(no subject)
It's probably for the best that I had acne and braces. Otherwise I would have destroyed lives.
So I went on a date with Dan Heagney. I'd say that I have to really search myself in order to find the part of me that finds him attractive. That part of me is almost definitely the one that is happy only when my penis is inside someone else. Otherwise, Dan Heagney doesn't do it for me. I find him attractive only in the sense that he might be fun when naked. I don't like his voice, his taste is very unremarkable, he made fun of my handwriting once, and I frequently have to repeat things I've said in what I like to call manspeak...or possiby a subcategory of manspeak that is tweaked for Dan...Danspeak. I have to do this for Joey too, but I'm used to it, and it's not nearly as bad.
We went to see Obsessed - the one with Beyonce and Ali Larter from Heroes. I actually didn't know that the movie existed until Dan invited me. He's been after me for a while now, telling me that I look hot at APO meetings. My friend Andrea works with him at Home Depot and she tells me when I come up in the conversation. A couple weeks ago, I went with the girls to this partay-thing at Wrongdaddy's. There was a "Russian pop star" named Oskar singing stuff from his CD. It was cool actually, but I was too drunk to know whether or not he was sining in Russian. I touched his butt, Joey touched his balls. I flirted with everyone. I felt cute and expenisve. Joey invited me to go home with him business-as-usual-style and I agreed. "Let me tell the girls first!" A lot of people noticed us walking out together, and nobody was pleased. There was texting. Dan was one of those people. He told Andrea that he was expecting me to go home with him. AS IF. I don't know a lot about Dan, but I have heard things. And those things aren't exaclty what I look for in guys. I missed out on a massively scandalous APO party by going home with Mr. Joey. And Joey and I hardly even had sex...I think we had sex...I just remember being tired the entire time. The next morning I did Special Olympics for APO...everyone in APO had hangovers...and it was so obvious. Back to the date.
I missed dinner, so I bought a popcorn and soda. Dan hadn't arrived yet. I was leaning on a counter when Dan came in. I asked if he wanted some popcorn. "No," he replied with all the haughty forcefulness of a 13 year-old alpha girl. I texted Chelsa: Disaster. He gets his ticket. Movie time. We chat for a few minutes before the movie. I say Beyonce should probably stick to singing and dancing. Dan is offended. I try to make funny comments like I would do with the girls. Maybe not the right move. Half way through the movie, I'm sitting in a neutral position. My legs are straight in front of me. Left hand in lap. Right hand on thigh. Dan reaches for my hand. "Does he want to hold my hand? It's only the first date. He can if he wants to." He's holding it weird. He's tugging. "What are you doing?" "What?" "What are you doing?" Dan looks at me with his blue-blue eyes. My hand is being guided. Dan has his legs rested on the seat in front of him so that my hand must arc over his left leg to reach its destination. I look to the landing zone. Dan has a huge erection waiting for me ready to go. "What are you doing?" There are people all around. "I thought you said you would do it anywhere." I was being playful. And really it's not about giving him a hand-job on the first date (okay, maybe it is), and it's not about jacking him off in a movie theater...it's that there were a group of middle-aged Kirksvillians in the row behind us and there was nothing discreet about my hand having to make a big sweeping movement in order to reach his oh-so-big cock. A few minutes later I stroked his arm with the back of my hand and asked if he wanted to hold my hand. "Neh," he grunted back. With this I checked that my phone was in my pocket and told Dan I was going to the bathroom "real quick." "K," he said distractedly without glancing at me. I ran to the bathroom and called Chelsea, who agreed with my reaction. Chelsea pledged APO with us, and was well briefed on the Dan situation before I left for my date.
I talked to Andrea (she lives on my floor) about this the next day. "Maybe he was testing you. He said he wanted someone he could have an emotional relationship with. Maybe he was trying to see if you were the kind of guy who just wants sex." I immediately went to Jenny to get her opinion. She was preparing Mexican rice in the kitchen. There were two freshmen girls sitting on the floor waiting for their cookies to be baked. "I don't think so dude. I don't think Dan has a deeper level. I think he has all the emotional depth of...he doesn't have emotional depth...that's it dude." This is coming from the same girl who after hearing the same story said that had I called her, she would have told me to get back in there and touch some cock. I had called Jenny but she didn't answer. Just awful. He drove me home because it was raining.
So I went on a date with Dan Heagney. I'd say that I have to really search myself in order to find the part of me that finds him attractive. That part of me is almost definitely the one that is happy only when my penis is inside someone else. Otherwise, Dan Heagney doesn't do it for me. I find him attractive only in the sense that he might be fun when naked. I don't like his voice, his taste is very unremarkable, he made fun of my handwriting once, and I frequently have to repeat things I've said in what I like to call manspeak...or possiby a subcategory of manspeak that is tweaked for Dan...Danspeak. I have to do this for Joey too, but I'm used to it, and it's not nearly as bad.
We went to see Obsessed - the one with Beyonce and Ali Larter from Heroes. I actually didn't know that the movie existed until Dan invited me. He's been after me for a while now, telling me that I look hot at APO meetings. My friend Andrea works with him at Home Depot and she tells me when I come up in the conversation. A couple weeks ago, I went with the girls to this partay-thing at Wrongdaddy's. There was a "Russian pop star" named Oskar singing stuff from his CD. It was cool actually, but I was too drunk to know whether or not he was sining in Russian. I touched his butt, Joey touched his balls. I flirted with everyone. I felt cute and expenisve. Joey invited me to go home with him business-as-usual-style and I agreed. "Let me tell the girls first!" A lot of people noticed us walking out together, and nobody was pleased. There was texting. Dan was one of those people. He told Andrea that he was expecting me to go home with him. AS IF. I don't know a lot about Dan, but I have heard things. And those things aren't exaclty what I look for in guys. I missed out on a massively scandalous APO party by going home with Mr. Joey. And Joey and I hardly even had sex...I think we had sex...I just remember being tired the entire time. The next morning I did Special Olympics for APO...everyone in APO had hangovers...and it was so obvious. Back to the date.
I missed dinner, so I bought a popcorn and soda. Dan hadn't arrived yet. I was leaning on a counter when Dan came in. I asked if he wanted some popcorn. "No," he replied with all the haughty forcefulness of a 13 year-old alpha girl. I texted Chelsa: Disaster. He gets his ticket. Movie time. We chat for a few minutes before the movie. I say Beyonce should probably stick to singing and dancing. Dan is offended. I try to make funny comments like I would do with the girls. Maybe not the right move. Half way through the movie, I'm sitting in a neutral position. My legs are straight in front of me. Left hand in lap. Right hand on thigh. Dan reaches for my hand. "Does he want to hold my hand? It's only the first date. He can if he wants to." He's holding it weird. He's tugging. "What are you doing?" "What?" "What are you doing?" Dan looks at me with his blue-blue eyes. My hand is being guided. Dan has his legs rested on the seat in front of him so that my hand must arc over his left leg to reach its destination. I look to the landing zone. Dan has a huge erection waiting for me ready to go. "What are you doing?" There are people all around. "I thought you said you would do it anywhere." I was being playful. And really it's not about giving him a hand-job on the first date (okay, maybe it is), and it's not about jacking him off in a movie theater...it's that there were a group of middle-aged Kirksvillians in the row behind us and there was nothing discreet about my hand having to make a big sweeping movement in order to reach his oh-so-big cock. A few minutes later I stroked his arm with the back of my hand and asked if he wanted to hold my hand. "Neh," he grunted back. With this I checked that my phone was in my pocket and told Dan I was going to the bathroom "real quick." "K," he said distractedly without glancing at me. I ran to the bathroom and called Chelsea, who agreed with my reaction. Chelsea pledged APO with us, and was well briefed on the Dan situation before I left for my date.
I talked to Andrea (she lives on my floor) about this the next day. "Maybe he was testing you. He said he wanted someone he could have an emotional relationship with. Maybe he was trying to see if you were the kind of guy who just wants sex." I immediately went to Jenny to get her opinion. She was preparing Mexican rice in the kitchen. There were two freshmen girls sitting on the floor waiting for their cookies to be baked. "I don't think so dude. I don't think Dan has a deeper level. I think he has all the emotional depth of...he doesn't have emotional depth...that's it dude." This is coming from the same girl who after hearing the same story said that had I called her, she would have told me to get back in there and touch some cock. I had called Jenny but she didn't answer. Just awful. He drove me home because it was raining.