in which there is a poll and I ramble about my Cuban identity crisis
So, I've been having some thoughts lately on race and ethnicity, and I was curious to hear back from all of you.
Poll Race and ethnicity!
It's only recently that I realized that I'm part Latina.
I know that sounds so weird, but I honestly just never knew. It's not like my parents and I had long, drawn-out conversations about ethnicity: racially, I'm white. I am so white that I have never been able to tan--only burn bright red and freckle horribly. Only two things betray anything about my Latin roots: my dark, crazy curly hair and my name, Alejandra. My grandmother on my mom's side, Mita, is Cuban, and came to America when she was seventeen, years before Castro took power. She fell in love with an American man, and that was that. The rest of her relatives managed to get to the US, too, and thanks to this, I'm have a very large, inter-connected extended family. Lots of random second and third cousins once removed, people screaming at me in Spanish, and delicious food.
The point is, nobody ever sat me down and was like, "Honey, you're Latina." Latina/o is kind of a taboo word in my Mita's house, anyway. She's always very quick to stress that she is Cuban. White, Latina? Nope. Cuban. Picture the dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding as a sweet old Cuban grandmother, and you've got Mita. Seriously, she will try to tell you how she can take a word, any word, and tell you how it is Cuban. She will lecture you on Cuban cuisine and how much better it is than any other cuisine on this planet. It's great, really.
I realized that I was considered Latina when I was about seventeen and applying for college. My guidance counselor insisted I needed to check it on my applications--after all, with a name like Ally-jandra, I had to be ethnic, right? Colleges love ethnic. It was a bit crude, but it got the point across. I did my research, and what do you know? Even little old only 1/4th Cuban me qualified. I still feel kind of weird checking it, like I'm pretending or lying or something. I'm still not sure how I wasn't really aware of this before. I mean, I got a lot of flack for being named Alejandra when I was a kid. At first, it was just because in a white-bread Colorado town, my name was weird. Then, as the kids got older and smarter (or stupider, maybe), and I got taller and my hair got crazier,it got nastier. When I moved to Louisiana, I was quick to introduce myself as Alex to anyone and everyone, lest I wanted people to stare blatantly. In Upstate New York, people demanded to know if I was Mexican. My friend Andy, who was Brazillian but looked Mexican, was lucky enough to be pelted with balls of paper and told to get the hell back across the border and quit stealing their parents' jobs. It boggles the mind.
Recently, I've encountered people having, "WHOA ETHNIC!" moments with me when I tell them my name. One guy a few weeks back asked my name, and when I told him, actually stared at me, like, "..." before asking what I was. I had to bite my tongue to avoid answering, "Um, human?"
It's just...strange. I've never experienced blatant, hateful racism the way some people I know have, and I'm not about to say I understand what it's like, but I can identify, in some ways, with being othered for such simple, basic things. I have never understood focus on skin color or name or origin--it's always like, what does that have to do with who a person is?
Part of me longs to know more about Cuba; I'd really like to visit there some day. I also have Polish, English, Spanish, Black Irish, and Scots-Irish roots, but Cuba has always interested me the most, I think because of Mita and my name. Most of my cousins have names like Leigh, Adam, Luke, Nicole, Katie--I'm the only "second generation" kid with a Spanish name. Maybe it's just made me more aware or something, I don't know. Mita has also always been extremely close to me, and I learned Spanish in school for her, really. She tells me stories about her home, about acclimating to the United States, learning how to speak English, how hard it was to convince her traditional uncle to let her marry my Papa. She helps me feel connected to a culture I've largely defined by Christmas gatherings--through food and garbled Spanglish and smiling, distant family members. I cling to the last dregs of my Spanish so that I'll always have some part of it with me.
I still struggle with the question of my ethnicity and what it's supposed to mean. I don't really know how comfortable I am with it, and I've certainly wondered if I even have a right to lay claim to it. Right now, I'm curious about the experiences y'all have had, what you think about race/ethnicity, and the way it's treated in your country, by your family, your friends--whatever. I know this can be a sensitive topic, but I feel like that's no reason not to discuss it and hear what everyone has to say.
Poll Race and ethnicity!
It's only recently that I realized that I'm part Latina.
I know that sounds so weird, but I honestly just never knew. It's not like my parents and I had long, drawn-out conversations about ethnicity: racially, I'm white. I am so white that I have never been able to tan--only burn bright red and freckle horribly. Only two things betray anything about my Latin roots: my dark, crazy curly hair and my name, Alejandra. My grandmother on my mom's side, Mita, is Cuban, and came to America when she was seventeen, years before Castro took power. She fell in love with an American man, and that was that. The rest of her relatives managed to get to the US, too, and thanks to this, I'm have a very large, inter-connected extended family. Lots of random second and third cousins once removed, people screaming at me in Spanish, and delicious food.
The point is, nobody ever sat me down and was like, "Honey, you're Latina." Latina/o is kind of a taboo word in my Mita's house, anyway. She's always very quick to stress that she is Cuban. White, Latina? Nope. Cuban. Picture the dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding as a sweet old Cuban grandmother, and you've got Mita. Seriously, she will try to tell you how she can take a word, any word, and tell you how it is Cuban. She will lecture you on Cuban cuisine and how much better it is than any other cuisine on this planet. It's great, really.
I realized that I was considered Latina when I was about seventeen and applying for college. My guidance counselor insisted I needed to check it on my applications--after all, with a name like Ally-jandra, I had to be ethnic, right? Colleges love ethnic. It was a bit crude, but it got the point across. I did my research, and what do you know? Even little old only 1/4th Cuban me qualified. I still feel kind of weird checking it, like I'm pretending or lying or something. I'm still not sure how I wasn't really aware of this before. I mean, I got a lot of flack for being named Alejandra when I was a kid. At first, it was just because in a white-bread Colorado town, my name was weird. Then, as the kids got older and smarter (or stupider, maybe), and I got taller and my hair got crazier,it got nastier. When I moved to Louisiana, I was quick to introduce myself as Alex to anyone and everyone, lest I wanted people to stare blatantly. In Upstate New York, people demanded to know if I was Mexican. My friend Andy, who was Brazillian but looked Mexican, was lucky enough to be pelted with balls of paper and told to get the hell back across the border and quit stealing their parents' jobs. It boggles the mind.
Recently, I've encountered people having, "WHOA ETHNIC!" moments with me when I tell them my name. One guy a few weeks back asked my name, and when I told him, actually stared at me, like, "..." before asking what I was. I had to bite my tongue to avoid answering, "Um, human?"
It's just...strange. I've never experienced blatant, hateful racism the way some people I know have, and I'm not about to say I understand what it's like, but I can identify, in some ways, with being othered for such simple, basic things. I have never understood focus on skin color or name or origin--it's always like, what does that have to do with who a person is?
Part of me longs to know more about Cuba; I'd really like to visit there some day. I also have Polish, English, Spanish, Black Irish, and Scots-Irish roots, but Cuba has always interested me the most, I think because of Mita and my name. Most of my cousins have names like Leigh, Adam, Luke, Nicole, Katie--I'm the only "second generation" kid with a Spanish name. Maybe it's just made me more aware or something, I don't know. Mita has also always been extremely close to me, and I learned Spanish in school for her, really. She tells me stories about her home, about acclimating to the United States, learning how to speak English, how hard it was to convince her traditional uncle to let her marry my Papa. She helps me feel connected to a culture I've largely defined by Christmas gatherings--through food and garbled Spanglish and smiling, distant family members. I cling to the last dregs of my Spanish so that I'll always have some part of it with me.
I still struggle with the question of my ethnicity and what it's supposed to mean. I don't really know how comfortable I am with it, and I've certainly wondered if I even have a right to lay claim to it. Right now, I'm curious about the experiences y'all have had, what you think about race/ethnicity, and the way it's treated in your country, by your family, your friends--whatever. I know this can be a sensitive topic, but I feel like that's no reason not to discuss it and hear what everyone has to say.