(no subject)
Been home all day.
Driving me crazy.
I need to get out :/
-edit-
A part of me wants to just, take off, somewhere,
leave everything behind.And then the "logical"
side of me [if there IS one] says, "no you gotta
stay and put up with all the bullshit.That is your
job.That is what your purpose on earth is"
I've been troubled lately, and things have been rather surreal.
It has become almost effortless to recall the stir of desperation as my recollection permits blur images of a clumsy, fumbling fool, one who anchored herself unto nightfall so as to keep dreaming. My dreams seemed to contain love's essence, &i clung on desperately to this psuedo reality, where tempatation and shame were unheard of.
&now i seem to be back at the very same place- a moment which i take to reflect on whether i have truly grasped onto love, or whether it is yet again going to pass me by.
It's not worth jeopardizing what we have because of what has happened. I know that. I know that i have to remain strong and rid myself of any cynical thoughts, because eventually, it would be due to my fears that we face a downfall. But it's hard for me to believe anymore ... Ironic, seeing that i built myself again because of my faith in us.
I've almost become too tired to fight back. I desire strength to hold on, because you mean too much to me to let go. We'll be okay, won't we ?
Driving me crazy.
I need to get out :/
-edit-
A part of me wants to just, take off, somewhere,
leave everything behind.And then the "logical"
side of me [if there IS one] says, "no you gotta
stay and put up with all the bullshit.That is your
job.That is what your purpose on earth is"
I've been troubled lately, and things have been rather surreal.
It has become almost effortless to recall the stir of desperation as my recollection permits blur images of a clumsy, fumbling fool, one who anchored herself unto nightfall so as to keep dreaming. My dreams seemed to contain love's essence, &i clung on desperately to this psuedo reality, where tempatation and shame were unheard of.
&now i seem to be back at the very same place- a moment which i take to reflect on whether i have truly grasped onto love, or whether it is yet again going to pass me by.
It's not worth jeopardizing what we have because of what has happened. I know that. I know that i have to remain strong and rid myself of any cynical thoughts, because eventually, it would be due to my fears that we face a downfall. But it's hard for me to believe anymore ... Ironic, seeing that i built myself again because of my faith in us.
I've almost become too tired to fight back. I desire strength to hold on, because you mean too much to me to let go. We'll be okay, won't we ?