Aug 16, 2005 17:57
*sighs relaxingly*...ya know its nice to not care anymore, well certainly not i still care but differently and not as much
cuz i know i take things too seriously and to a degree im sorry for it. Whether its my fault or not is another issue...again to a point it definitely is i just dont know how to relax and think that if something comes up that could be bad or wrong and it concerns me and another person...well then of course it must be wrong. But to be blunt i havent had a lot of joking and sillyness in my life so im afraid you may have to accomodate or at least have some patience with me becuz im easily made uncomfortable and scared when it comes to me and other people. I mean i understand emotions, and actions, and most thought processes UNTIL they are put into the context of me and another person then it all stops making sense
Thats becuz i have the mind set (brought on by alot of different things some under my control some not) that people arent going to feel in any way about me the way i do them, that they wont want to be around me a whole lot or that i dont think they should have positive feelings towards me or want my company. Then if theres any sort of confusion or idea floating around that the latter conditions are real, that it must be the God's honest truth.
I mean sometimes i can be really funny and entertaining, telling jokes and what not. But all in all im kind of a serious person, somber believe it or not which i have no idea if u will haha...
but for now im backing off cuz that seems to be the best idea or at least ill be a bit quieter especially about my worries whatever they may be