a child raped a child, and all i can do to understand, is look for my granola bars.
i am quitting smoking.
it has been over a week and i am doing well still
although i have become "addicted" to gum. (i actually have nine flavors in my room and almost always have at least three options with me.)
i don;t know if it is because of my not smoking or lack of full rest or a combination, but i feel as though i don;t have fun with my group of friends anymore.
the past few times we hang out as a group i feel very on edge and defensive.
once i woke up this morning and the heat of the moment was no longer clinging to my skin i looked back at last night and saw a few things that i don;t know that i liked.
we as a group have been very interuption happy lately, not letting anyone person talk for more then a minute before someone pipes in to mock their wording, the topic of disscussion or to just bring up past tense jokes that in one way or another are making fun of the person speaking....or we just ignore them and carry on a far less intellectual side conversation.
there seems to be several "fuck you's" throughout the evening as well as play sass that no matter how joking we are, raises the overall heat.
and what did we talk about? exactly was chris had said we would, bullshit. we sat around for 3 hours and raised our voices over eachother for bullshit.
i don;t want to point fingers and claim these relationships are unhealthy or harmful...but they are in times like this.
and i don;t know that i want to be a major part of it, maybe just a regular guest appearence.
there is not one person whom was there that i find myself more upset with then the rest. however two people were present last night,that i was glad were but sad they witnessed us making complete asses of ourselves by tearing at eachother just for a few short lived laughs, that wil more then likely be brought up the next time we hang out just to poke at that person again.
i dunno.
i want a sabatical, or maybe it's just me.
it has been over a week and i am doing well still
although i have become "addicted" to gum. (i actually have nine flavors in my room and almost always have at least three options with me.)
i don;t know if it is because of my not smoking or lack of full rest or a combination, but i feel as though i don;t have fun with my group of friends anymore.
the past few times we hang out as a group i feel very on edge and defensive.
once i woke up this morning and the heat of the moment was no longer clinging to my skin i looked back at last night and saw a few things that i don;t know that i liked.
we as a group have been very interuption happy lately, not letting anyone person talk for more then a minute before someone pipes in to mock their wording, the topic of disscussion or to just bring up past tense jokes that in one way or another are making fun of the person speaking....or we just ignore them and carry on a far less intellectual side conversation.
there seems to be several "fuck you's" throughout the evening as well as play sass that no matter how joking we are, raises the overall heat.
and what did we talk about? exactly was chris had said we would, bullshit. we sat around for 3 hours and raised our voices over eachother for bullshit.
i don;t want to point fingers and claim these relationships are unhealthy or harmful...but they are in times like this.
and i don;t know that i want to be a major part of it, maybe just a regular guest appearence.
there is not one person whom was there that i find myself more upset with then the rest. however two people were present last night,that i was glad were but sad they witnessed us making complete asses of ourselves by tearing at eachother just for a few short lived laughs, that wil more then likely be brought up the next time we hang out just to poke at that person again.
i dunno.
i want a sabatical, or maybe it's just me.