You Must Be The End Of Me
Summary- Josh gets angry sometimes, but he has George. In the cruelest way, he has him
Word count-1100
He's
just too soft.
That's
what Josh'll tell you if you ask him.
He's
just protective sometimes.
That's
what George'll tell you if you ask him.
George
knows that Josh never means to hurt him, he just gets a little rough
sometimes. Josh has a short temper, is all but George has learned how
to avoid it.
Kind
of.
Days
are longer now, more tiring too. The competition is narrowing down
which means they have to work harder. None of the boys have a problem
with this, they understand you have to work to get where they hope to
go. It's just that.. Josh doesn't handle it well. The stress, the
attention, late nights and early mornings. He doesn't know how to let
go of all that and relax per say. He can't figure it out.
When
he can't figure something out he gets flustered.
When
he gets flustered, he gets irritable.
When
he gets irritable, he gets angry.
When
he gets angry, he takes it out on George.
+
The
boys always knew that Josh and George had something special. A
connection that was quite frankly, more than friendship, even if they
didn't know it yet. The simple touches were more than what they let
on to, and Jaymi was the first to notice it. He didn't say anything
about it, but he certainly was the least surprised when they showed
the relationship to the boys.
“We're
in love.” Josh said, the pair holding hands.
And
that was that.
+
Josh's
room is hot in the afternoon wind after their Daybreak interview.
George walks in to see clothes a mess on the floor, bed mussed up and
a confused looking Josh sitting on the edge with his head in his
hands. He's had a hard day, George knew. The entire time during the
interview he'd been on edge.
“Josh?”
A reply didn't come fast enough so George joined him on the bed.
“Did
I tell you to do that?” His voice is a whisper, filled with malice.
George
feels small now, the look in his boyfriend's eyes petrifying. He's
seen the look before, the look of fire ablaze among blue. George
lowers his head a bit and turns his eyes away, afraid of making a
wrong move, of letting Josh see the hurt on his face.
“No.
I'm sorry I was just-”
“Then
why did you do it!” The voice is loud and George thinks he should
keep his tone down before someone gets suspicious and comes in.
They'll be mad at Josh for yelling, and George doesn't want that. He
isn't do anything wrong by getting mad, some people just don't
understand.
“I'm
sorry.” George speaks out, head still down.”I just came to see
what was wrong..acting weird. Doing the interview, you were.”
George
doesn't know why he's scared or upset or hurt. He figures he'd be
used to it by now. It had started small. A touch here, a hair fix
here, maybe even a Josh encouraging him to use the 'Gosh' term when
they could. Then it got more-- George hates to say controlling but
that's just it. He would make George come in his room at night and
kick JJ out, try to keep George as close as possible without being
obvious during performances, he even went so far as to pick out
George's outfit when they went out and give him specific ideas to
pass to Jamie for his hair. George thought it was cute at first,
having a protective boyfriend at first. But...but then the
suggestions turned into commands, the commands fell into screams,
then the screams found their way into blows. Punches, slaps, pinches
anything Josh could manage at the time.
George
doesn't blame him.
He's
helping me. He tells himself.
He's helping me be better for him.
“Pick
your head up.” George doesn't budge, thoughts of what might happen
clouding the world around him. “Look at me!” Josh picks up
George's face with a hard pull to his chin. George promises himself
not to cry. He knows what happens when he does, it only makes it
worse.
“I'm
sorry, Josh.”
“Stop
saying you're fucking sorry!” His voice is lower this time, but no
softer. The words seem hissed through closed teeth. He says things
like worthless, you're
nothing, a fucking idiot as he
slams George into the soft mattress.
“I
just meant...I'm trying Josh. Really I am.” He struggles to
maintain eye contact while Josh holds his face in his rough hands,
hips on his as Josh straddles him.
Josh's
face softens. A split
second change that seems impossible. “Well, try harder babe. Try
harder. You have to.” His tone is sweeter, and his voice level
lower.
“I will.” George promises.
Josh removes his hands from George's small face and trails down to his
arms. It's a barely there touch, and George loves it. He bathes in
it. The feeling of being savored in such a general way.
The
bliss is short lived, as Josh uses his hands to squeeze each of
George's biceps to the point of stinging pain.
“You
mean it?” George's eyes start to water and Josh bites his nails
down as if to say ' go on, I dare you'.
A
meek “yes” falls from his lips. Breathy as he forces tears down
his throat.
Josh
falls down next to him on the plush white sheets with a smile.
“Good.”
He whispers into a kiss on George's cheek. “I love you, you know?”
“Yes.”
And George does know. He knows he deserves this. He's never been
afraid to learn, to give and not get, to sacrifice his body to please
others.
Especially
Josh. He fell for Josh like snow and even though Josh can be as cold
as that himself, George doesn't budge. He doesn't complain. He
remembers. He remembers his lovers likes and dislikes, the way he
himself should act to keep him happy. This doesn't bother him in the
slightest.
Josh
works his arm behind George's head and he knows he's alright for a
while. The bruise will fade(and new ones will appear, but George
doesn't like to think about that) and he's alright right now and
he'll be alright in a day, in a week, in three months, in a year.
He'll take whatever Josh decides to give. He knows no other way now.
It's
terrifying.
You
must be the end of me. George
thinks, as he lays his head on Josh's chest. But that's
okay
Word count-1100
He's
just too soft.
That's
what Josh'll tell you if you ask him.
He's
just protective sometimes.
That's
what George'll tell you if you ask him.
George
knows that Josh never means to hurt him, he just gets a little rough
sometimes. Josh has a short temper, is all but George has learned how
to avoid it.
Kind
of.
Days
are longer now, more tiring too. The competition is narrowing down
which means they have to work harder. None of the boys have a problem
with this, they understand you have to work to get where they hope to
go. It's just that.. Josh doesn't handle it well. The stress, the
attention, late nights and early mornings. He doesn't know how to let
go of all that and relax per say. He can't figure it out.
When
he can't figure something out he gets flustered.
When
he gets flustered, he gets irritable.
When
he gets irritable, he gets angry.
When
he gets angry, he takes it out on George.
+
The
boys always knew that Josh and George had something special. A
connection that was quite frankly, more than friendship, even if they
didn't know it yet. The simple touches were more than what they let
on to, and Jaymi was the first to notice it. He didn't say anything
about it, but he certainly was the least surprised when they showed
the relationship to the boys.
“We're
in love.” Josh said, the pair holding hands.
And
that was that.
+
Josh's
room is hot in the afternoon wind after their Daybreak interview.
George walks in to see clothes a mess on the floor, bed mussed up and
a confused looking Josh sitting on the edge with his head in his
hands. He's had a hard day, George knew. The entire time during the
interview he'd been on edge.
“Josh?”
A reply didn't come fast enough so George joined him on the bed.
“Did
I tell you to do that?” His voice is a whisper, filled with malice.
George
feels small now, the look in his boyfriend's eyes petrifying. He's
seen the look before, the look of fire ablaze among blue. George
lowers his head a bit and turns his eyes away, afraid of making a
wrong move, of letting Josh see the hurt on his face.
“No.
I'm sorry I was just-”
“Then
why did you do it!” The voice is loud and George thinks he should
keep his tone down before someone gets suspicious and comes in.
They'll be mad at Josh for yelling, and George doesn't want that. He
isn't do anything wrong by getting mad, some people just don't
understand.
“I'm
sorry.” George speaks out, head still down.”I just came to see
what was wrong..acting weird. Doing the interview, you were.”
George
doesn't know why he's scared or upset or hurt. He figures he'd be
used to it by now. It had started small. A touch here, a hair fix
here, maybe even a Josh encouraging him to use the 'Gosh' term when
they could. Then it got more-- George hates to say controlling but
that's just it. He would make George come in his room at night and
kick JJ out, try to keep George as close as possible without being
obvious during performances, he even went so far as to pick out
George's outfit when they went out and give him specific ideas to
pass to Jamie for his hair. George thought it was cute at first,
having a protective boyfriend at first. But...but then the
suggestions turned into commands, the commands fell into screams,
then the screams found their way into blows. Punches, slaps, pinches
anything Josh could manage at the time.
George
doesn't blame him.
He's
helping me. He tells himself.
He's helping me be better for him.
“Pick
your head up.” George doesn't budge, thoughts of what might happen
clouding the world around him. “Look at me!” Josh picks up
George's face with a hard pull to his chin. George promises himself
not to cry. He knows what happens when he does, it only makes it
worse.
“I'm
sorry, Josh.”
“Stop
saying you're fucking sorry!” His voice is lower this time, but no
softer. The words seem hissed through closed teeth. He says things
like worthless, you're
nothing, a fucking idiot as he
slams George into the soft mattress.
“I
just meant...I'm trying Josh. Really I am.” He struggles to
maintain eye contact while Josh holds his face in his rough hands,
hips on his as Josh straddles him.
Josh's
face softens. A split
second change that seems impossible. “Well, try harder babe. Try
harder. You have to.” His tone is sweeter, and his voice level
lower.
“I will.” George promises.
Josh removes his hands from George's small face and trails down to his
arms. It's a barely there touch, and George loves it. He bathes in
it. The feeling of being savored in such a general way.
The
bliss is short lived, as Josh uses his hands to squeeze each of
George's biceps to the point of stinging pain.
“You
mean it?” George's eyes start to water and Josh bites his nails
down as if to say ' go on, I dare you'.
A
meek “yes” falls from his lips. Breathy as he forces tears down
his throat.
Josh
falls down next to him on the plush white sheets with a smile.
“Good.”
He whispers into a kiss on George's cheek. “I love you, you know?”
“Yes.”
And George does know. He knows he deserves this. He's never been
afraid to learn, to give and not get, to sacrifice his body to please
others.
Especially
Josh. He fell for Josh like snow and even though Josh can be as cold
as that himself, George doesn't budge. He doesn't complain. He
remembers. He remembers his lovers likes and dislikes, the way he
himself should act to keep him happy. This doesn't bother him in the
slightest.
Josh
works his arm behind George's head and he knows he's alright for a
while. The bruise will fade(and new ones will appear, but George
doesn't like to think about that) and he's alright right now and
he'll be alright in a day, in a week, in three months, in a year.
He'll take whatever Josh decides to give. He knows no other way now.
It's
terrifying.
You
must be the end of me. George
thinks, as he lays his head on Josh's chest. But that's
okay