?
Weasley, if you were any kind of interesting, I’d have more to complain about. But as you remain pathetic, and pathetic is neither interesting nor inspiring, I am stuck forever in the land of Your-Father-is-a-Loser-and-You’re-Poor-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!
Ugh, don’t get carried away, Malfoy. You’re not especially fascinating either.
I’m more interesting than you.
Like how? All you do is make fun of people and sneer and brag about your rich father, who, might I add, is locked up in Azkaban for being a stinking Death Eater, while my “loser father” has a job and is a well-respected Ministry department head.
Don’t you dare insult my father, Weasley.
Oh, how valiant! Defending dear old Death Eating Daddy, are we?
Shut UP, Weasley!
Or what, Malfoy? I’m not scared of a cowardly git like you.
Call me a coward, will you? I’ll have you know not all Father’s Ministry connections are completley gone. There are still people, people with loads of power, who are on our side, and I can have them keep an eye on you!
Ooh, I’ m quaking in my boots.
Don’t mess with me, Weasley! I have connections, wealth, and experience your puny little pea brain cannot even fathom. Not to mention, all it takes is a word, and Crabbe and Goyle can land you in the Hospital Wing for another week. Fancy a beating, Weasley?
Gee, Malfoy, you sure are scary and brave. They’ll be singing ballads about you on cold winter nights, I reckon.
You really are sad, Weasley. I have better things to be doing than wasting time writing to you and reading about your musings on who dear Potty fancies and what a meanie I am. Why don’t you go back to him and your little Mudblood girlfriend?
Yeah, well I have better things to be doing than writing to a stupid prat with an arse for a head.
…
AND HERMIONE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND
…
AND DON’T CALL HER A MUDBLOOD!
…
And oh yeah, one more thing. I hate you.
oooo
TRANSFIGURATION
Well, did you find out?
Find out what?
Who Harry fancies, of course.
No.
No?
No.
What happened to, “Just you wait and see, Granger!”?
I really don’t feel like discussing it right now.
Are you two passing notes AGAIN? And Ron, why were you and Malfoy tossing notes back and forth throughout the entirety of last class? Did you even bother to make your potion?
I did it in five minutes; got a bit creative at the end. Maybe it’s all right. Slughorn might give a point for effort.
Somehow, I sincerely doubt that.
Your unwavering support is heartening, Hermione, it truly is.
Stop it.
No, don’t be modest. You sure do know how to make a bloke feel appreciated.
Very subtle, avoiding the main question Ron. I repeat: why were you and Malfoy passing notes? That seems sort of…um, out of character.
He was confirming for me that he’s a ruddy git who deserves to rot in the hole under the rock he crawled out from underneath, that’s all. Nothing special.
Ah, that’s good to know.
Erm, he didn’t happen to mention anything about where he’s been sneaking off to…?
Ugh, Hermione, Harry’s being obsessive about Malfoy again.
That is rather unhealthy, Harry. Perhaps you should see Madam Pomfrey.
I just want to know what he’s up to! It’s not unhealthy!
…oh, my God, Hermione, please tell me it isn’t true!
…You’ve lost me.
Is that who Harry fancies?! MALFOY?!
Wha-
OH MY GOD! HOW COULD I NOT HAVE SEEN IT!
Ron…
THAT’S WHY MALFOY WAS SO EVIL AND SECRETIVE! HE DIDN’T WANT ME TO DISCOVER THE TRUTH-
Ron, please just-
--THE HORRIBLE TRUTH, WHICH IS THAT HE AND HARRY ARE SECRETLY IN LOVE! AGHHHHH!
THAT’S what you were writing to Malfoy about? Who I’m in LOVE with? You prat!
Don’t try to hide it anymore, Harry.
I’m not hiding anything, moron. That you could even suggest…UGH, I am not in love with Malfoy! That’s disgusting! That’s so disgusting I think I might have to go get Madam Pomfrey to Obliviate this particular memory, just so I don’t wake up in the middle of the night screaming my head off from the nightmares it will induce.
Yes, Ron, I assure you. It’s not Malfoy. And I do seem to remember saying it was a GIRL Harry fancies, but I suppose that slightly unimportant detail just slipped your mind, didn’t it?
This is the worst day ever, except possibly for the fact that Harry is not in love with Malfoy, which would have made this my final worst day ever because I would have flung myself off the Astronomy Tower, drowned myself in Black Lake, and then nicked a Time-Turner, gone back in time to the day I was poisioned, and stopped Harry stuffing the bezoar down my throat.
Ok, I think I’m going to take notes on Professor McGonagall’s lecture now.
Don’t think I won’t find out who you fancy, Harry.
Yeah, I think I’ll pay attention as well. This is getting way, way too creepy for my taste.
Because I will. You can’t keep things from me!
Hey! Don’t ignore me!
Fine, I’ll keep writing until you acknowledge me.
Prat. How can you not tell me who you fancy?
That’s low, mate. Really low.
…
Ok, then. Be that way. See if I care. Because I don’t. And I won’t sulk for the rest of the day, either.
Bugger. I still haven’t chucked my unwanted girlfriend, I just had a lengthy conversation with Malfoy, and my best mate won’t even tell me who he has a crush on.
My life is rubbish.
-
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