you are loved
So I went to church today. I didn't use to go to church, but now I do. Things changed me and I was tired of being THAT broken, depressed, heart aching GIRL. I wanted to be who I once was. The girl who was always smiling and optomistic and just full of joy for absolutely no reason at all. I missed her, and I wanted to be THAT GIRL. i will be that girl again, it just will take some time to get there. To heal the emotional wounds that have been inflicted on me. That being said, I have tried many things to bring that girl back and this church my friend recommended to me just so happened to bring back my happiness. Not always permanently, but it's a start. Sometimes I hate going there, it makes things so real and makes me face the things I sometimes don't want to face. I cry. I'm the crazy person sitting there with tears running down their face while everyone else is just staring at the pastor trying to listen to the service. Today was special though. I learned alot. It was the pastors last service there and his service was all about how much god loves you. He loves each and every person no matter who you are or what you've done, he loves you. Don't you dare ever give up or ever have the nerve to say no one loves you because he always does and that's all that really matters. He knows every word you'll ever speak, every breath you'll ever take, every person you'll ever meet and every day you'll ever live. You are here for a reason and don't try to fight it. Embrace it and enjoy the journy because it will happen either way. I realized when he asks us to say things out loud, that's when I brake down. I know I'm beautiful and special and I am here for a reason and can do things other people will never and can never do because no one is or ever will be exactly like me. Saying it out loud though is hard for me to handle. You wouldn't think that. I give off this confidence and rock it because I don't want to seem weak or vulnerable because I learned that's when you get hurt. It's a way of protecting myself. Today when the pastor announced he's leaving, I finally told him what I wanted to tell him. He changed me for the better. I woke up today and drove half an hour to church to sit there by myself just because I care about what he has to say. He opened my eyes.