Without your touch, chapter 1
Downton Abbey, Anna/Bates.
Rating: T.
Spoilers up to chapter 2x08.
This is my first fanfic so far, and english is not my language so, paraphrasing Anna's words, this will be really an adventure. I love these two characters and their love story, so I've tried to imagine what will happen to them until Christmas. If you have not watched the episode 2x08, you should not read this.
Disclaimer: I don't own Downton Abbey, its story or characters, they all belong to Julian Fellowes. Sigh.
Chapter 1 - A weekend (I)
Mr. Bates had always been a quiet man and he had never said anything lightly, but Anna knew that most of the time John said more with his silences and his eyes than his words. It was a part of his personality that attracted her enormously, because from the beginning she thought that the man who was hiding behind that façade had to be fascinating.
However, that friday night Anna was sure that Mr. Bates should feel the same way as her, like a child who finds it almost impossible to keep a secret. She was sure that the happiness they had felt that afternoon in Ripon could slip from their lips if they weren't careful. As soon she helped undressing the Crawley sisters, she descended to the servants' dining room for a cup of tea before retiring to her room, excited for the amazing gift that Lady Mary had gave her: a room for spending the wedding night with John.
Just after crossing the threshold of the dining room, Anna's joy was muted by the silence in the room. The others took their cups of tea with their heads down, barely exchanging some words in a whisper. It was difficult to assume that, even when the war was over, the terrible disease was ravaging the county and all the country, and it had given a severe blow to Downton. O'Brien's exhausted face sum it all up, and Anna wondered for a moment about the strange nature of the woman: how she could show such bad character and be so selfless at the same time, it was something that was hard to understand.
Anna slid to her usual place next to Mr. Bates. He greeted her with a look full of affection and handled her the teapot with a cup and sugar, but he continued to take small sips of his tea, saying nothing. Anna took in advantage that all of them were sunk in his thoughts to slip a note into Bates' pocket: "Gold Room in the south wing (third door on the left). I'll wait for you at 12". John looked surprised, and Anna took the opportunity to say aloud:
- I think I'll go and sleep. It's been a long day and we all need to rest. Good night.
And saying that, she rose supporting her hand on his shoulder and looking intensely at Bates for a second. There was only one and a half hour until 12.
Once Bates read the note in the safety of his room, he felt a wave of heat. Was Anna really so bold? Well, she had always been very direct about what she wanted in her life. But she was so bold as to use one of the guest rooms without permission? What if they got caught? His head was full of very vivid images of what could happen that night. He looked at his watch and started to walk between the bed and the dresser, trying to calm down: 3 steps and back. After a few minutes he felt really ridiculous, so he sat on the bed and tried to read something. The letters moved at their will, forming every moment Anna's beautiful profile.
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Mr. Bates's cane was left waiting on the bed while its owner glided silently down the hall of the servants. He went down the stairs slowly and headed to the south side of the house, trying not to make any noise. He had not dared to carry a lamp to avoid being detected and advanced slowly, but the thick carpet muffled his steps and soon he felt safer. As he reached the hall he counted the doors, and was relieved to see a sliver of light peeking under the third. He breathed deeply and opened it gently.
Anna turned nervous at the sound of the door, but smiled when she saw Mr. Bates' face, approaching him. Before she could say anything, he put a finger on her lips, saying:
- How have you managed to fix this?
- Lady Mary asked me how the wedding had been, and made Jane prepare this room. She said that newlyweds did not deserve to remain separated in their first night.
The words registered for a moment in John's mind and were sufficient to reassure him. He stood watching Anna, the brightness of her eyes, the anticipation and nerves that were reflected in the tremor of her chin.
Anna began to undo the row of buttons that ran in front of her uniform, still looking at him. Gently Bates withdrew her hands and he went on, slowly. Not knowing quite what to do with her hands, Anna decided to do the same with the buttons on his shirt, leaving part of his chest exposed. She slid her fingers, marveling at the softness and warmth of his hair. Embracing him, she rested her head on his heart, causing John to close his eyes overwhelmed by the sensation.
- It's incredible that all this is happening, at last - John said, hugging her.
Anna pulled back to allow John to continue unbuttoning the front of the dress. When the last button was undone, he slid the dress gently from her shoulders, leaving the corset in sight.
- How can you be comfortable with a garment so stiff? - He asked, amazed.
- You get used to everything... - she said. - Look, you also have to undo these clips on the front.
As he finished dismantling that work of engineering, Anna dropped her petticoat and finally she was wearing only her chemise. She seemed very determined, but Bates recognized the fear in her eyes.
- Don't worry, we'll go slowly. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do - he said, soothingly, as he discarded his jacket and shoes.
As he got up, he took Anna's hands, to stop her twisting them nervously, and led her to the edge of bed, making her sit beside him.
- Before I met you, I thought I knew what was to be married, and what was to love a woman. I was wrong. So in some ways, this is all new for me too.
He put his hands on her waist, making circles on her skin with his thumbs, and looked at her intently, leaning forward to kiss her. Anna closed her eyes drifting, and in no time her curiosity and desire prevailed over the fear.
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On Saturday morning Anna woke up in a very different way from the usual: she could feel soft lips drawing a path down from her shoulder to her chest...
- Wake up, Sleeping Beauty - he whispered between kisses.
- Mmm, it's clear that I can never wake up natural. Just a little more ... - she said sleepily, making herself a ball.
- Want more? Agreed - he said with a mischievous gesture, diving under the covers and stroking her waist.
- No! I mean ... I'd love to - Anna said quickly, pulling John up. - Nothing would please me more. But, how long do we have until Daisy begins to wake everyone?
John looked at the clock on the table.
- Barely half an hour, we have to hurry - he said, startled.
Soon, Anna jumped off the bed and began to pick up the clothing scattered on the floor, while she went over the events of the night before in her mind. They must not have slept much... She blushed thinking about everything that had happened under those sheets.
Getting dressed, she looked at John. Judging by his red cheeks and dreamy smile on his lips, it seemed that he also was thinking about what they had done. Several times, he was especially proud of that.
They finished getting dressed quickly and rushed to tidy the room. They removed the sheets and put out the candles, leaving everything as if nothing had happened there, and left the room quietly. They parted with a quick hug and both of them slid quickly to their rooms.
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Anna was the epitome of discretion. Although everyone knew that John and she were a couple, no one could say nothing about their behaviour, they even didn't hold hands in public. But inside, Anna was a real whirlwind. If yesterday she was afraid it would be difficult to keep the secret of their wedding, the next morning she felt like it was written on her face with big letters: "Yesterday I had sex for the first time."
Sitting in her usual place next to Mr. Bates did little to improve the situation. Every time he made a normal gesture, as putting some sugar over his porridge, Anna was there, looking at his hands like a fool, blushing while she thought what John had done with those hands only a few hours ago.
Mrs. Hughes looked up from her cup of tea and stared at her.
- Are you all right, Anna? Your cheeks look hot. You're not catching the flu, aren't you?
- No, no, Mrs. Hughes - she said quickly. - I think I took a sip of tea too hot and I burned my tonge a little.
- I hope it's just that, and sickness leave this house once and for all - sentenced Mrs. Hughes.
Anna looked down, trying to focus on her breakfast, but she was well awared that Mr. Bates, who appeared to be the picture of decorum, hid a mischievous smile behind his cup of tea. She finished breakfast hastily and went upstairs to start making the rooms. As Jane was gone and there were still some sick maids, she were on her own to dress the Crawley sisters and make the three bedrooms.
As she entered Lady Mary's room, Anna was glad that Lady Sybil was also there, dressed and arguing with her sister about her future plans with Branson. She dressed the older sister efficiently, and arranged the hair of the two of them in a moment. Lady Mary did not say anything that might compromise Anna before Sybil, but she gave her a look of complicity before going down. Lady Edith was also nearly dressed when she entered her room, so in a few minutes Anna went to pick up the clean sheets and started making the beds. Being alone for a while would calm her down a bit.
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Mornings used to go quickly at Downton. After a quick lunch, they had to serve the meals upstairs, and the servants barely rested until tea time. However, almost everyone had that afternoon off. Lord Grantham had gone to visit the Dowager Countess to discuss the arrangements for the funeral next monday. Although she was still weak, Lady Grantham had insisted on getting up and went with him. Lady Mary and Mr. Carlisle were going for a ride around and would not arrive until dinner time. The younger sisters had also decided to spend the afternoon on their own at Ripon. It seemed that nobody wanted to stay longer than necessary in the house, which just days before was buzzing with the preparations for the wedding of the heir, and now it was wrapped in the oppressive cloak of mourning.
The servants took advantage of their afternoon off in different ways. Thomas was devoted to preparing his old uniforms, assuming that he would definitely stay in Downton. Daisy and Mrs. Patmore prepared the menu for the next week, and Mrs. Hughes sent O'Brien to rest in her room because she had slept little that week.
- Anna, do you have something to do until dinner? - Mrs. Hughes asked, knowing in advance that the answer would be negative. - I need you to go to the village and buy some things.
- Surely, Mrs. Hughes - Anna replied dutifully, collecting the note from Mrs. Hughes' hand. - I'll go and get ready.
John stared at the door which Anna had just gone through.
- Mr. Bates, Anna could do with a helping hand to bring it all - Mrs. Hughes said with a smile, Bates nodded his head. The housekeeper took a tray of tea and cookies and went to Mr. Carson's bedroom, who was still recovering from the flu, to spend some time with him.
Bates went to get ready too, thinking for a moment if Mrs. Hughes would not know more than she seemed.
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On their way to the village, Mr. Bates told Anna he was thinking about speaking with Lord Grantham at the end of next week, when the funeral of Lady Lavinia was not so recent. He wanted to ask for the small cottage they had been offered several years ago. He hoped they could furnish it modestly, and eventually getting it better little by little. Anna looked at him, smiling, but she seemed to be thinking about something completely different.
- John, I do not know how to say this ... I'm so embarrassed ...
Bates stood there, surprised and amused.
- If we are to talk about what I think we're going to talk, we'd better go to a little more discreet place - he said, winking and going into the garage.
It was a completely safe (and empty) place, since Branson had left the job and had gone to Grantham Arms. Making sure no one saw them going in, he put his Anna's basket on the floor and let his cane with them. Before she were able to say anything, John had already caught her waist and was kissing her tenderly. When he was satisfied (at least for now), he let her talk without taking his hands off her waist.
- See ... I wonder why all the stories women tell about the first time. They never told me exactly what it was - she said, blushing, - but my mother told me years ago that first of all a woman should please her husband and obey him, puting it over her own feelings. My cousin Hattie told me shortly after her wedding that it was horrible, but she had resigned herself, and in time it was not so bad. I do not know what to think, really. Yesterday was really a wonderful night.
- Not everyone is lucky enough to marry for love. And I suppose that some marriages are not "compatible" - replied Bates. - I never felt like this before. You're beautiful and full of tenderness, and you have a very nice body - he said appreciatively at her, while stroking her waist and her back.
- I was very surprised by some of the things we did yesterday. No, no, I liked it very much - she said, seeing that John was frowning for a moment. - But I didn't knew I would feel something so strong, and at the same time it would be like fainting or losing my breath, but in a pleasant way. Or that our bodies would fit so perfectly - she finished speaking, blushing a bit more. Although she was ashamed, she was curious too and wanted to talk about it.
John lifted her without difficulty and sat her at the table before him, so he could look directly into her eyes.
- I guess we're lucky. Despite having to overcome so many problems to be together, I think we've been very fortunate for having met each other. If I had been told that the day the Titanic sank known I would met the woman who would make me the happiest man in the world, I've never had believed it. I don't deserve you, Anna.
- Don't say that, you silly beggar - said Anna, putting her hands on his chest and playing with the buttons of his shirt.
The next few minutes seemed to pass at two different speeds, or so it seemed to Anna. She could see John's eyes widening in desire as her hands came into contact with the skin of his chest. She also felt him rolling her skirts up slowly and standing between her legs. Everything happened with such intensity that it seemed they were almost burning. She did not recognize herself in what she was doing, but at the same time everything seemed perfect.
At the end, with John leaning on her chest as his breathing was becoming more regular, she thought there should have passed only a few minutes. It took almost the same time to dress themselves properly again and to regain some composture. Before leaving the garage again, John caught her lips in a gentle kiss and both picked up their baskets. Anna hoped the fresh air would remove the blushing from their cheeks before they reached the village.