"As Most Do" part 4/7 (chenzel)
Title: As Most Do (4/7)
Rating: NC-17 (whole series)
Pairing: Chenzel
Summary: Kristin tells the story of her and Idina's relationship.
“That is quite possibly the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard,” Anna said. Her grip had gotten tighter on Kristin’s hand and she had drawn her closer, her front flush to the blonde’s side.
Kristin sniffed and wiped her wet eyes with the back of her hand, “Yeah, well. We’re not the most tragic case I’m sure. Broadway is littered with broken relationships.”
“So, what happened after that?”
“Idina and I didn’t talk beyond what was necessary for the show. I thought we were just going to go on through the run of the show just by keeping our contact brief and only related to the show. There wasn’t a single day I didn’t regret pushing her away, but I knew it had to happen.”
A silence settled between the two women until Anna prodded her gently. “Until?”
Kristin sighed, “Until her wedding.”
~/~/~/~
A giant tub of ice cream, barely touched, was melting on the coffee table in front of Kristin. She was flipping through the channels, trying not to think of the ceremony that was going to occur the next day on an island in the sea far away from here. She looked at the clock. It was the day before Idina’s wedding.
Her eyes were looking at the television but her eyes weren’t focusing on the images before her. When she manages to drift off the sleep, her mind was filled with images of Idina and Taye, dancing. Being happy. Without her. And it nearly killed her. She was shaken out of her sleep when her phone rang and she grasped it, still making her way into consciousness. She didn’t bother to look at the caller ID and just flipped open the phone.
“Hello?” she said sitting up on the couch.
“Kris.”
The blonde froze when she heard the voice that had haunted her dreams so many times. She turned off the television and sat in the dark, waiting for Idina to say something else.
“Kris. I need you.”
She could hear the tears in her voice and it broke her heart. “Idina, I-“
“Before you say anything just hear me out, please?”
Kristin nodded as if Idina could see her.
“Kris, I can’t do this. I need you. I need to see you.”
“I don’t know if I shoul-“
“Please, Kris…please.”
Kristin sighed, “I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
“Thank you. Thank you so much.”
She dug the wedding incitation out of the drawer that she had stuffed it in as soon it had come in the mail. She grabbed a duffle bag and riffled through her drawers, packing the first things she saw and ran out of the apartment. She quickly waved down a cab and slid gracelessly into the seat. “Airport, please.”
Six hours and forty minutes. That’s exactly how long it took to get to Montego Bay, Jamaica. To Kristin it felt like days. She fidgeted in her seat, wondering what exactly Idina would tell her when she arrived. In her mind she imagined Idina taking her in her arms and telling her to run away with her somewhere romantic. But she knew that would never happen. If Idina was going to break off the wedding at the last minute she would have come to San Francisco, not asked Kristin to come to her.
When they landed, Kristin got a car and cursed the cab driver so not going faster. She flipped open her phone and texted Idina.
Almost to the hotel.
She sat back and closed her eyes, letting them rest for the short while to the hotel. When they finally arrived, she quickly threw more than enough money on the front seat to the cab and walking into the lobby. She went up to the desk and intended to check in when she felt arms wrap around her from behind, squeezing her tightly.
“Kris, thank god you’re here,” Idina said, her voice still thick with tears. “Never mind,” Kristin said throwing her most charming smile at the man behind the desk, hoping to throw off any questions. “Come on, hun, let’s go somewhere less…public,” Kristin said turning around to cradle Idina’s head to her chest and shuffling to the elevator.
“What floor?” Kristin asked, still holding on to Idina’s trembling form. She said something into the shorter woman’s chest and she pushed the buttons. Idina only stepped away from Kristin to get her key and let them into her hotel room, but quickly latched back onto the tiny woman when they got into the room. Kristin sighed and walked over to the couch the best she cold with Idina latched around her middle and sat on the couch.
“Idina, I need you to look at me?” Kristin said pushing the crying woman’s shoulders back and pulling her chin up. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying and her aw trembled. “Oh, honey,” Kristin said wiping the tears from her face, “what’s wrong?”
The brunette broke down once more and shook her head, “I need you, Kris. I can’t live without you.”
“Honey, I’m right here. I’m not asking you to live without me.”
“Yes, you are! Everyday that goes by knowing that you’re not mine is like living without you.”
“How do you think I felt? You were never mine.”
“I was.”
“No, you weren’t. You were Taye’s. You were always Taye’s.”
“No. I was yours, Kris. Can’t you see that? I was always yours.”
Kristin shook her head and looked away, “Why did you call me here, Idina?” Before she realized what was happening, she felt Idina’s lips pressed to hers. Soft and confident. She moaned involuntarily, forgetting how magical the feeling of their lips coming together was. Idina took the moan as encouragement and parted her lips with her tongue. Kristin sighed into her mouth. Idina’s tongue was warm and inviting and Kristin wanted it everywhere. She wanted it running down her chest and over her breasts. Just the thought made her shiver and she pulled away.
“We can’t do this,” Kristin said breathlessly. “Why not?” Idina whined. “You’re getting married. In a few hours, Idina!” Kristin said, “Why did you call me here?”
Idina stood up and walked over to a have empty glass of wine that Kristin hadn’t noticed before. She took a long gulp before answering Kristin.
“I thought,” she began, “I thought if you came here, you could talk me out of doing…doing this.” Idina gestured at the things laying around the room. Flowers arrangements, cards of congratulations gifts and her wedding dress hanging on the back of a door.
“Why would you want me to talk you out of this?”
“I don’t know if this is what I want. I’m so confused, Kris,” Idina had gotten on her knees in front of Kristin and pressed her palms to the other woman’s knees. The smaller woman sighed and cupped Idina’s cheek, “I don’t know what you want me to do.”
Idina shook her head, “Just…kiss me? Please.” Kristin knew she should say no. She knew she should turn back now and walk out of the hotel. But the longer she looked at Idina, her eyes shining with hope and (dare she say it?) love. She felt their lips being pulled together from some unknown source until their lips were a breath apart.
“Are you sure?” Kristin whispered. Idina said nothing, just tangled her hands in Kristin’s hair and pulled her closer, their lips finally meeting. Idina placed her hands on the blonde’s knees once more and gently pushed them apart, her body sliding between them so their bodies could be as close as possible. Her hands ran up Kristin’s thighs and over her hips, fingers slowly inching beneath her shirt. Idina put her hands up the back of the other woman’s shirt, rubbing along her spine. Kristin sighed as Idina lifted her shirt over her head and dropped it on the floor. Goosebumps prickled over her skin with the combination of the air chilling her bare chest and Idina’s soft hands over her stomach, her back, the undersides of her breasts.
Idina suddenly stood up and threw her own shirt off, offering Kristin her hand. She took it, letting Idina gently pull her up from the couch and lead her to the to the bedroom. They didn’t say anything, but the brunette kept looking back at Kristin and squeezing her hand as if the make sure she was really there. She stopped before they stepped into the bedroom and Kristin began to wonder if she had changed her mind. Idina turned to her, but instead of muttering an apology like Kristin expected, she scooped her into her arms bridal style.
Kristin giggled despite herself and wrapped her arms around Idina’s neck. Idina smiled at her and walked across the threshold, laying Kristin gently on the bed. She didn’t hesitate before crawling on top of her, holding herself over the smaller woman by leaning on her elbows.
The petite woman looked up at her, afraid to touch her as if it would break the spell that had settled over them. “You can touch me you know,” Idina whispered knowingly, “I’m not going to run away.” Kristin smiled up at her and ran her fingers along the other woman’s collarbone. With each inch of smooth skin Kristin felt beneath her fingertips the braver she got and her fingers explored lower. They grazed over the tops of Idina’s breasts and over the satin top of her bra. Idina’s eyes rolled back in her head when Kristin touched her nipple, feeling it tighten under the fabric. She continued her ministrations on her left breast before she needed to feel skin instead of satin. She reached behind her costar and undid her bra, pulling the straps down and over her shoulders. Idina pulled it off the rest of the way and dropped it on the floor somewhere before bending down to kiss Kristin.
Before either of them realized it they were completely naked, clothes dispersed to some unknown part of the room. They were on their sides facing each other, their bodies pressed impossibly close. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Kristin asked quietly, “It’s not too late to turn back. Pretend like this never happened.”
“We could never pretend like this never happened.”
“We could try.”
“This is exactly what I want.”
Kristin didn’t ask anymore, just wrapped her arms around Idina’s neck and kissed her fiercely, their tongues coming together like they had been doing this their whole lives. Idina’s hands ran down Kristin’s back, over her buttocks and behind her thigh, gently pulling it over her hip. Idina’s hand continued to the back of her knee and back up the inside of her leg. Kristin gasped when Idina entered heat, her fingers stroking expertly.
The blonde found her own hand traveling down Idina’s body and between her legs. “God, Kris,” she hissed, her eyes closing tight in pleasure.
“Together,” Kristin said kissing her lips. “Together,” the other woman repeated, pressing two fingers at Kristin’s opening. The blonde did the same at Idina’s core and waited for the taller woman to make the first move.
“Together,” Idina said again before entering the blonde before her. Kristin gasped and entered her newfound lover. They began to thrust into each other their sighs and moans mingling in the night air. Kristin had had lovers before, but their hands were always rough and clumsy. The act of sex always seemed rushed and awkward. But being with Idina was nothing like she had experienced with her other partners. It was slow and deliberate, her hands soft and caring. Now Kristin could understand why people would call it making love. With Idina, it was more than just physical, it felt as if their souls were penetrating each other and entwining. Being with Idina was the most beautiful thing she had ever experienced, and she never wanted it to end.
Kristin reached her orgasm and Idina a few moments afterwards. They lay spent in each other’s arms, limbs still tangled together. Idina kissed along Kristin’s brow line before reaching down to bring the sheet over their bodies. She held tightly, the small woman’s face nestled into the crook of Idina’s neck.
“I could never want anything more than this,” Idina whispered before kissing her lightly and drifting off to sleep. It was only after she knew Idina was asleep when Kristin let the tears fall from her eyes.
She studied the other woman’s sleeping features. Her high cheekbones, her full lips. As much as Kristin wanted this to work, as much as she wanted to have many nights like this, she knew it could never work. Life would be easier for Idina if she just married Taye like she had been expected to for the past few years. To walk out on him on her wedding day for not only her costar but also a woman would ruin everything. It would cast an unwanted shadow over the show. Kristin couldn’t let Idina throw her life away for her, she couldn’t promise her everything Taye could.
With a shaky breath, Kristin kissed Idina lightly, her placid face twitching slightly. She carefully untangled herself from the taller woman and slid out of the bed. Quietly, she collected her clothes and walked towards the bedroom door. She paused and placed her hand on the doorframe. If she looked back, she wouldn’t be able to leave.
“Kris’in.”
The blonde turned around, fearing she was caught, but instead saw Idina’s still sleeping figure hug a pillow to her chest. Kristin’s heart pained and she walked out of the bedroom, picking up her badly packed duffle bag before slipping out of the hotel door.
Rating: NC-17 (whole series)
Pairing: Chenzel
Summary: Kristin tells the story of her and Idina's relationship.
“That is quite possibly the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard,” Anna said. Her grip had gotten tighter on Kristin’s hand and she had drawn her closer, her front flush to the blonde’s side.
Kristin sniffed and wiped her wet eyes with the back of her hand, “Yeah, well. We’re not the most tragic case I’m sure. Broadway is littered with broken relationships.”
“So, what happened after that?”
“Idina and I didn’t talk beyond what was necessary for the show. I thought we were just going to go on through the run of the show just by keeping our contact brief and only related to the show. There wasn’t a single day I didn’t regret pushing her away, but I knew it had to happen.”
A silence settled between the two women until Anna prodded her gently. “Until?”
Kristin sighed, “Until her wedding.”
~/~/~/~
A giant tub of ice cream, barely touched, was melting on the coffee table in front of Kristin. She was flipping through the channels, trying not to think of the ceremony that was going to occur the next day on an island in the sea far away from here. She looked at the clock. It was the day before Idina’s wedding.
Her eyes were looking at the television but her eyes weren’t focusing on the images before her. When she manages to drift off the sleep, her mind was filled with images of Idina and Taye, dancing. Being happy. Without her. And it nearly killed her. She was shaken out of her sleep when her phone rang and she grasped it, still making her way into consciousness. She didn’t bother to look at the caller ID and just flipped open the phone.
“Hello?” she said sitting up on the couch.
“Kris.”
The blonde froze when she heard the voice that had haunted her dreams so many times. She turned off the television and sat in the dark, waiting for Idina to say something else.
“Kris. I need you.”
She could hear the tears in her voice and it broke her heart. “Idina, I-“
“Before you say anything just hear me out, please?”
Kristin nodded as if Idina could see her.
“Kris, I can’t do this. I need you. I need to see you.”
“I don’t know if I shoul-“
“Please, Kris…please.”
Kristin sighed, “I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
“Thank you. Thank you so much.”
She dug the wedding incitation out of the drawer that she had stuffed it in as soon it had come in the mail. She grabbed a duffle bag and riffled through her drawers, packing the first things she saw and ran out of the apartment. She quickly waved down a cab and slid gracelessly into the seat. “Airport, please.”
Six hours and forty minutes. That’s exactly how long it took to get to Montego Bay, Jamaica. To Kristin it felt like days. She fidgeted in her seat, wondering what exactly Idina would tell her when she arrived. In her mind she imagined Idina taking her in her arms and telling her to run away with her somewhere romantic. But she knew that would never happen. If Idina was going to break off the wedding at the last minute she would have come to San Francisco, not asked Kristin to come to her.
When they landed, Kristin got a car and cursed the cab driver so not going faster. She flipped open her phone and texted Idina.
Almost to the hotel.
She sat back and closed her eyes, letting them rest for the short while to the hotel. When they finally arrived, she quickly threw more than enough money on the front seat to the cab and walking into the lobby. She went up to the desk and intended to check in when she felt arms wrap around her from behind, squeezing her tightly.
“Kris, thank god you’re here,” Idina said, her voice still thick with tears. “Never mind,” Kristin said throwing her most charming smile at the man behind the desk, hoping to throw off any questions. “Come on, hun, let’s go somewhere less…public,” Kristin said turning around to cradle Idina’s head to her chest and shuffling to the elevator.
“What floor?” Kristin asked, still holding on to Idina’s trembling form. She said something into the shorter woman’s chest and she pushed the buttons. Idina only stepped away from Kristin to get her key and let them into her hotel room, but quickly latched back onto the tiny woman when they got into the room. Kristin sighed and walked over to the couch the best she cold with Idina latched around her middle and sat on the couch.
“Idina, I need you to look at me?” Kristin said pushing the crying woman’s shoulders back and pulling her chin up. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying and her aw trembled. “Oh, honey,” Kristin said wiping the tears from her face, “what’s wrong?”
The brunette broke down once more and shook her head, “I need you, Kris. I can’t live without you.”
“Honey, I’m right here. I’m not asking you to live without me.”
“Yes, you are! Everyday that goes by knowing that you’re not mine is like living without you.”
“How do you think I felt? You were never mine.”
“I was.”
“No, you weren’t. You were Taye’s. You were always Taye’s.”
“No. I was yours, Kris. Can’t you see that? I was always yours.”
Kristin shook her head and looked away, “Why did you call me here, Idina?” Before she realized what was happening, she felt Idina’s lips pressed to hers. Soft and confident. She moaned involuntarily, forgetting how magical the feeling of their lips coming together was. Idina took the moan as encouragement and parted her lips with her tongue. Kristin sighed into her mouth. Idina’s tongue was warm and inviting and Kristin wanted it everywhere. She wanted it running down her chest and over her breasts. Just the thought made her shiver and she pulled away.
“We can’t do this,” Kristin said breathlessly. “Why not?” Idina whined. “You’re getting married. In a few hours, Idina!” Kristin said, “Why did you call me here?”
Idina stood up and walked over to a have empty glass of wine that Kristin hadn’t noticed before. She took a long gulp before answering Kristin.
“I thought,” she began, “I thought if you came here, you could talk me out of doing…doing this.” Idina gestured at the things laying around the room. Flowers arrangements, cards of congratulations gifts and her wedding dress hanging on the back of a door.
“Why would you want me to talk you out of this?”
“I don’t know if this is what I want. I’m so confused, Kris,” Idina had gotten on her knees in front of Kristin and pressed her palms to the other woman’s knees. The smaller woman sighed and cupped Idina’s cheek, “I don’t know what you want me to do.”
Idina shook her head, “Just…kiss me? Please.” Kristin knew she should say no. She knew she should turn back now and walk out of the hotel. But the longer she looked at Idina, her eyes shining with hope and (dare she say it?) love. She felt their lips being pulled together from some unknown source until their lips were a breath apart.
“Are you sure?” Kristin whispered. Idina said nothing, just tangled her hands in Kristin’s hair and pulled her closer, their lips finally meeting. Idina placed her hands on the blonde’s knees once more and gently pushed them apart, her body sliding between them so their bodies could be as close as possible. Her hands ran up Kristin’s thighs and over her hips, fingers slowly inching beneath her shirt. Idina put her hands up the back of the other woman’s shirt, rubbing along her spine. Kristin sighed as Idina lifted her shirt over her head and dropped it on the floor. Goosebumps prickled over her skin with the combination of the air chilling her bare chest and Idina’s soft hands over her stomach, her back, the undersides of her breasts.
Idina suddenly stood up and threw her own shirt off, offering Kristin her hand. She took it, letting Idina gently pull her up from the couch and lead her to the to the bedroom. They didn’t say anything, but the brunette kept looking back at Kristin and squeezing her hand as if the make sure she was really there. She stopped before they stepped into the bedroom and Kristin began to wonder if she had changed her mind. Idina turned to her, but instead of muttering an apology like Kristin expected, she scooped her into her arms bridal style.
Kristin giggled despite herself and wrapped her arms around Idina’s neck. Idina smiled at her and walked across the threshold, laying Kristin gently on the bed. She didn’t hesitate before crawling on top of her, holding herself over the smaller woman by leaning on her elbows.
The petite woman looked up at her, afraid to touch her as if it would break the spell that had settled over them. “You can touch me you know,” Idina whispered knowingly, “I’m not going to run away.” Kristin smiled up at her and ran her fingers along the other woman’s collarbone. With each inch of smooth skin Kristin felt beneath her fingertips the braver she got and her fingers explored lower. They grazed over the tops of Idina’s breasts and over the satin top of her bra. Idina’s eyes rolled back in her head when Kristin touched her nipple, feeling it tighten under the fabric. She continued her ministrations on her left breast before she needed to feel skin instead of satin. She reached behind her costar and undid her bra, pulling the straps down and over her shoulders. Idina pulled it off the rest of the way and dropped it on the floor somewhere before bending down to kiss Kristin.
Before either of them realized it they were completely naked, clothes dispersed to some unknown part of the room. They were on their sides facing each other, their bodies pressed impossibly close. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Kristin asked quietly, “It’s not too late to turn back. Pretend like this never happened.”
“We could never pretend like this never happened.”
“We could try.”
“This is exactly what I want.”
Kristin didn’t ask anymore, just wrapped her arms around Idina’s neck and kissed her fiercely, their tongues coming together like they had been doing this their whole lives. Idina’s hands ran down Kristin’s back, over her buttocks and behind her thigh, gently pulling it over her hip. Idina’s hand continued to the back of her knee and back up the inside of her leg. Kristin gasped when Idina entered heat, her fingers stroking expertly.
The blonde found her own hand traveling down Idina’s body and between her legs. “God, Kris,” she hissed, her eyes closing tight in pleasure.
“Together,” Kristin said kissing her lips. “Together,” the other woman repeated, pressing two fingers at Kristin’s opening. The blonde did the same at Idina’s core and waited for the taller woman to make the first move.
“Together,” Idina said again before entering the blonde before her. Kristin gasped and entered her newfound lover. They began to thrust into each other their sighs and moans mingling in the night air. Kristin had had lovers before, but their hands were always rough and clumsy. The act of sex always seemed rushed and awkward. But being with Idina was nothing like she had experienced with her other partners. It was slow and deliberate, her hands soft and caring. Now Kristin could understand why people would call it making love. With Idina, it was more than just physical, it felt as if their souls were penetrating each other and entwining. Being with Idina was the most beautiful thing she had ever experienced, and she never wanted it to end.
Kristin reached her orgasm and Idina a few moments afterwards. They lay spent in each other’s arms, limbs still tangled together. Idina kissed along Kristin’s brow line before reaching down to bring the sheet over their bodies. She held tightly, the small woman’s face nestled into the crook of Idina’s neck.
“I could never want anything more than this,” Idina whispered before kissing her lightly and drifting off to sleep. It was only after she knew Idina was asleep when Kristin let the tears fall from her eyes.
She studied the other woman’s sleeping features. Her high cheekbones, her full lips. As much as Kristin wanted this to work, as much as she wanted to have many nights like this, she knew it could never work. Life would be easier for Idina if she just married Taye like she had been expected to for the past few years. To walk out on him on her wedding day for not only her costar but also a woman would ruin everything. It would cast an unwanted shadow over the show. Kristin couldn’t let Idina throw her life away for her, she couldn’t promise her everything Taye could.
With a shaky breath, Kristin kissed Idina lightly, her placid face twitching slightly. She carefully untangled herself from the taller woman and slid out of the bed. Quietly, she collected her clothes and walked towards the bedroom door. She paused and placed her hand on the doorframe. If she looked back, she wouldn’t be able to leave.
“Kris’in.”
The blonde turned around, fearing she was caught, but instead saw Idina’s still sleeping figure hug a pillow to her chest. Kristin’s heart pained and she walked out of the bedroom, picking up her badly packed duffle bag before slipping out of the hotel door.