TV Trouble
You ever wonder if maybe you watch too much TV? Not because of all the filth there is in hollywood, because let's face it, it's only an accurate example of the world around us. But because sometimes the things you're not willing to face often appear right before you, and before you have the time to grab the remote and change the channel, they've just ripped your heart right open and laid to bare your inner thoughts and feelings that you just didn't want to deal with. Television can be so cruel, so heartless, and yet so entertaining. Of course, then again the trivialization of real world problems on the silver screen often helps cope with many issues we find ourselves unable to. And, if the situation arises in real life, you can add in some entertaining dialogue that fits for the moment. Such as, after dinner I complimented Jen on her esquisit cooking skills by saying, "dinner was great! It was like a lap-dance on my tastebuds." That was from the Simpsons, fyi. Excuse my lack in taste, however I'm still just a kid, so I get an automatic 'get out of saying something stupid by being young' pass. Don't judge me, you had one too!
More and more as I look around me, I see my peers choosing to walk down paths that if I had written the script of our lives, I probably would have chosen differently. I guess we all like to look at the world around us and see the people that we know as pawns on a chess set. Of course, not our pawns, because we've lost all our pawns, and now we're the only one left scurrying around the board trying to survive knowing full well that you're useless against opposition with a completely inefficient forward-diagonal attack and as soon as someone catches up or aligns themselves horizontally, diagonally, vertically or in a sort of twisted 'l' shape we're completely done for. Our only hope is to make it for the other side of the board so we can become a queen and rule all. hahahahhaha! Oh wait, I was supposed to make a point in that... this conversation needed a save point about two paragraphs back. Ok... backtracking.... right, control. So we watch the people we know mess up so much, and it gives you sort of that uplifting "ha, well as least I'm not as screwed up as them" for a brief moment until you realize that, yes in fact you are as screwed up as them, and then you think of possible things you could do to change yourself to then not be like them. Isn't that the basis of bettering one's self? Find someone like or better than you, and find a way to top them. Then again you could be a joiner, but with every desiscion there comes the consiquence, and when I think of that word it always brings along with it this sense of forboding, like it'd be a bad thing. But consiqenses aren't always bad, they just are. It depends on how you choose to view the situation. And for every descision there are two parts, the action and the effect. So you have to decide which you value more, the road leading to the result, or the result itself, unless you can get both the way you want them. Example, if you choose to skateboard, you might have alot of fun but wipe out in the end and get a nasty cut which will puss and bleed for weeks. Of course then you could get a wicked scar and tell tall tales about how you rescued this child from an oncoming car or someone broke into your house and stole a valuable family heirloom and you see the culprit running out of the house and you leap from your second story window, through the glass onto the vile burlar and break his spine in two places so not only will he spend the rest of his days locked up in maximum security away from the population as a whole which is doing society a benefit other than sinking our tax dollars into keeping him fed, but he will be doing it immobile, and then you get the chicks. So the key to owning your circumstances is living with the bad as long as you get what you wanted out of it. And don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about doing right, or doing wrong, I'm just summing up actions as a whole. And you might say well if you make the right choice, both the path and the result are good, that's not nessisarilly the case. Could you say that you did one perfect selfless act ever? Or in the end was there something you got out of it, even if it is that warm fuzzy feeling inside. So then we understand each other. Hey, I'll admit it too, I'll climb down off this soapbox and mingle with the rest of everyone and say that even when I'm getting up in front of the kids Sunday morning to preach the word of God in a silly pirate costume, I find it fun. But do I do it for me, or the Big Man upstairs? Well of course not for me, becacuse if acting was such a big deal for me I'd join a... acting... thing. You know, like a drama club. But with money. Oh, hollywood! I wonder if they're hiring...
Geez, for someone who didn't plan on writing today, I sure had alot of nonesense to write. I was reading in this magazine I found in our church mailbox about blogging, and how they say it could be a good thing unless it becomes an addiction. So I spend alot of time on this stupid thing, in my defence that journalist spends alot of time writing articles about things like blogging, and the only difference is he gets payed for it. So if I got payed for this, would it then be excusible as a hinderance to social intereaction and no longer an addiction? Would that be like hiring a heroin junkie to try out a new safer type of injectible drug, thus excusing his or her choices? Don't you love that if nobody is arguing with you, you can always feel like you've made a valid argument and you therefore won the conversation? Of course, I can't ever beat my boss in an argument, so this is almost like candy to me. It's either agree with him or stay quiet, he'll get the last word one way or another. And there's nothing wrong with that, it'd be like saying that Pastor Greg is a control freak because at the end of the sermon he gets to close and doesn't ask the audience to sum up his sermon for him. See again how I'm right because I'm only talking to myself and at the moment I'm not in disagreement with myself?
It's odd, because as I watch everyone in my personal bubble go on with their lives and make choices which don't affect me, I want nothing more than to be affected. As if something that their doing will actually matter to me at some point down the road. Like with friends moving away, or picking a different carrer, these things don't matter in the way that it'll change my life. But if that's how I feel, then am I unsatisfied with my current circumstances? Am I just doing the nine to five and putting up with everything because I'm scared of really feeling what it's like to care about something enough that if it changed it would regester to me in a significant way? Was this the feeling that I was missing in my relationship? I feel like I'm beginning to find the pieces of the puzzle, but still can't find box so I know what the picture is suppsed to be. And before you tell me that's a bad analogy because part of the journy is finding out the picture to your life, honestly having something to go with is alot easier than running blindly into everything.
I've been having this long talk with a buddy, about alot of things that we've been going through. It's really neat to talk with him about it, because he's the exact opposite of me when it comes to that stuff, and I find I have alot in common with him after all. I think that that was just what the doctor ordered... the anxiety in my chest has subsided, and I can sleep easy tonight. I defenetly don't give him enough credit sometimes. Heck, the only other guy who I can talk to and be open with tries to get down my pants. Which is so very wrong... nooo...
More and more as I look around me, I see my peers choosing to walk down paths that if I had written the script of our lives, I probably would have chosen differently. I guess we all like to look at the world around us and see the people that we know as pawns on a chess set. Of course, not our pawns, because we've lost all our pawns, and now we're the only one left scurrying around the board trying to survive knowing full well that you're useless against opposition with a completely inefficient forward-diagonal attack and as soon as someone catches up or aligns themselves horizontally, diagonally, vertically or in a sort of twisted 'l' shape we're completely done for. Our only hope is to make it for the other side of the board so we can become a queen and rule all. hahahahhaha! Oh wait, I was supposed to make a point in that... this conversation needed a save point about two paragraphs back. Ok... backtracking.... right, control. So we watch the people we know mess up so much, and it gives you sort of that uplifting "ha, well as least I'm not as screwed up as them" for a brief moment until you realize that, yes in fact you are as screwed up as them, and then you think of possible things you could do to change yourself to then not be like them. Isn't that the basis of bettering one's self? Find someone like or better than you, and find a way to top them. Then again you could be a joiner, but with every desiscion there comes the consiquence, and when I think of that word it always brings along with it this sense of forboding, like it'd be a bad thing. But consiqenses aren't always bad, they just are. It depends on how you choose to view the situation. And for every descision there are two parts, the action and the effect. So you have to decide which you value more, the road leading to the result, or the result itself, unless you can get both the way you want them. Example, if you choose to skateboard, you might have alot of fun but wipe out in the end and get a nasty cut which will puss and bleed for weeks. Of course then you could get a wicked scar and tell tall tales about how you rescued this child from an oncoming car or someone broke into your house and stole a valuable family heirloom and you see the culprit running out of the house and you leap from your second story window, through the glass onto the vile burlar and break his spine in two places so not only will he spend the rest of his days locked up in maximum security away from the population as a whole which is doing society a benefit other than sinking our tax dollars into keeping him fed, but he will be doing it immobile, and then you get the chicks. So the key to owning your circumstances is living with the bad as long as you get what you wanted out of it. And don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about doing right, or doing wrong, I'm just summing up actions as a whole. And you might say well if you make the right choice, both the path and the result are good, that's not nessisarilly the case. Could you say that you did one perfect selfless act ever? Or in the end was there something you got out of it, even if it is that warm fuzzy feeling inside. So then we understand each other. Hey, I'll admit it too, I'll climb down off this soapbox and mingle with the rest of everyone and say that even when I'm getting up in front of the kids Sunday morning to preach the word of God in a silly pirate costume, I find it fun. But do I do it for me, or the Big Man upstairs? Well of course not for me, becacuse if acting was such a big deal for me I'd join a... acting... thing. You know, like a drama club. But with money. Oh, hollywood! I wonder if they're hiring...
Geez, for someone who didn't plan on writing today, I sure had alot of nonesense to write. I was reading in this magazine I found in our church mailbox about blogging, and how they say it could be a good thing unless it becomes an addiction. So I spend alot of time on this stupid thing, in my defence that journalist spends alot of time writing articles about things like blogging, and the only difference is he gets payed for it. So if I got payed for this, would it then be excusible as a hinderance to social intereaction and no longer an addiction? Would that be like hiring a heroin junkie to try out a new safer type of injectible drug, thus excusing his or her choices? Don't you love that if nobody is arguing with you, you can always feel like you've made a valid argument and you therefore won the conversation? Of course, I can't ever beat my boss in an argument, so this is almost like candy to me. It's either agree with him or stay quiet, he'll get the last word one way or another. And there's nothing wrong with that, it'd be like saying that Pastor Greg is a control freak because at the end of the sermon he gets to close and doesn't ask the audience to sum up his sermon for him. See again how I'm right because I'm only talking to myself and at the moment I'm not in disagreement with myself?
It's odd, because as I watch everyone in my personal bubble go on with their lives and make choices which don't affect me, I want nothing more than to be affected. As if something that their doing will actually matter to me at some point down the road. Like with friends moving away, or picking a different carrer, these things don't matter in the way that it'll change my life. But if that's how I feel, then am I unsatisfied with my current circumstances? Am I just doing the nine to five and putting up with everything because I'm scared of really feeling what it's like to care about something enough that if it changed it would regester to me in a significant way? Was this the feeling that I was missing in my relationship? I feel like I'm beginning to find the pieces of the puzzle, but still can't find box so I know what the picture is suppsed to be. And before you tell me that's a bad analogy because part of the journy is finding out the picture to your life, honestly having something to go with is alot easier than running blindly into everything.
I've been having this long talk with a buddy, about alot of things that we've been going through. It's really neat to talk with him about it, because he's the exact opposite of me when it comes to that stuff, and I find I have alot in common with him after all. I think that that was just what the doctor ordered... the anxiety in my chest has subsided, and I can sleep easy tonight. I defenetly don't give him enough credit sometimes. Heck, the only other guy who I can talk to and be open with tries to get down my pants. Which is so very wrong... nooo...