A breeze of solitude.
You would think I'd be used to it be now. Ya know, being an only child and all...but I'm not. Granted, there are times where I like being by myself, but I'll be honest...most of the time, it's b/c I don't know anyone else who would like doing whatever I'm doing.
I think one of the most important things in life is to learn to be able to stand on your own, to not ever have to rely on anybody. But I never seem to feel comfortable with that. Lets face it. It's easier to do everything when you have friends. And friends is what I don't have. Yes, I know. I have some out there. They're off at college doin' their thing. But the minute I seem to connect with someone and I think we're getting close, the door is slammed in my face. I always think I have a close connection with someone...and, well, they don't. Feel the connection, I mean. And it's not until too late that I realize that they feel that way-or rather, don't feel that way at all. I end up hurt, and they go on with their life oblivious. I'm just tired of it. And tired of feeling hurt. This just keeps happening, reapeatedly in my life, and I don't want to go through with these feelings again. I don't know. Today's just one of those days where I stepped back and took a look at a some of my friendships with people...(especially this one girl I go to school with) and realized I don't really have ANY good friends.
Dazel and I have drifted apart.
Jason's in rehab, and hasn't returned any of my messages.
Nick of course, never calls and doesn't give a shit.
People at school...they're nice, they care, but once we graduate, I don't think I'll ever see them again.
Maya, Monica, Marissa, Alex, and Susan are all off at college.
THE END.
It sucks.
......But I do have Kevin. :) And my mother of course.
But I don't want to be one of those girls who doesn't have any friends and just does everything with her b/f. Those girls always look like they're ditching their friends...and I'm not. Ha! I have no one to ditch anyway! Then, once the relationship ends, she's literally ALONE. And I'm scared of that happening to me. Plus, I like the feeling that I can be there for someone too, that sometimes I can help someone out when they need it..and sharing experiences and good times, and learning from eachother, and......I could go on forever.
I mean, maybe people just don't enjoy my company. Too mean? Too strong of a personality? Too honest? Boring?
I'm workin' on it, I'm workin' on it, I'm FOREVER trying so, SO hard to work on improving myself. I guess it doesn't show. Well, Obviously, huh?
Ok. Bye.
I think one of the most important things in life is to learn to be able to stand on your own, to not ever have to rely on anybody. But I never seem to feel comfortable with that. Lets face it. It's easier to do everything when you have friends. And friends is what I don't have. Yes, I know. I have some out there. They're off at college doin' their thing. But the minute I seem to connect with someone and I think we're getting close, the door is slammed in my face. I always think I have a close connection with someone...and, well, they don't. Feel the connection, I mean. And it's not until too late that I realize that they feel that way-or rather, don't feel that way at all. I end up hurt, and they go on with their life oblivious. I'm just tired of it. And tired of feeling hurt. This just keeps happening, reapeatedly in my life, and I don't want to go through with these feelings again. I don't know. Today's just one of those days where I stepped back and took a look at a some of my friendships with people...(especially this one girl I go to school with) and realized I don't really have ANY good friends.
Dazel and I have drifted apart.
Jason's in rehab, and hasn't returned any of my messages.
Nick of course, never calls and doesn't give a shit.
People at school...they're nice, they care, but once we graduate, I don't think I'll ever see them again.
Maya, Monica, Marissa, Alex, and Susan are all off at college.
THE END.
It sucks.
......But I do have Kevin. :) And my mother of course.
But I don't want to be one of those girls who doesn't have any friends and just does everything with her b/f. Those girls always look like they're ditching their friends...and I'm not. Ha! I have no one to ditch anyway! Then, once the relationship ends, she's literally ALONE. And I'm scared of that happening to me. Plus, I like the feeling that I can be there for someone too, that sometimes I can help someone out when they need it..and sharing experiences and good times, and learning from eachother, and......I could go on forever.
I mean, maybe people just don't enjoy my company. Too mean? Too strong of a personality? Too honest? Boring?
I'm workin' on it, I'm workin' on it, I'm FOREVER trying so, SO hard to work on improving myself. I guess it doesn't show. Well, Obviously, huh?
Ok. Bye.