(no subject)
A Kiss is Nothing When it's Not From You.
Rating- PG15
Summary- That's what happens when two young fools fall in love over texts and soft songs and note paper found under grandmother's staircase. It can only end nicely.
Word Count- 2,500+
Harry and Louis, have been harryandlouis for a long time. No one's sure how it originated-whatever 'it' is- but it happened. It may have been through the long hours after school in the bungalow Harry's step-dad owned, or it might have started the day Louis admitted he was nervous to kiss his first girlfriend so Harry let him practice with him, but many(including Louis) say it was the moment they were separated. The pair had never been away from each other for more than a weeks time consecutively, and Louis was moving for forever. To Doncaster of all places!
“I'll miss you Harry.”
“I'll miss you more, Louis. I promise I will. I'll miss you enough for the entire town.”
“Won't be that hard honestly...”
“Louis, don't be daft. Everyone loves having you here.”
“I love you so much Harry. You wouldn't believe.”
“I love you too. You're my best friend.”
The bed they lay on is familiar, soft and comforting. This is the last time. Harry thinks. This is the last time he'll be able to tell his best friend about the new girl Jessica that sits behind him and winks when he turns around(and how uncomfortable it makes him), the last time Louis can complain about Stan and the rest of the football team, the very last time they'll both lay on this bed with one another. No intention, no prayers, no small-term goals, just the two of them.
“Louis?”
“Yeah Haz?”
“You'll write me, yeah? You'll write and you'll call or text, hell you get a pigeon if need be, won't you?”
“I will. I swear I will. You won't have to worry.”
Harry and Louis say their last goodbyes, light tears that neither of them mention dancing in their eyes. They hug for a long time before Jay has to break them free from one another. It's hard to do, mind you. Harry says goodbye to Lottie and the rest of the girls, and it's hard. So so hard, and he thinks he might explode from all the tears bottled up inside of him.
The small car that Louis's family can't afford drives off slowly in Harry's eyes, as if the sheer force of his want holds it back. But alas, it does leave. It gets far away into the mid-afternoon air that Harry can see it no longer. He stays outside for a long time after that. He walks around the house with a freshly placed 'FOR SALE' sign in the front yard, he visits the meadow behind the house that once resided his best friend and sits. He breathes in and out, refusing to cry. He's never had many friends, he's never had much to care about and now the one person who fills those blanks is gone.
But. But he'll write. And I'll write back. Then we'll be okay. We'll be okay.
-
It's almost here. It's almost fucking here and Louis can't stand it. His birthday should be happy, Christmas should be happy, right?
December 18, 2012
Dear Harry,
Hi Harry. Well, this is me writing. Oh , this is Louis by the way. In case you didn't know or just. Yeah. I'm sorry I haven't called. Or texted. I had to get a new number, since we've moved and all. I couldn't remember the house one of yours, as I never used it you see. And your mobile is off. I miss you Harry. It's been less than a week, but I miss you so much. My birthday is coming soon. And Christmas! You always loved Christmas. Remember when we were younger, just a few years back and you got your hand stuck in the tree? Your mum had to cut off a piece with yard scissors and everything, Harry. Do you remember? I remember. But yeah, I miss you tons. This new school is bollocks. They have girls in one class and boys in another and the boys only get to see the girls at eating time. My step-dad bought me new trainers. The blue and red ones you wanted. I was thinking about sending them to you instead, thought you'd appreciate 'em more than me. Haz, I know I'm saying this an awful lot, but I really do miss you. Do you miss me back, you promised you would.
Your best friend forever,
Louis.
Harry receives the letter two days later. It makes his eyes water a bit, but he won't tell Louis that. The paper Louis's used intrigues him. It feels, comforting. It feels like Louis sewn another piece of himself and given a sample to Harry.
December 20, 2012
Dear Lou,
Hey Louis! I just got your letter. I would tell you my new number, but you kind of have it now since my mum called yours yesterday. No matter, how goes it in Doncaster? I heard the weather is shite, was I right? I miss you too Louis, I promised I would. I don't think I could have avoided missing you if I tried. The class misses you too, even Stan. Can you imagine? I do remember that actually Louis, me being a complete arse, but for future reference can we leave my embarrassing childhood moments out of this, thanks. I'm sorry that you don't like your new school. I want you to like everything you do. You don't have to send the trainers Louis, you wanted them too. I'll be alright. I would like to tell you about here though. You remember that one time when I mentioned that I didn't fancy girls as much? But I wasn't sure yeah? Well, I'm sure now. I don't think girls are my thing. I know you always wanted me to find a great looking bird like you did, but I can't. Hope I didn't let you down Louis. I love you and I miss you and I wish you were here.
P.S What kind of paper is this?
A reply takes a while, but Harry can't complain. The three day times span is filled with texts from Louis, and Skype with the girls, three six hour phone calls from Louis, and song suggestions from Louis that make Harry happier than they should. He can't help it, though. Especially not when the excitement in Louis voice rang through the phone as he told Harry about this new song he found called “Bones” by Lewis Watson.
“We have similar names! How cool is that Harry? He's so cool. Talented lad too.” Louis sighs a bit at the end, and Harry can sense the drop in his shoulders. Louis has never been a confident person, especially when it comes to his singing voice. He's perfect, even more perfect than perfect but he won't believe that.
“You're talented too Boo-bear. I love it when you sing.”
“I'm nothing compared to you.”
“Don't say that! You're lovely Lou. In every single way imaginable.”
“Whatever, Haz.”
Harry steers away from the topic, not wanting to make Louis upset. He wants Louis happy, always.
“I got your letter today.”
“Did you like it?” Harry nods happily before realizing that Louis can't see. He states with a smile hid friend is sure to here a simple,
“Of course. Loved it. The paper part was interesting.”
“I'm glad. I really am. Oh and the note paper? Yeah, just something I found when we visited Gran's house.”
“You really don't mind that I fancy blokes?”
“No Harry. I told you I don't. Can we talk about something else?”
“If you don't mind why can't we talk about it?”
“Because if we talk about it, you'll get upset.”
“Why would I get upset, Louis? Is there something you'd say that would make me upset.”
“Harry....”
“Alright, alright.”
There's a light silence, filled with unspoken thoughts that no one is brave enough to voice.
“It's your birthday tomorrow. You excited? Only fourty-five minutes away now.”
“ Yeah. I'm so excited! I'll be able to visit next week too. I'm sorry we couldn't come today though.”
“It's alright Lou. I might, just might be able to forgive you if you do me a favor.”
“Lay it on me, Styles.”
“Sing me to sleep Louis. It can be The Fray or Ed Sheeran, Lewis Watson I don't care. Sing me to sleep, please.”
And that's just what he did.
-
Christmas is shitty. Far shittier than the one Christmas where Harry's hand got stuck in the tree. It's missing...well everything. It's missing Louis, since Louis is missing so is the window clings, since the window clings are missing so are the lights that go around them, since their aren't lights around the window, they can't use the extra to wrap around the tree. It's all wrong. Everything is wrong without Louis. It gets better though.
Harry gets a surprise picture message from Louis of their tree and it looks just as bad if not worse.
“This is what happens when you're not here to help” It says under the picture. It makes Harry smile, partly because of the perfect grammar but mostly because it makes him feel like Louis is just as helpless as he is. It's a little sadistic, he decides, but true. If Louis had been able to maintain his sanity without Harry, well Harry would just about fall apart. But from Louis texts, and phone calls, and notes he's just as wrecked as Harry is.
December 27,2012
Dear Boo,
So we talked about me fancying lads remember? And how you didn't mind? I'm glad you said that, cause now I can tell you something. Don't let Miss Jay read this note okay. It's special, between me and you and me and you only. Okay. You know Nick right? He's about two years older than me. So you probably know him. Well. Me and Nick, are like. We're not together! Don't think that! You were thinking it weren't you? I know you were. But that's not true, but it might be true. He D'Med me on twitter. I forgot to tell you I have a twitter now. It's just my name with an underscore in between my first and last. No matter, but yeah he wrote me! He's right fit. And anyway, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him and we've texted and he told me he thought that I looked nice. So I told him I thought he looked nice too then we talked about fruit. Do you think he likes me? I hope he likes me. I like him.
P.S Thank you for the trainers even though I told you to keep them. Xxxx
P.P.S I learned a new song. It's called Forrest Gump by an American artist named Frank Ocean. I think it fits me at the moment. He likes boys too fyi.
Harry doesn't exactly like Nick as much as he's putting on, but Louis doesn't need to know that. He just needs to notice that Harry's serious about blokes and all. And maybe, that he wants Louis to be serious about him one day. But Louis doesn't need to know he thinks like that.
-
Louis has been having....feelings. Feelings low in his stomach and at the base of his spine. It's not as if these are new to him, he's had them with a lot of girls, to many to count really. It's not the feelings that are weird, it's who the feelings are caused by. Harry.
He doesn't know when it happens(okay maybe he does) or what caused it to happen(even though he kind of does) but he can't stop thinking about him. And not the usual thoughts he has about Harry. Now it's sex. Just sex.
He can't get the thought of Harry's lips red and swollen after a long heated kiss. His long pale torso stretched out along the mattress as Louis touches him in private places. The sounds he'd make if Louis mouth were between his legs. How high his back would arch once Louis fills him completely. He wonders if Harry would beg him to go faster, harder, deeper until he could do nothing but feel. The way his face would fall as orgasm is fucked out of him.
He just can't get the thought out.
December 30,2012
Dear Harry,
I'm sorry we couldn't come this week. My birthday was terrible without you. I'm happy for you and Nick. Don't let him touch you though. I want to touch you, so don't let him. You're mine, okay? I listened to the song. I liked it. A lot. I like the song The Way We Get By by Spoon. I hope you do to.
Your mate,
Louis.
-
Harry calls Louis two days later, when he gets the letter. The phone rings a while and Harry feels wrong and foreign. Like he's entering territory that he's been specifically told to stay away from.
“Hello?”
“Louis. Louis don't hang up please.”
“Why would I hang up?”
“I thought you were mad at me.”
“Never.”
“So....what about your note?”
“I miss you.”
“You're dodging the question.”
“You have a dodgy knee.”
“Louis!”
A heavy sigh comes from Louis end. Harry can understand why he doesn't want to talk about it, but he wants to talk about it.
“Harry. Can't I just write you?”
“Why! Why can't you just talk to me?”
“Because it's easier! It's easier to tell you how I feel and what I think when I don't have to hear your voice and imagine things, it's easier because I don't stumble over words. I don't make as big a fool of myself.”
“You never make a fool of yourself boo. I didn't mind the letter, really.”
“I didn't mean it.”
“I know you did. You had plenty of time to rewrite it. Or you could have waited and wrote it the next day. You wouldn't have sent it to me if you didn't mean what you wrote.”
“....I didn't mean what I wrote about you and Nick.”
“I know that too.”
They sit there for a while. Miles apart yet closer than ever. Hearing each others deep, confused intakes and outtakes of air.
“Harry, lad?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too Louis.”
“But. But I love you more than you usually love a best mate. Being away from you has made me realize that. Please don't date Nick. I really don't want you to. I want you to be happy obviously, but with me. I want to be the only person you think about in the morning and at night, the only person to touch and make you feel good. If you let me of course. And I wish I could say and write beautiful words but I can't so this'll have to do. Do you feel the same way Harry?”
“I do Louis. I think I do.”
“I love you Harry.”
“I love you too Louis. I really, really love you.”
FIN.