Just means letting go
So...I've decided that after everything that has happened in the last year or so with guys, I am just going to give up for a little while and turn my focus on God. I was reading my bible the other day and stumbled across some passages that really made me rethink my relationship with Christ and I realized that I need to love him FIRST. Before I can love anyone else, he has to be my #1 and I have to love myself also, which I have been working on.
So I gave up with McDreamy. He is too wishy-washy and I REFUSE to chase him. It's so NOT worth it. I mean one week he is calling me all of the time, e-mailing me and wanting to hang out. The next week I don't hear from him at all. Talk about confusing and hard on the heart!! So there is this guy, well MAN (he is 7 years older than I) I should say that has always sparked something inside me whenever I have talked to him or seen him pass by and I don't want to say I really like him or have a crush on him but I wouldn't mind becoming friends. I think that is what I need to do...become friends first and truly see who they are and then let God have his hand in the relationship. God first, then me. I have also decided that I am not saying anything to my friends, not even my BEST friends about who he is or the status on the relationship because that seems to just ruin it and make my mind think things and jump to conclusions. At least until I know in my heart that it is going somewhere. Make sense? Especially because he is older, I don't want all of that college/high school drama...and also because I know how FAST word spreads @ church. Some things are better left unsaid.
I don't even care if anyone reads these anymore, I just feel the need to get all of this out of my head, a lot of times I think I am just really talking to God. Expressing my thoughts and feelings on life. Kosta comes back to Michigan in less than a month. I don't really know at this point what that is going to be like, but I do know for sure that if I do see him it is going to be hard for me because I still have feelings for him and the last time I spoke with him, he had a girlfriend. I do want to be friends with him though, we had too much in common and too much chemistry not to be friends. Ughh...it sucks being a girl sometimes. Guys have it made.
Well I gotta go now. :)
Hollie
So I gave up with McDreamy. He is too wishy-washy and I REFUSE to chase him. It's so NOT worth it. I mean one week he is calling me all of the time, e-mailing me and wanting to hang out. The next week I don't hear from him at all. Talk about confusing and hard on the heart!! So there is this guy, well MAN (he is 7 years older than I) I should say that has always sparked something inside me whenever I have talked to him or seen him pass by and I don't want to say I really like him or have a crush on him but I wouldn't mind becoming friends. I think that is what I need to do...become friends first and truly see who they are and then let God have his hand in the relationship. God first, then me. I have also decided that I am not saying anything to my friends, not even my BEST friends about who he is or the status on the relationship because that seems to just ruin it and make my mind think things and jump to conclusions. At least until I know in my heart that it is going somewhere. Make sense? Especially because he is older, I don't want all of that college/high school drama...and also because I know how FAST word spreads @ church. Some things are better left unsaid.
I don't even care if anyone reads these anymore, I just feel the need to get all of this out of my head, a lot of times I think I am just really talking to God. Expressing my thoughts and feelings on life. Kosta comes back to Michigan in less than a month. I don't really know at this point what that is going to be like, but I do know for sure that if I do see him it is going to be hard for me because I still have feelings for him and the last time I spoke with him, he had a girlfriend. I do want to be friends with him though, we had too much in common and too much chemistry not to be friends. Ughh...it sucks being a girl sometimes. Guys have it made.
Well I gotta go now. :)
Hollie