i like my hair
i want it to be more fashion mulletish, but it will grow into that nicely with proper upkeep (i must go see leslie for a trim when i get home from flor-ida.
my arm is tired.
i lifted so many damn treys today.
god damn.
i hosted from 730 am - 2.
then served from 4 until 1115.
so many damn trays.
(treys, trays, which one damn it...pick)
bad kitty kitty bad kitty.
i started smoking again.
i am disappointed in myself since it is by far the grossest habit ever.
but with everything going to shit only days before the most stressful time of year..it doesn;t surprise me.
i wish no one was home.
i want to paint.
i want to pull at my hair as i watch the colors tell my eyes where they want to be.
to sit on the back porch, smoke a cigarette, sip on some herbal teas and come back in this prison to paint.
i really want to get out of here.
really. i know a lot has to do with julie and jay living here, and me wanting more space and i know thye leave in mayish...
hang on baby.
hang on to the candle lights
the stairs can be trecherous (SP?)
and they'd understand if the uncertainty lived under their eyes
the bags which are the only sign
to convey the real age.
i have to get out of this house....it is so nice to live here, to se what financial success would bring me.
but it isn;t me.
you know? or will you only nod in agreement because that is what you think i want to see, to hear to feel?
but do i feel?
i have so much great things going for me here...
and i want to be hungry again.
hungry for life.
(what happened when we broke up?)
was it a loss of innocence i have suffered slowly, slower then most, alter then most.
or.
was it a dying of a light?where has my glow gone i've asked myself.
the beige lifestyle is wearing thin. and i am moments away from giving into myself.
but i must rest.
tomorrow i need to be up by 745, to do all my laundry in time for becky to come get me....then its errands all day, lunch with emily, kinni and seaners, and off to irondequoit to wait for our departing flight.
(i'm sure while she is in class, i will be updating.
~goodnight
my arm is tired.
i lifted so many damn treys today.
god damn.
i hosted from 730 am - 2.
then served from 4 until 1115.
so many damn trays.
(treys, trays, which one damn it...pick)
bad kitty kitty bad kitty.
i started smoking again.
i am disappointed in myself since it is by far the grossest habit ever.
but with everything going to shit only days before the most stressful time of year..it doesn;t surprise me.
i wish no one was home.
i want to paint.
i want to pull at my hair as i watch the colors tell my eyes where they want to be.
to sit on the back porch, smoke a cigarette, sip on some herbal teas and come back in this prison to paint.
i really want to get out of here.
really. i know a lot has to do with julie and jay living here, and me wanting more space and i know thye leave in mayish...
hang on baby.
hang on to the candle lights
the stairs can be trecherous (SP?)
and they'd understand if the uncertainty lived under their eyes
the bags which are the only sign
to convey the real age.
i have to get out of this house....it is so nice to live here, to se what financial success would bring me.
but it isn;t me.
you know? or will you only nod in agreement because that is what you think i want to see, to hear to feel?
but do i feel?
i have so much great things going for me here...
and i want to be hungry again.
hungry for life.
(what happened when we broke up?)
was it a loss of innocence i have suffered slowly, slower then most, alter then most.
or.
was it a dying of a light?where has my glow gone i've asked myself.
the beige lifestyle is wearing thin. and i am moments away from giving into myself.
but i must rest.
tomorrow i need to be up by 745, to do all my laundry in time for becky to come get me....then its errands all day, lunch with emily, kinni and seaners, and off to irondequoit to wait for our departing flight.
(i'm sure while she is in class, i will be updating.
~goodnight