"compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright.."
.I like him.
I've definetly decided that. It's rather interesting on how much i like him in such a small amount of time.. It's just.. I dont even know.
I feel rather content at the fact in knowing that i seem to have found someone great.. Not some asshole who wants to just have sex. Or make out. Or have to be always in some sort of physical contact. To lay on the couch and cuddle watching a movie is all i really wanted.. And it's intense in the idea of just being with him makes me want to kiss him.
He has beautiful eyes, and a fantastic smile. He has an adorable nose, and I like to just be with him in general. He makes me happy.. And i'm hoping this actual thing, just may work out. I'm hoping very much so.
Craigs basically dropped off the face of the earth, due to the fact he has simply gone insane... Not my cup of tea... obviously.. i don't believe its anyones. He just seems to have this obsession.. seems to just... i don't even know. I dont feel comfortable even talking to him anymore because it's just too much...
My hands are cold, and my eyes wont stop watering.. I don't really know why, and its rather obnoxious. They hurt...
Just got done watching some idiotic movie with Heather and Kevin, and it really didnt amuse me, but apparently i don't spend any time with them anymore, so a couple hours here and there i suppose should fix that.
My throat hurts... debating on whether or not im catching some sort of cold, or if its because Ive been smoking Kools for 2days and they are incredibly harsh on my throat... I don't know but id like it to go away.
I miss Beam. and I miss Kelso. And I even miss Tyler... Ive been rather nostalgic lately because none of them are around... and yeah.. i dont know. Just sucks i dont get to see them as often as i used to. Id really like to go and see Beam sometime soon.. I believe i miss her most.. Just because she's my crutch haha. And an absolutely amazing person.
Tomorrow i get to see Joseph again.. and i'm always happy about that. Im wearing his hoody and it smells like him and it makes me feel content.
I wish Heather would just let him spend the night, she had a little shit fit when i asked her before... I dont understand the big deal. Im 21 years old and ive spent the night at his house numerous times. She got incredibly rude towards me when i asked her and was saying things like "you dont have your bf over to have sex with in your sisters house. its disrespectful"... seriously.. come on. If i want to have sex, then i'll have sex with him at his house.. Honestly.. I have no idea, but its just an uncomfortable situation to bring up to her again.. So i guess i'll just have to push that aside for the moment.
I applied to FLCC about a week ago, and am waiting on a letter... To live on campus and whatnot.. I believe it would be incredibly good for me to do that. I miss college. I miss school in general. It really just made me feel good about myself.. Also, the whole searching for a job thing is getting old. Noone is hiring at the moment and its beyond frustrating because I need a job. For money, for one, and two to keep myself sane. I dont know how Heather sits around the house all day for days upon days upon days. I cant do that. I have to get up and get out. I have to actually see other people. I have to actually live a life and its just been too much to deal with just being home. I'm slowy losing my mind, i believe.... I need some sort of activity...
Talked to Jamie for a little bit last night. He seems to be doing well which is nice. Its so weird to think that i dated him when hes just 18... I mean. Its fine.. but then also to think of thefact that one of his best friends happens to be someone that I babysat years ago... That would be where the awkwardness comes in. I have no issue with age...i mean, its just.... someone that young was just too immature for me. He wanted to party all the time. I'm not much of a drinker, yea i'll drink from times to time, depending on the alcohol, but he wanted to just be.. fucked up all the time it seemed. Every time he would show up, or we would go out i could see he was high, and to have a serious conversation about it.. just... it just makes me angry to even think that i attempted it.
I suppose the whole reasoning in which i fell for him was for the fact that he actually listened to what i had tosay. He actually... Well, the one night he showed up, without telling me, sunflower in hand, and it was just the sweetest thing ever. He just came off as incredibly sweet, and then i got to know him and he turned his true self out.. inwhich i didnt like as much as i thought i would.
I basically just want to be appreciated whether it be a little card.. or a stuffed animal.. a flower.. a .. picture.. a unplanned showing up... a phonecall. You know? If this makes any sense. Those are the things i bascially look for when in some sort of relationship and Jamie checked out for the most part until a little while into it and he just.. wasnt the same person. I dont like it when things grow stale.. When its just the same thing over and over.. I get bored.. and uninterested... and just.. blah. I dont know.
Wow, i'm babbling.
I dont know.. I guess theres not really much more to write about... but it did keep my occupied for a while.
Think i might head to bed soon...